Love to Hate You

Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Meeting what my soul desires is like finally feeling like home.

I stand outside room NR. 234 in the vest wing. Afraid to knock the door. The double door is beige with a gold knob. The hallway looks too expensive for my fathers bank account. Red carpet with gold trimmings on the edge. The ceiling is decorated with gold and carved out oak. I didn't usually like very expensive stuff, but this looks nice. To nice. Suddenly the double doors opens and a spiky-haired girl walks out. She has the biggest grin, “Hello, I am Charlotte Lucas. Your roomie macaroni. Don't stand there! Welcome to the Grot!” This student housing does not look like a Grot. Its like Marie Antoinette's pink bedroom. Not exactly my taste. Everything is to much and lacy. The only good thing about this room is the big four-poster bed. It looks really comfy.

“I know. Too much pink right? It is like they think all women like pink. We can try to fix it up, but there is only 1 semester left from January to May. So we will survive. My favorite subject is art, more precisely sculpting. I have a rich mother married to a richer new husband. Shipped me off to boarding school so they could nurture their newfound love. Yeah, it sucks. I got over it. Father died a long time ago. No siblings. No animals. Vegan two days a week. Left is yours. Right is mine. I can move if you have a preference for the right side. I sleep like death anyway. You can bring your boyfriend here if you want. I will not tell. Just put a sticker on the door, or something if you are doing the nasty and I will not enter.” She looks so happy when she speaks. Charlotte feels like a really easy person to speak to. She reminds me of Jane, with her happy angelic face. 

“I don't have a boyfriend. I also love art. Painting. I love reading books and hiking in the woods. I had four sisters and a mother. They also died. Not over it. The hurt did not go away. My father is the new biology teacher. No animals. Eat everything. Love black coffee and green tea. I can sleep on the left. You can also bring your boyfriend. I don't tell, and yes, put a sticker on the door.” This is the first time I have mentioned my dead family. After the funeral me and my father never spoke about our loved ones. I have not mentioned it to other people. Nobody asked. I did not tell. I have only keep the conversations and thoughts inside my head. 

“Come here. It's alright. You can cry. I cried a lot after my father died. Felt alone after that. I know how it feels.” It is like this girl can see into my soul. It feels like something breaks and blossoms inside me. 

“I miss Jane so, so, so much. She was the greatest, kindest, most amazing person on earth! That awful drunk killed her. He killed them all!” We talk all night. Retell about our former life and hopes for the future. She instantly becomes my new best friend. Everything just click. Like we are newfound soul sisters. 

The next day is the first day of school. My uniform is fresh from the store. The skirt I picked is a little longer than normal, it goes under my knees. Most girls here keep the skirt thigh high. The skirt is colored red, green and gold in stripes and squares. White shirt and a jacket match the outfit. I do not understand how to tie this stupid black bow. Why are people torturing themselves wearing this? Charlotte “Lottie” helps me, “You clean up nice Liz. Every boy in this school will droll after you. God, you picked an awfully long skirt! Are you a nun? Virgin nun?” 

"Yes, I am a Virgin." Do I Look like a Virgin with this skirt? I  don't want people to look at me and think, here goes the virgin.

"Lizzie. Did they not have boys in Longbourn? How can you be a virgin with t**s and a face like yours?" I was just finishing combing through my long hair. Put on a black headband to match the outfit. A little mascara on my long lashes. Balm for my lips. Done. 

“I do not know why. It never felt right with a boy. I have not been with a lot of boys. Okay. So maybe I haven't even kissed a boy. I will probably be unkissed forever. You look very nice Lottie. I don't want every boy to droll. I don't care about boys.” Fact. 

She is shocked and gaze at me like I have grown horns, “Is this the time you tell me you are a lesbian?" Lesbian? 

"No, I do not like women, I like men. Just haven't found my special one. I think about men and s*x, but you know. I dream about someone special. The greatest of men. The one who will support my dreams, care about me and not just my body. Someone who will think that I am unique and lovable. Understand me. Romantic and realistic. It is total me who is the problem. I know. I know." 

Charlotte has a sparkle in here eyes, "My first time was not special. He was 15 and I was 14. Lasted about 10 seconds. Little d**k. Big personality. Pop, and my cherry was taken. I have used my time to redeem that night. We can talk about that later. Come, bring your bag and start walking. We will find somebody you can kiss and fuck.” Jane's homemade side bag followed and off we go. “Your sister was a true seamstress. That bag is amazing. You have to tell me all about it when we eat breakfast.”