What the Heart Wants

Clear as MUD-4

Tangled limbs and sheets added to the feelings of contentment that lingered after that last sating. How could so much time have passed and so little have changed?

Between them lay years of separate defining experiences, yet none held the power to estrange them. Each felt as if they had stepped 15 years into the past, that nothing had changed, and yet they knew everything had.

Sasha should be feeling something besides this great feeling of joy.

Confusion.

Guilt.

Shame.

They were lost to her, she only felt this overwhelming happiness that everything was as it should be. Yet she knew it was not.

Clint lie there unresponsive, hesitant to even breathe, lest he break the fragile spell they had fallen under.

Sasha was just as pure and innocent as when she had first come in pursuit of him. She had been as bold then, obviously unskilled… yet not diminished in her lack of experience. Only now that experience had honed those genuine qualities to sparkling gems almost equaling her beauty.

He dared not even glance in her direction for fear he would see regret again darkening those dazzling eyes, or that she would evaporate into the wispy, mystical ethereal substance of the other fairies and sprites.

Speaking was out of the question, he had never known precisely what to say to her anyway. She who was always so witty and keenly aware of what he was truly feeling. He wondered how long they could lie there both lost in their own thoughts and groundless insecurities.

Not knowing what their joint future held...IF they had a joint future.

Well, they damned sure did.

Now that he’d found her, she’d found him. There was no way in heaven, hell, earth or any of the other realms... that he was letting her get away again. He didn’t care what it meant, she was his… had always been his, and she’d come home for him to claim her.

Dragging in a deep breath, while mustering all his courage... Clint turned to find the full force of those steely gray eyes lit upon him. Sasha’s gaze was so intense Clint was rendered speechless for a moment. Freshly taken aback by the immensity of her beauty.

Stunned to silence that this amazing creature belonged to him, body and soul. Inhaling once again to speak immediately of his thoughts before they fled him or he lost his courage, a phone rang.

Panic seized Sasha’s limbs as she recognized Bryan’s ringtone.

God, what would he say if he knew where she was, what she had done… was doing. What would he think? What would he do? He didn’t deserve this. How had she done this to him? Her mind scrambled as her limbs came to life to catapult her from the bed, wresting a sheet to cover her sudden case of modesty.

Even as he could see the woman he had just spent the last 24 hours copulating with disappearing behind her mask, he could feel his own arrogance and fake indifference rising with his anger; like the phoenix from the ashes to counter.

A new unreasonable fever of anger crept upon him, he would not allow her to regret their time together, to make it into a mistake, to make him again unworthy of her time and attention. He would not be robbed.

Satisfied she had covered as much of herself as she could with the twisted, stained and hopelessly wrinkled sheet, she inhaled and squarely met his gaze.

To Clint she looked the naughty queen, emerging from a forbidden lovers' tryst (like Persephone facing Hades), curls mantling one shoulder & her ruined toga shrouding her nakedness from a waiting court.

He knew his toothless smirk would enrage her, but he was powerless to contain it, he had to break through this façade of reasonable respectability she was erecting… and it seemed he intended to shatter it, irreparably.

So with the smirk, he added his arms behind his head in an arrogant posture that couldn’t be mistaken; given that he was bare ass naked without so much as a sheet. An angry arousal growing… this wouldn’t go over well.

“Miss an important call, Sassy?” he added that old familiar endearment to further goad her, no doubt further provoking her.

“Nothing that can’t wait.” She rattled off and turned her back to the brazen image he presented. The satisfied (if not quite sated) conqueror painting her as the obvious captive.

Even though she knew he was intentionally trying to bait her, which infuriated her, the vision before her made her mouth go dry with desire and other parts begin to salivate.

What the hell was wrong with her anyway, she thought, exhaling deeply and framing her face in her own hands. A posture clearly stating she was overwhelmed, in deeper than she wanted to admit.

She hadn’t heard him move, he hadn’t even logically had enough time to get immediately behind her. Her mind reeled, reminding her how dangerous and lithe he could be when in a fury. As she spun, he was there putting hands on her shoulders to steady her, peering intently into her face.

Clint slowly navigated her back toward the bed to seat her before she fell. As her hips hit the mattress and realization dawned, again that instant fear leapt into her lustrous gray eyes… angering him at the wrong time.

He had to get a hold on his reckless and rampant emotions. She had no reason to fear him, yet he still had to reign in these outbreaks of spontaneous or provoked temper. Why did she inspire such an impossible rage in him?

Quirking his head to the side, “Do you think I mean to bed you, even now? Even a lech like me can see how upset you are.” He said, backing slowly as he watched her tension ease by degrees in direct proportion to his distance from her.

Back to square one, huh. Just like that, as if yesterday never even happened. But it had happened, he wasn’t the same son of a b***h he’d been yesterday when the sun rose. He had changed and he wouldn’t go back.

He could feel his anger rising and carefully held it in check, but he was powerless to stop his arousal despite the fact she looked so vulnerable, so lost.

He must bare his soul to this woman. He must lay it all out, show her who he was with her, who he was willing to be for her. How much he needed her.

The phone began to ring again, breaking the locked battle their gazes had been engaged in. Sasha and Clint both stared at the small device throwing a convulsive fit in the center of the stained naked bed. With each ring, it got angrier and more agitated, as if conveying the emotion of the caller at the other end of the line.

They both knew who that caller was, though neither wanted to admit his existence.

When Sasha’s arm, of its own volition, began to slowly creep to silence, the tantruming electronic, like lightening Clint’s arm darted out to seize the phone and in the same motion it crashed against the opposite wall to thundering silence.

Her baleful glance impaled him, inspiring very little guilt, “Was that really necessary?” she arched a perfect dark s***h of eyebrow at him.

“I will not share you,” he ground out between clinched teeth, causing a flush to begin to creep down her cheeks.

Using her lustrous lashes to shield her eyes, afraid she might see truth or deception in the wake of the declaration he’d just made. He willed her to look at him.

She would not.

His own makeshift wrap that had been precariously slipping lower and lower with all the increasing activity now lay pooled at her feet. She knew she had only to raise her eyes mere inches to see the evidence of his commitment to his latest statement.

She could not. Instead, she leaned into his thin pelvic joint and placed a chaste kiss on a warm velvet skin that still smelled of her own secret place.

She still could not look at him, but her heightened senses felt all of the air drain from him to leave only the rigid flesh covered steel-boned appendage. As he knelt to gather her to him, she gasped as she beheld the raw emotion in his eyes.

This man loved her. He fought it, but he did.

He had always loved her, loved her still, even after everything.

These revelations stole her breath, befuddled her mind.

He could NEVER harm her, his passion was only that. Frustration that he couldn’t express in a way that she would believe how he truly felt about her. This proud, arrogant, magnificent man. Loved her. Wonders never ceased.

And how did she feel? What of Bryan?

She couldn’t think of him now, she couldn’t allow him to intrude here, he didn’t belong. Now she could only think of the pleasure that Clint was creating for her, the worship he was lavishing upon her to show her in terms no words could equate… what he felt for her. How he loved her.

On his knees before her yet again, like he was the first time he stole her heart.. she would never be free of this man.

Two hours later, in the kitchen, Sasha watched in fascination as a gourmet breakfast came to life before her eyes. She’d never known him capable of such things, who was this mysterious man. So similar to one she had known and loved; yet, so strikingly different, possessing everything she had ever hoped for in her life.

Without words or glances, they sat and feasted on egg white omelets with mushroom, goat cheese and spinach, tempered with seasoned fresh cut potatoes and fruit salad salsa.

While Sasha ate, her mind raced from one extreme to the next exploring each tributary of this new…situation.

What did she even call this?

A tryst?

A hello?

A goodbye?

As the finality of the possibility landed in the pit of her stomach souring her meal, she peaked up through her lashes to find Clint intently studying her composure.

“No.” He said in a singular syllable that brooked no disobedience or reconsideration.

Could the Wolf King read minds too? Shaking his head to affirm his sentence, while continuing to chew his meal.

As the obvious panic began to surface and bloom on her face; Clint slowly extended his left hand much as you would to a skittish horse or an abused dog. Resting his hand upon hers firmly, yet without pressure just to make a physical connection. His right hand he rested on the table, palm up in invitation, gently beseeching her with his eyes. Whispering silent promises with his eyes that he could never vocalize.

“I shouldn’t be here. This was a mistake.” Sasha said, placing her right hand into his. Even as she verbally spoke her truth, her body betrayed her and acted of its own volition… accepting the right hand of fellowship from the Wolf King. Really??? This is what we’re gonna do? She quipped internally, snipping at herself.

She’d always been a selfish woman, it seems not much had changed after all. Now here she sat on the precipice of ruining not only her life this time… but multiple others as well. The heavy laden sigh she expelled seemed to have come from her very weighted soul.

“I said No.” he calmly and firmly restated, as if reaffirming his prior commitment to the single syllable objective.

“No what?” she queried, confused as to how she had no idea of the extent of the conversation she was embroiled in.

“No to all your doubts. This is right.

No, this is Not a mistake.

No, You cannot leave. I don’t want you to.

And Yes. Someone is likely to get hurt. But that doesn’t have to be either of us this time.” he finished answering everything and all in one fell swoop. Summing it up quite neatly, truth be told.

As if on cue, the damn broke. Sasha crumpled from her chair and should have landed in a heap on the kitchen floor; yet there she sat cradled in his lap as he stroked her hair while she wept.

It was such a relief to hear her own desires mirrored in his assertions, yet his statements were wrong. She wanted nothing more than to stay cocooned with him in the crazy haze of desire, high passions and infatuation… but she knew soon enough they would both have to face the blindingly cruel light of day.

As the torrent of weeping subsided to soft hiccups, all her senses turned their attention to the many-pronged attacked being waged upon them by Clint. As he held her, he gently roamed his fingers through her thick mass of curls to gently tramp his fingertips over her scalp. Igniting those pulses of electromagnetic synergy, the most intoxicating zaps which felt all too real. Kneading and pulling, testing the tensile strength of her locks as If his fingers could coax or draw the tension from her. His other arm encircling her to bind like iron, securing her to that sacred place betwixt his chest and lap.

Suddenly, her nostrils could only smell the tantalizing notes of his Cedar & Lavendar soap mingled with his unique body chemistry; coupled with the subtle hint of the outside…wood, grass, a forest, sweet sweat. He smelled like adventure, like danger. She could feel the electrical impulses begin to zip through her blood passing critical messages to her stalled-out brain.

A brain she was no longer in control of. Her body was on autopilot, taking care of itself after a long-forced, involuntary drought. What she truly needed was within grasp, her body had no intention of being denied.

She could feel his member casually pressing against her hipbone, not aroused… yet never flaccid, always ready to rise at a moment's demand. Clint's non-aroused p***s was easily as good as some guys fully erect… on a bad day. Sasha could evoke no shame, as she unconsciously began to trace the outline of his chest through his T-shirt.

Such a beautiful pectoral region. Wide shoulders, tight pecs tapering down to a neat and trim waste… not an ounce of unneeded flesh… culminating in the strawberry blondish red trail just below his belly button.

Sasha subconsciously licked her lips. She could consume the Wolf King, gobble him all up… until there was no more. She was ravenous, starved for what only he could give.

She giggled before she could still the rising arousal and giddiness that being close to him evoked within her.

Clint's hand flew from her hair to capture the one wandering down his chest towards his manhood.

How had he missed the mood change? He had been so enraptured in the fact that she’d allowed him to comfort her that he hadn’t received any of the indicators that they were going to play a different game now.

The increased heartbeat. The smell of arousal in the air. The shallow intakes of breath, the electrical current dancing in her smoky eyes as she lifted them to meet his.

On queue, his manhood called for reinforcements, all his rational thoughts fled him in an instant. His oxygen and blood supply was routed elsewhere. His sharp intake of breath would never be enough to fuel the fire building in his blood from the heated glance those molten steel eyes were creating.

Why this woman and no other was no mystery. Clint has spent years trying to leave it behind, blot it out. Pretend it had never happened. But it mattered not. He didn’t have to understand. This woman was the one to move him. This one and no other.

And he had to make damn sure she knew it.

But how to accomplish this? These victories were temporary. Of course, he could master her body, he always could… even now, he was far more experienced than she at sensual manipulation. But he wanted body & soul. Heart, mind… all of her. He wanted everything.

How could he give her everything and have all of her? Bits and pieces weren’t going to be enough.

Sasha knew that she was still no match for the Wolf King, but he was far more than just the Wolf King. He was trying to show her his heart. Trying to open up his world to her, for her. To share, what? Everything? She needed no less than everything.

But what was she willing to risk for it?

This heartbreak had crippled her for years. It had laid waste to her soul, taken her so deep she almost didn’t find her way back. She’d kept so many things secret from him, how would he ever get past it?

Maybe the cure was worse than the illness. Maybe she had to come clean in order to get past this sickness, to cut it out, to kill it. Once and for all.

She had to confess.

With his heightened senses, he could feel the storm embroiling inside Sasha. Her desire was clear, her fear palpable… but her hesitation was confusing. He could not understand how she could fear him. He had never, would never allow anything or anyone to hurt her.

Himself included.

Quizzically he stilled himself, not sure what was to come next. Would she rage, rant, cry, pout… he didn’t know what to expect, but surprisingly found himself looking forward to whatever this new territory with her would bring.

Bonding. He needed to truly bond with her, over time. Experiences.

“I gave away our baby.” She blurted, the words spilling from her lips more quickly than she’d expected, having just given herself permission to utter them aloud.

The look on his face was one of utter dumbfoundedness. A gut punch. He definitely hadn’t expected that.

Sasha gently pushed to extricate herself from his grasp. His arms fell away with no resistance. He just sat slack jawed, with vacant eyes.

I’m going to kill her. The single thought began to repeat within his mind.

He’s going to kill me. The message blossomed for Sasha, as his eyes finally registered coherent thought.