It was never going to be Easy

Nishaat!

January 28th

Nishaat, my sweet girl. I know your not feeling to well right now, but you need to be strong. You're our strong princess. And I want you to know that I'll be waiting for you to come to me, but right now you can't be here. You don't belong here. Now be strong and get better, okay. I need to get back to my family, see there sitting by that table under a tree. Don't worry about me I'm fine, I'm in the best place I could of ever been. I love you all so much. And try to be strong for your mother, you know she goes through a lot. And listen to what your heart is telling you.

Oupa-

I feel a tear rolling down my cheek as I wake up. I wipe the tear away and lift my head up from my pillow. My head doesn't hurt that much anymore and I don't feel nauseous anymore. This week has been awful. I should probably take a shower.

I grab my towel and walk to the bathroom. As I'm walking through the hallway I check if my mom is in her room and she's not. She must be having breakfast.

I walk out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around me. I walk to my bedroom and dry myself off further. I put on clean pajamas and brush my hair through then tie it up.

I walk downstairs to my grandmother's room and lay on her bed. Everyone is in the kitchen having breakfast. I turn on the TV and watch whatever is playing. My mother walks into the room with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Honey, are you here?", She smiles. "How are you feeling? Did you shower?", She puts her hand on my forehead and takes my temperature.

"I feel much better", I say pulling the blanket over my shoulders.

"Your not warm anymore. Would you like anything to eat?", She sips from her coffee.

"What is there?", I say.

"I'll make you a peanut butter sandwich".

"Sounds good".

Mom places her coffee on the counter in my grandmother's room and walks back into the kitchen to make my sandwich.

My aunty walks into the room and sits on the couch next to the bed.

"My sweetie pie. How are you feeling? I was really worried about you, you made me very scared, my baby", She rubs my head.

For a fifteen year old they really do treat me like a five year old.

"I'm feeling much better now, thank you", I say.

"Here's your sandwich", Mom walks into the room and I lift my head from the pillow.

I sit up on the bed and sit the plate on my lap and eat my sandwich.

"You need to eat now. You haven't eaten proper food in four days", My mom says.

I finish my sandwich and put the plate on the arm of the couch next to the bed.

I still need to catch up on my work from school. I really don't have the energy for that right now. I think I'll just do it in class.

"Did your friends send you any work to do?", My mom says sitting on the couch opposite me.

"I don't know", I say staring at the TV.

Im laying on my grandmother's bed but I'm laying on the side where my grandfather used to sleep. I miss him a lot. He meant the world to me. He died a year ago. When he passed, it crushed me, it crushed us all. Especially my grandmother. She doesn't show it, but we know she misses him a lot. It was very painful to see him leave us all like that, but I know his at peace now. He suffered a lot over the years with his illnesses and I'm heartbroken that he left but I know it was hard for him to hold on much longer. I think about him almost every day and where he could be now. It was strange of him to visit me in my dreams like that. And what did he mean by 'listen to what your heart is telling you', I have been feeling numb for such a long time, I don't know what my heart is saying. I remember how I used to make instant noodles for my grandfather and myself and we'd watch our favourite show 'Everybody hates Chris'. I haven't watched that show or eaten instant noodles since he died. I just can't, it reminds me to much of him. It reminds me of all the memories that we won't continue to share. I used to argue a lot with him, but that's only because I loved him a lot and because I like to be right. Loosing my grandfather made me realise that you need to appreciate the people you have in your life. Appreciate the people that support and love you every day. And tell the people that you love, that you love them.

xxxTo all the people that we've last over the years, may you have a place in the highest heavens and we miss you all, everyday :)