Darkbeam Part I

Chapter 19

Lucian’s date was set. Two weeks from now.

As the days went by and the Fire-Cain wreaked its work on my body, a second claiming, Lucian’s claiming, became real. Each morning when my eyes opened, more pressure rested on my chest.

Do not kill him. Do not kill him.

The days sped by. Fourteen days became twelve. Twelve became nine.

His claiming brought on the dreams again.

I tried. I tried not to use anymore, but I needed the Fire-Cain. I needed my demons tamed.

Still, I needed the human to be in control and I wasn’t when the Fire-Cain took over.

I found myself in the cage again. I was in my dragon form. The dragons I’d killed were all begging me. I was their leader, their protector, the only one they would give their lives for, and here I was taking their lives.

It filled me with rage. Not at them, at myself. I breathed fire.

It consumed me.

I deserved it.

I woke with a startle. Sweat dripped off my face as my breathing came fast. I couldn’t hear my heart, but the tingling sensation and the nausea told me its pace was fast.

I tried to calm down. I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

I was becoming hollow. My eyes weren’t as bright as they were even a year ago. My soul was deteriorating. Nobody could help me, not even Irene.

I didn’t think. I opened the loose tile in the bathroom wall by the sink, took out the packet of white powder, and closed it before Lucian woke up. I cut out a line on the basin and snorted it. The fire burned through my skull.

I started seeing it as burning the darkness out of me. That was why it hurt so f*****g much. Plenty of darkness

It spread to my core. I doubled over but no sound left my mouth. And then everything slowed down. I saw clearly again, even though I knew I was not in control. I saw everything as it was.

I was the evil that the night brought. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I didn’t want it. It is who I am.

I am the darkness that evil brings.

My skull throbbed as if someone was banging on the inside.

I heard the sunlight before I saw it. It streamed in through the window. I struggled to open my eyes.

I was still on the floor with a mother of a headache and the banging wasn’t coming from my head; it was coming from the door.

Lucian was banging on the door.

“Give me a second,” I growled.

“What the hell are you doing in there?” he yelled.

“None of your business.” I got up and washed the powder off my face.

When I opened the door, he faced me off with defiance. I ignored him and pushed him hard with my shoulder as I passed. He closed the door.

I went to get dressed. My head throbbed and the loneliness took over. Why was I doing this? I should just cash in now and get it over with. If I weren’t the Rubicon, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago, but I was the Rubicon and it wasn’t going to be that easy to check out.

The Academy was filled with Lucian’s banners again. There were a few of me, too, but it was more a Dragonian sport than it was a dragon one. No, if we dragons wanted our fun, it happened in the dark hours of the night and underground.

I ignored people who tried to start conversations with me and slept in most of my classes. I didn’t care anymore.

One afternoon, the loneliness really set in and I found myself in the library, f*****g Ash. She really wasn’t that great, but Irene wasn’t on the premises, and Tabitha was just crazy.

“Seriously, Blake,” she spoke when I was done and buckling my pants. “We should make this a bit more exclusive, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t,” I said flatly.

I wasn’t exclusive with anyone, not even Irene.

I found myself leaning against the wall.

Lucian was training in the Colosseum. They usually kept his moves a secret, but I guessed this was a different tactic. A tactic to what, scare me?

He should have been the scared one. He wasn’t close to being ready. The beast was going to eat him alive in seven days

My Cammy rang and I saw Phil’s name. I picked it up and his figure appeared.

“Blakey,” he sang.

“When?” I sounded empty.

“This Friday. It’s the last day of the tournament.”

What? It had been that long already?

Phil smiled. “Everything comes to an end. Eventually.”

I nodded.

“Don’t be late. Be at Sam’s around four.”

The connection broke.

I turned to watch Lucian again.

This call came just at the right time. I had the option of killing someone I didn’t know, as opposed to killing someone who mattered to my world.

The only way Lucian would get out of that ring alive would be after a fight that calmed the beast. Maybe it would be so calm that Lucian could stand a chance to claim me.

“My brother said you should remember not to be late.” Tabitha sat down on the pillow next to mine in the cafeteria.

“Noted.” I smiled stiffly.

She frowned. “Where are you going this Friday?”

“Thank you for the message, but the rest is none of your business,” I said and got up.

“Okay, sorry. I get it. I don’t want to fight.”

“Noted.”

“There’s a party on Thursday night in my room. A little get-together. Will I see you there?”

“I’ll see,” I said and walked away.

Back in my room I took a fingernail of Fire-Cain. It was every day now, but a little bit didn’t cause too many problems.

The human was still in control.

It was just enough to get me through the day.

Thursday night, I stood in front of Tabitha’s room. I didn’t know what I was doing there, but a party might be what I needed before the big fight.

I knew the tournament was coming to an end and Hansel was among the favorites.

She opened the door, looking exceptionally hot in her too-short skirt and fishnet stockings. She wore calf-high boots and a plunging V-neck shirt.

“My eyes are up here, Blake,” she said. “They are pretty, blue, and not blind.”

I gave her my lopsided smile and pinched my nose as she stepped out of the way.

I hated the feeling that the Fire-Cain left me with. Too little made me feel weird, like the tip of my nose was numb. I’d developed this stupid habit of pinching my nose every few minutes. Too much made me do f****d-up things I couldn’t remember.

The door closed behind me and George greeted me with a beer. Brian was bouncing around like an i***t. The music was loud and the curtains were drawn shut.

Longwei sure hadn’t had this in mind when he built the soundproof rooms.

I downed my beer and grabbed another.

“This is going to be fun,” I said in a dull voice. Tabitha grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the bathroom.

I hated that a part of me was weak when I was alone with her.

She didn’t grab me when she closed the door but took out a joint from the cupboard against the wall. She lit it and took a deep drag.

Weed.

It was doing little to nothing for me anymore, but seeing Tabitha taking chances like this, well, that was a first for the Snow Dragon. Usually she sat out things like this.

I accepted the joint and took a deep drag. With the Fire-Cain flowing in my veins, the weed enhanced my high nicely. I chuckled.

“What?”

I shook my head as I blew out smoke. “Nothing.” I smiled and pushed her against the wall.

Our lips met. I knew later on I was going to regret this, but that was later Blake’s problem.

“I’m glad that you made up with Tabitha, Blake,” Irene said as I shared a cigarette with her.

I chewed on my lip. She made me so confused and I didn’t know why it bothered me so much.

She pushed herself up onto her elbow. “We need her and if you occasionally have to sleep with her to make her feel special, then so be it.”

“You’re not jealous?”

“Not as much as I used to be. Oh, believe me, two hundred years ago, the Snow Dragon would’ve been ashes by now.” She bent over and kissed me.

I chuckled against her lips. She was so hot.

The kiss escalated to another round. I could feel her energy like an electric storm. It didn’t hurt, though. It just made me want more.

Sex with her was out of this world.

I slept over that night.

I’d slept with two girls on the same day. That thought wasn’t that awesome anymore. I wondered why.

Why did I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet? Sleeping around had never bothered me until now.

What did it mean?

Did I love someone other than myself?