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“I wasn’t going to.” He exhales in relief. “Thank god.” “May I continue?” “Aye. I think.” “Don’t be so worried. I’m about to give you a compliment.” “Ah. In that case, please proceed.” My arms are draped over his head, and I’m still bound at the wrists by the handcuffs, so instead of giving him a sharp thump on the chest, the best I can do is tug on a lock of his hair. “As I was saying.” I clear my throat. “I, um…Jesus. Okay, here’s the thing: have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?” There’s a baffled pause. “Are you about to compare my manhood to a mule’s?” “What the hell?” “I understand they use mules to take tourists down the trails into the Grand Canyon. And, as everyone knows, mules are very well endowed.” “If you’d stop trying to pat yourself on the back over the size of y
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