Where Your Secrets Hide

SECRET 33

Life?

When you heard the word life, what are the first things comes into your mind?

Family? Problems? Memories?

I don't know, because if you asks me what is life for me, I would probably speak my name, because life, is me, life is who I am, life... Life is us...

But if I asks you the question, what will be your answer?

What is life?

Life is life...

Yeah, doesn't make any sense but that is life, you can't explain life, since no one knows how their life will be.

I wanted to explain how everything end up like this...

A lot of things happened in the game night, the night Chase died, and I wanted to repeat the story, without any hidden information, except on the information how Chase ended up dying, how he was killed.

Except of course for who killed him.

Because up until now...

I have no idea who killed Chase.

The Day Chase died.

I went out and trying to find myself a seat when I saw Katharina walking towards me with Carla, her bestfriend and Jonna, her another friend.

"Hi Jackson." Katharina greeted. "Do you already find a seat? Because we're finding one, actually three, well now four." Carla said. "Thanks." I said.

Until I saw Henry and Chase talking, well arguing. They went to the side of bleachers, and part of my mind said to follow them.

"Hey, can you excuse me for a second? I just forgot to do something. Just tell me if you already found a seat, Is it alright?" I ask them. "It's fine." Carla responded. I smiled to them and start walking away from them, walking fast.

When I got there I look at them from behind the bleachers. I couldn't hear the things that they are talking about because of the cheers and music on the field, but I saw Henry is very mad at Chase, while Chase is explaining calmly. Until it happen.

Henry punches Chase, repeatedly to his face.

"What the f**k?" I whispered to myself.

"Jackson!" I look back and saw Katharina running towards me. " We already found a seat. Come. The game's gonna start a seconds now." She said and drag me with her.

Why are they fighting?

Is it about me? Or the stuff I found at Henry's cabinet?

I'm a curious person, and I wont be shut until I know what are they fighting for.

And I know that, curiosity make things complicated...

We sat down with her friends. Carla's talking to me, but I cant hear the words she's talking about, it's like everything is fading, the only thing I can hear is my heartbeat. The game started and Chase is not playing, and still, I can't hear anything.

I felt that something's bad is going to happen in any seconds now. I could feel it, I could sense it.

"Jackson!" I went back to reality when Carla touch my hand. I look at her. "Hi?" I said awkwardly. "Are you mad at me?" She ask. "Why?" I ask her. "You're avoiding me, I'm talking to you but you're not responding. I'm sorry if it's because at the party. Because I don't want to have s*x with you. I mean, I wanted to, but I'm not ready." She said.

I kiss her lips to pass the drug that Chase give me. After kissing she look to my eyes, and her blue eyes shine like you're looking to the bottom of the sea, and it is so pretty, like I'm going to drown.

"Carla!" We both look to our left when someone called her. It was Jonna, he's with Justin, a football player. Jonna waved to us and they walk away. "Don't mind Jonna." She said and she pushes my nape down to her face, so we can kiss each other again. I open my eyes while kissing her and saw Chase looking at me, while kissing Sarah, her girlfriend.

And I remember the day when we both kiss at his room.

I tried to look away or closing my eyes, but all I can see is Chase. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the drug. I open my eyes and saw Chase, kissing me. I push him, but it's just Carla, I'm just hallucinating.

What is going on with me?

The relationship between Chase and I, is just nothing.

"We should continue this at the bathroom." Carla said and she dragged me down the stairs.

"What the f**k!" Carla said. "Why do you have a gun?!" She added. "What? I dont ha--" I stop when I saw Henry's gun in my bag. How did this ended up in my bag? "It's for protection. Someone wants to kill me." I lied to her. But that's the best thing I could say nowadays, in fact, someone's threatening me. With a text from C.

Saying;

You maybe can hide this from me, but you can't hide it to everyone.

xoxo -C

"What?" She said. "I have to go." I said. And stood up without waiting her response. I heard Katharina and Carla calling my name but I didn't responded.

Why?

I saw Chase at the building.

I run towards the building and saw Chase on the stairs, sitting.

"Chase!" I called him and he look up. "What are you doing here?" He ask. "I saw you. Can you walk?" I ask him. "No." He answered.

Now I get why Chase is not playing, he can't walk. Henry broke his leg.

I help him stood up so I can drive him home. "Where are your car key?" I said. "Why?" He ask back. "I'm driving you home." I said and he get the key to his pants.

It felt weird. He's quiet and I can feel that he wants to say something, but he couldn't. But I get it, this is the moment he's been waiting for, the game. But now?

I put him inside his car and I start driving. We're both quiet at the trip.

I look at him.

"We're going to our house first so I can get some medicine and some patch for your wound, my house is near here so it will only take us for about 20 minutes, then you can start healing your wound on the way to your house." I said and continue driving to our house.

The whole trip is just quiet, no one tries to talk, I do felt like he is so disappointed because he couldn't play the game, the game that he wanted to play.

When we arrive our house, I immediately run inside and get some first aid kit and run back to his car.

I gave him the first aid kit that he quickly grab form my hands and strat healing his own wounds that Henry gave to him.

I start the car again and start driving to his home.

"What are you two fighting?" I ask him. "Who are you for me to tell that? It wasn't your business, so stay away with it." I chose to stay quiet, I know he's mad I can feel it to his tone, he is irritated or something like that. I drove him at the shortcut, so his parents can treat him earlier.

"Okay, I know you're mad and it is clearly not my business, but I still care about you, and Henry. You two are like the most important person in my life right now. And Henry's business is mine too." I said to him. I heard him giggle. "What are you? Special? Special to him, special to me. I don't even know why you're driving me home." He said.

I look at him and stop the car.

"So, is that what you really think of me? Not important? You promised! You promised Chase!" I shouted and he look terrified in his serious face. "You said after the game, I will be one of them! What? You're just playing with me? You're just making me look like a fool? For what?! Did Austin know about us? Or maybe he force you to do it!" I said.

"What are you talking about?

I-I feel terrible. Why I didn't think of it? Why I didn't think, that he's one of the jock? That he can play with me. Why am I so stupid?

I JUST WANT TO FEEL BEING LOVED!

Because I never felt it, even my parents are still alive. I felt broken.

"I love you Chase, I never felt this before. I don't even know why, you! I can love a girl, but I chose you!" I said and I can feel my tears on my cheeks. "All I know is that I can feel that the reason why you're mad at me because of course of the game, but I could feel that maybe you don't really want me and you don't want to do the promise you said from the first time we did it, and the last time we did it!" I gasped for air before I continued "Tell me Chase, who am I to you? Do you love me? Do you ever felt love? When we're having s*x? When we're sharing moments to each other, is that real or not?"

Fuck, I felt so cheesy. But this is what dumb people get, this is what gays get or bisexual or yes maybe this is what I will get! The people who are easily fall for someone without any reason, that's what we get.

This is the most dumbest thing I've ever ask. If a person loved you back. But, I know his answer, no. He loves Sarah, and I am just a third wheel, that no one knows.

"You're my favorite person."

And at that moment, I lost control. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm stupid, an i***t.

I heard a loud noise that made an echo inside the car.

I slowly look to Chase, his forehead is bleeding while his head is on the dashboard, where my hands is at his head.

"f**k!" I said and went outside to open the other side of the car. I look around, and no one's passing by. It's like a dead road.

So quiet.

The only lights is from Chase car, no other light, and the road was in the middle of the forest.

The scariest thing I encounter in my whole life.

I open the door and I saw Chase holding a gun, pointing it to me. "Don't you dare!" He said in his confident voice. "Chase, I didn't mean to." I said and he went outside, trying to stand by himself, even tho he can't. "I rather walk in a small steps, forcing myself to stand and walk, than be with a crazy person like you!" He said and he keep walking backwards while pointing the gun to me. "You're not just crazy, you're crazy in love! Stay away from me weirdo before I shoot you with this in the head!"

I don't know what to do, I'm just standing here, looking at him, while his hurting himself, by forcing his broken leg to work.

After a second, he fall and drop the gun on the grass. I run towards the gun but Chase hold my feet that makes me fall on the grass. He crawl towards me and tried to get the gun first. I keep searching for the gun using my hand but Chase got it first.

I tried to get the gun to his hand, until he pulled the trigger. A loud noise was released from the gun and we both stop and look to each other.

This Chase in front of me, it's not Chase. It's not the Chase I know, he is not the boy I know, he's different.

"Who are you?" I ask him and shove his head using my arm. I heard a crack from the distance so I look fast and I was shock when I saw Chase lying on the ground, his eyes are wide open, and his head was tilt, looking in my direction, like he's staring to me.

"Chase?" I called his name. "Chase?" I called him again, but no response. I kneel down and look at him. I was shock when there's a blood from his head, spreading on the grass. "Chase?!" I shake his body, I tried waking him up, but....

He's dead.

I felt the tears on my cheeks, and this time, I didn't stop it from falling down. I let my emotion out.

I killed him, not intentionally, but accidentally.

I felt my soul left my body, but the difference this time, it didn't came back.

It never did

I look to my hands, to my both bloody hands. I wipe the blood on my hands using my white shirt that I'm wearing.

Shit.

What did I do?

What should I do?

"Please! Henry! Answer your damn phone!" I said but it just keeps ringing. I called Henry for 4 times, but it just keep ringing.

Where the hell is he?

I keep looking around to see if someone's watching me, but they can't see what I'm doing because we're behind Chase Car....

I hope so...

The only lights here is from Chase car.

And speaking of Chase, he is dead. His body is lying down on a grass, and the blood to his forehead dried up, and I can't breath, because I can't handle this.

I tried calling Henry again for the fifth time, while waiting for him to answer, I look back to Chase body. God, his eyes are still open!

I bent down and close his eyes using my two fingers.

I can't keep pretending that I'm okay, because I'm not. If Henry didn't answer this, I'm going to do it myself.

"Jackson!!" I almost threw my phone when Henry answered his phone. His voice is really loud. "Where are you?" I ask him. "Drinking? Why? Where are you?" He answered.

Drinking?

Why is he drinking?

"Why are you drinking?" I ask him out of my curiosity. "We lost. Our school lost, and it's my fault, because I kill Chase!" He said.

I kill Chase.

It keep echoing inside my head, the words he said. He didn't kill Chase, I did.

"I need your help Henry! Please! I am begging you! I need your help!" I said in my teary tone. I fall on my own knees. I am so weak right now. I don't know what to do. "Why? What happened? Where are you?" His tone changed when he heard me crying. "At the WestHood shortcut road." I said. "Why? You're going to your boyfriend?" He asks. "f**k you! Just, just please, meet me here, you'll see Chase Car, and you'll see me. I will wait." I said before I ended the call.

I drop my phone on the ground because I hold my shirt tight, and I keep crying.

I murdered him.

I kill him.

Im going to hell.

After 25 minutes of waiting, a light is approaching me that makes my heart beat starts to race faster.

Fuck! What should I do? What if they found Chase dead body here? I'm going to jail! What if it's the police? And they saw me in Chase blood.

The car stop in front of me, I close my eyes because the light from the car hurt my eyes. I put my hands in the air, surrending to my sins.

"Chase?" I heard. I slowly opened my eyes and it's Henry, looking to Chase body. He slowly looks to me. "Jackson? What the f**k did you do?"

He look at me, to my eyes, he couldn't believe I did this horrible thing.

I murdered Chase.

It keeps repeating in my head. I couldn't stop hearing the little voices that is whispering in my ears. A voice that keep saying that I killed Chase.

I know I killed him, but...

"Jackson."

But it's an accident. I didn't kill him on purpose!

"Jackson!"

I didn't know that a simple push can cause a larger problem. I didn't know that there's a rock beside me, a small rock that can kill him.

"JACKSON!"

I went back to reality when Henry shout at me. I look at him and he is looking back at me.

"It's okay bro. It's okay." He said and he hug me. At this time, I didn't know that I need a hug from him. His skin is so warm, and it kept the coldness that I am feeling right now away.

I hug him back, so tight, very tight.

I couldn't imagine that this thing will happen.

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean for this to happen! I didn't mean to kill Chase!" I whispered to his ear. He shush me and he hug me tight. " Don't say it. You didn't kill Chase. It was an accident. Don't say it." He said.

We separated from hugging each other and I look to Chase body.

"Hey. Hey hey!" Henry said and he force my face to look at him. " We're in this together! We will get away with this!" Henry said. "But how??" I ask him. "I-I don't know!! Maybe we leave the body and clean the evidence!" He said." Yes! That's right! Clean the evidence! That's what every killer do! They hide the evidence or destroy it!" He said.

I look at him and he realized what that supposed to mean.

"Oh God! I am so sorry Jackson." He said. "No, it's fine. You're right. I'm a killer, and killer must pay to their sins." I said. Henry touch my both cheeks. He hold my face so tight and he look to my eyes.

"No one is going to jail." He said. "We have to think about the things we're gonna do about him." Henry added.

Henry is right!

We have to think, I have to think

I stop myself from shaking.

Jackson,think! You must think!

I look to my right to look at Chase poor body. I know now what I am going to do.

I know now.

"I'm sorry Henry." I said to Henry. "No it's fine. You don't have to say sorry. I should be the one who should say that." He said.

Yeah, I know that.

"Help me drag his Body Henry." I requested while I'm draging Chase Body to Chase car's trunk. "Wait!" Henry said while wiping the blood stain on the grass.

We're lucky that even tho it's been midnight, the light from Chase car have a bright light so we can see every single detail from the crime.

I rolled my eyes because I don't know what to do. My heart skips it's every beats and I don't wanna get caught, I don't want us to get caught!

"Hey!" Henry shouted. "I told you not to do it alone!" He added and he drop the scarf on the grass and run towards me to help me drag and put Chase body inside his Car Trunk. He acts like he didn't know I am dragging this body alone.

After we put Chase body inside the trunk I look to his body.

"Now What?"

"Come on!" I said while scraping the blood from the rock that killed Chase. Henry already cleaned the grass and erase our DNA to every single object here. We are wearing a gloves so we're not gonna leave any DNA while cleaning and covering up the murder I did.

"You know what?" Henry said. "Give me this rock!" He said so I gave the rock to him. "What are you going to do about it?" I ask him out of curiosity. "Never erase your DNA to an object that kills the victim, because there are a lot of ways to bring the DNA, instead, destroy it." Hendry said. "So how are we going to destroy my DNA or Chase DNA to that rock?" I ask him.

"Burn it."

"Burn? Rocks don't burn Henry." I said. "Rocks don't burn, but can transform into ashes, after burning ." He said.

Oh, that's a great Idea!

I know telling this to Henry is a good Idea. I don't know what I am going to do if I do this alone.

"Come on now let's go." Henry said. "Where?" I ask him... "To destroy the evidence, and your DNA." He said. "But what are we going to do to the body?"

"Are you done yet?" Henry asked to me. "I don't know when I'll be done.

What if there still blood stains on the grass, or on the streets and we can't just see it??" I said. "Then it was nothing for them since there are no suspicious things they can see. " Henry said. "Come here." He said to me so I have no choice but to walk towards him. I was immediately shock when he hug me. "It wasn't your fault, don't think about it alright?" Henry calm and comfort me. "The only problem we should be thinking right now, is where are we going to dump the body." He added. I look to his eyes.

This is the most stupid Idea that I am thinking. But at the same time, this is the only way for us not to get caught. I have plans in my head, I just need to listen to Henry, since his the one who has a lot of experience when it comes on this. He is a med tech student, he knows how DNA works. He knows how to erase one, and knows how not to have one.

"We have to hide the body in my house." I said. Henry's eyes widened and his pupil enlarge, and I know he is against about my idea. But, "I have plans Henry. I trusted you, now you have to trust me back." I said. "But what if you get caught?" He whispered in the air. "What if they saw us, driving this body? And his car? What if they saw the blood? What if the rock didn't turn into ashes? What if there's no what if?" I said. I touch his shoulder. "I have an idea about the rocks, about the car, and his body." I calm him down and hug him back. "Henry, I trusted you my whole life, now you have to trust me on this one... Just this one..." I whispered to his ear.

I felt Henry nodded so I separate myself to him.

"So what is the plan?"

I take a deep breath and get some confident to say this.

"The plan is not to get caught."

"First, I drove Chase car, you drove your car with Chase body."

We separated our ways. Henry went to my house to put Chase body inside my cabinet and he goes home, while me, since I am the one who killed Chase... I will push this car off the cliff, so when somebody found his car, they will mostly think about it as just an accident and not a murder.

Ill never know what to do, if ti wasn't because of Chase. He taught me everything about this, I am glad I listen, because no matter what he says or anyone says, I always listen.

I've been driving for minutes now, and I still can't figured out how I am getting away with this. What if I drove this car on the cliff with me inside the car? Maybe it'll be all fair in the end, but they're going to notice that Chase isn't inside, and they found the body inside my house with all Henry's DNA on him?

I can't let anything happen to Henry, no matter how damned his life right now, we're in this together.

I stop driving when I reach the hillside cliff. I take a deep breath.

"God, please forgive me to all my sins." I prayed. But before I went outside someone whispered in my ears. "God can, but I won't" I jumped out of the car because of frighten that I felt. "What the fuck..." I whispered while looking to every single side of mine. No one is hear, except for me.

So who whispered?

But maybe it is just my conscience telling me that even God will forgive me, Chase will never.

I slowly stood up on the ground and walk towards the car. I get the rock that killed Chase and put it inside the car, so whatever crashes this car, they will think that they have his DNA just like the rocks inside. After throwing the rock inside his car I slowly pushes the car on the cliff so it will fall and crash.

Im not a gym guy so it is hard for me to push this car alone, it will take a minutes or maybe an hour for me before it will fall on the side of the cliff. Until I had an idea to make this a lot easier.

I walk in front of the car and pushes the pedal of the car from inside while pushing the car using my shoulder on the cliff from outside, until I heard a ground breaking noise from where I am standing. I know that it is time for the car to fall, until my phone rang, I was so chocked and scared at the same time so I drop my phone inside the car, but before I get my phone back, it is too late now, the car fall...

Well, I may not be the one inside the car when it fell, but my phone does, so now, how am I going to get away with murder?

I didn't even check who calls me.

So after that event, I went home, I walk thousands of miles with no thoughts inside of me . Well except for one, I wanna f*****g shower at that time. SO when I got home, I go straight to my bathroom, and spend hours in my bathtub, thinking about all of my sins that day, thinking on what will be my life after this. I know my parents aren't proud of me from heaven, or hell, but, if I didn't did it that time, I am probably in the jail right now.

The cold air is tearing my skins apart, the shallowing of the water scares me, and I don't know why. I turn the heater on, but nothing changes, I felt cold, not just by skin, but also by heart and mind.

"I never loved you! Why should I? I don't even know you!"

His words... His words keep echoing inside my head. I couldn't handle the pain, but I know it is unreasonable for me to kill him...

I mean it was an accident.

He threatens me, he point a gun to me, he attack me, like he was never the Chase I knew. Like he turned into a monster who will do everything just to taste blood. I know it wasn't him, but what if, it was him, he just, he just show his true color, his true intentions, his true feeling?

He was drunk and in his pain. And when you are at that moment, you cant lie, he cant lie. That's why I don't want to get drunk, I don't wanna spill some secrets and truth to others. I have secret that is deeper than my hole inside, or just the hole od the volcano or you know what, I have a secret that when I spill it out, I'm sure Ill be damned for life.

And now, I have two secrets that can ruin me, and kill me.

I know where my secrets hide, where Henry's secrets hide, except for one...

Why are they fighting?

I mean, it wasn't my business to know everything about Henry, but, if it wasn't because of him, Chase leg is probably working by now, and he is still alive, and maybe they won the game. But no...

In fact he has a gun in his room and a load of money...

Now I am starting to wonder if trusting Henry about my secrets is the best idea... I feel like, I don't know my bestfriend anymore.

Afteer a long thought came in my mind, I get out of the bathtub and dried myself up. I look to myself by staring at my mirror.

"All will be fine."