Despair

Somewhere In The Distance.

Dark Necessities by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

"Jack..."

"Yeah?"

I reach for his shirt, pulling the traitor aside. "What the f**k is he doing here?"

Jack's eyebrows raise through a sip of his beer. "Uh... Who?"

"What do you mean 'who', the only guy that's new tonight," I hiss, now pointing through the door slit. "Him. Did you invite him?"

And now he's amused. Seriously— am I a f*****g clown? What does everybody find so funny? "You mean Ian?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah! I mean, he's cool."

Since when. Since when the i***t's just making friends wherever he goes? Wherever I go.

"Why?" He frowns, drinking again. "What did he do? He stole your girl or something? Or your guy, whatever floats your boat."

"No. He— " f**k. It's... I can't put it in words. He didn't do anything, he's just...

"Yeah?"

"I never liked him."

"Right... But why?"

Why does it matter. "He just rubs me the wrong way, I don't need a f*****g reason."

"Sure, but... I don't know, stay away from him? I can't just tell him to leave now, you see what I'm saying? Besides, damn! The boy's got a pretty good record!"

I just stare at him. "Where?"

"MK." Damn it, damn it— he must have kept on playing since we were kids, too. "Little dude's a savage," he keeps going in a tone that almost sounds like he respects him. "He beat the s**t out of Ethan on the first round. It was f*****g funny."

"Wait— what first round?" Did he already come before when I couldn't or—

"Just now, when we were waiting for you. Bro, chill," Jack tells me with a light chuckle, trying to put a hand on my shoulder again, but I don't let him this time. "He's not taking your spot or anything."

"I know that," I mutter. I'm sure I'm still better at it, anyway.

"Cool, so we're good?"

I can feel my jaw starting to clench, so I squeeze my hair with both hands in an attempt to calm myself down that usually works. "Fine. Yeah, whatever."

Jack nods and is about to leave when he comes back. He has that look in his eyes that says he's gonna ask: "You... sure there's not something you're not telling me?"

I just glare at him.

"Got it, you don't gotta go all Cyclops on me," he chuckles, showing me both palms as he backs off. "Just come when you're ready. It's Monopoly night."

Okay, I can deal with this. I'll just ignore him, yeah. Yeah, I'll ignore him and—

"Hey!"

Mother—

I take a deep breath, turn around, and he's there. Of course he's there. What. Does. He. Want.

"Weird! I didn't know you were part of this. Jack did say we were waiting for someone but—"

"Bullshit."

He's surprised. I don't f*****g believe that, either. "Uhm... What?"

"You knew I was coming," I state, turning to him. "Didn't you?"

"No... Not really," he murmurs, scratching the back of his head and frowning at me. "It doesn't bother me, though."

"Well, it bothers me," I snarl and I hate it. God, I hate that I said it.

"I can see that... But they invited me," he responds. His voice sounds soft and I'm not looking at him. And I get it, okay? It's not my house, it's not my choice— I get it.

"Do whatever you want, just don't talk to me," I warn him. "It's enough I have to put up with you for the project."

"Well, it wasn't my call, either." I turn my head back and he's trying to scowl, but he looks ridiculous, like a child that's asking for his toy back. "Do you think I'd choose to pair up with a brat that won't get anything done?"

What the f**k did he just call me?

"No. I'm stuck with you, too. And you're better at it than I am! So it's even more frustrating. But if you think I'm... I don't know, following you around or whatever, well— think again. And hurry up, we've been waiting for an hour."

And then he's gone.

Uh.

Ugh.

AGH.

"Ethan... You have to pay, alright? I have the book right here, bro," Jack says for the third time, tapping it against his hand. "There's no exception, alright? You still have to pay if you land on his hotel, it doesn't matter if—"

"He's in jail!"  the dumbass insists. "I'm not giving money to a criminal."

Jack throws his hands in the air. "I give up."

"It's not in the f*****g book, man! We checked," I scream so it will get through Ethan's thick skull. We've been going over this for what? Half an hour? "It doesn't matter if my boot's in f*****g Alaska, alright?" Ian giggles and I'm not sure why. "I still own this s**t and the point of the game is to—"

"Yeah well—"

"No, shut the f**k up and listen."

Dylan stands up. "Anyone wants more food?"

"Look," Ethan still won't let me talk, and now he's pointing at me. "I don't have the money anyway. And I already have a mortgage! So—"

"That's how the game works, though," Ian chips in and we all turn to him, maybe because he's the only one that's not losing his s**t or falling asleep. He better not side with Ethan, though, or I swear to everything— "If you don't want to pay Oliver, that's okay." Oh, I'm gonna kill him. "Wait, wait! It's okay but then you're... I don't know." He turns to Jack, who's still standing with the rule book in hand and flipping through it. "Disqualified?

Jack nods. "Right. I mean... it doesn't really say, but that's fair."

"Okay," Ian says. "So it's either that or you can't pay. And if you genuinely can't pay... then you lose. That's the point of the game— to bankrupt the others."

"Thank you," I burst, throwing my hands in the air and falling back on the couch. "Finally."

"Stealing my own monopoly, though?" Ethan shoots back and I swear I could shoot him.

But Ian nods. "Yup! That's allowed. It's actually... really smart."

"Let's just play something else," Dylan suggests.

"Then I win." I clearly have the most money.

Jack shakes his head. "Nobody wins, bro. Let's just call it a—"

"No, no. He does," Ian interrupts, looking over at me across the room. "We can count if you want, but with the value of his properties... it's pretty evident."

"Done deal. Oliver wins," Jack announces, gathering all of the pieces and putting them back in the box before Ethan can reach for it. "Someone turn on the PS4, and yeah, man— get more chips."

So Jack was right. Ian got... good.

"I told you he's insane!" Jack gushes again. "You should have seen what he did with Sub-Zero."

"I got it, okay?" I mutter, trying my absolute best not to want to rip someone's head off. "Just wait... and watch. I'm beating his ass if it's the last thing I do."

Ian giggles. "You can try."

"Shut up."

"Okay. Do you want any gummies?"

"Shut u— yeah, sure." I like those. And now Ian's... uh, smiling at me?

I touch my face while I chew because— "What?"

"Nothing."

We wait for the next arena to load.

"What are we playing?" Ethan mumbles, suddenly waking up from his short nap.

"Still MK," Jack tells him, popping the rest of his Skittles into his mouth.

"They're still at it?  What time is it?"

"Uh... " Jack turns his wrist and reads his Apple watch. Those things are f**k-ugly, by the way. "Half-past eleven."

"Are you kidding me? I have honorary Math tomorrow, man. I'm out," Ethan announces, yawning widely and bracing on Jack's shoulder to leave the room.

"Yeah, I'm beat," Jack agrees, yawning too and now we all are. "Are both of you staying over?

Ian covers his mouth and immediately shakes his head, leaving the joystick and standing up. "Oh, no. I'll just text my dad."

I look up at him. "Now?" We're not done.

"Yeah, sorry! We can keep going tomorrow when you come, though... if you want?" He shrugs. "If there's time. I mean... I have a PS4."

"Sure." I'm not leaving it on a freaking tie.

It's only when I close the game that I realize I'm about to pass out, too. Jack starts cleaning the room and I ask him if he needs help, but he says it's fine.

"Can I lay here for a bit?" The house has a guest room, but it's too far away and I can barely stand up straight right now.

"For sure."

"Thanks."

I kick off my shoes so I can stretch out on the couch and finally close my eyes. It's crazy comfortable, but since I've napped, I can't really fall asleep. The deepest I get is that sort of... floating state, where you check in and out. It's nice enough.

Love Like You by Caleb Hyles.

I don't know how long it's been, but all lights are off.

No, wait. There's some radiating from the hallway and drawing soft angles on the wooden floor. It couldn't have been too long, though. I can still hear... voices. Jack's and...

"Yeah, I... kind of have a date tomorrow."

Ian's, somewhere in the distance.

"Oh, yeah? Exciting."

"It should be, right?"

"So you're not into him?"

"I am. But... I haven't seen him yet."

"Ohh, so texting and stuff."

"Right, and I'm..." Pause. "I'm different over text, I think. So he might not like the... real me, I guess. You know?"

"Well, yeah. But you're still the same guy, right? It's not like you're catfishing him or anything?"

"No, but I'm more... um." I can barely hear him now. "More... uh, you know."

What?

"Bolder."

"Ohh..." Jack chuckles. "And you're not ready for that?"

"I am. But..."

"You're worried you're not gonna like him either?"

"I'm worried I will."

Huh.

"Like... too much. That's kind of terrifying, don't you think?"

Jack's not saying anything.

"Is that weird?" 

No.

"I'm sure it's not." Jack chuckles again. "I just can't relate, I guess."

"Right, it's just— oh, my dad's here. Thanks for everything, really. I had a great time."

"Anytime, man. Just keep coming until we do beat your ass."

Giggle."Okay!"

"Wait here, though. I'll de-activate the alarm."

"Yup."

Silence. And now... for some reason I don't have, it's even harder to fall asleep. Some kind of angry, bright light is forcing my brain to run again.

Now someone's moving. It's probably him.

I keep my eyes shut, my body lays dead even though it's never been this restless. Now he's close. Moving around, still.

Something fuzzy just fell on me. A blanket? A blanket.

Jack comes back. "Alright, all set."

"Coming," Ian murmurs, and the blanket's now covering my feet.

But...

But why.