Darkbeam Part I

Chapter 13

The next few days were s**t. There were no other words for it. Irene made me feel like s**t. Lucian made that feeling ten times worse.

I had finally gotten my Cammy. Isaac called one day; his number was the first one I paired with. We had another gig in about three weeks.

I told him that I don’t know what I would be in three weeks. I told him about the darkness.

He wanted to come over, but I said no.

Not this time.

I put the phone down and didn’t speak to anyone. I found myself on Table View mountain a lot. All the s**t I’d done lately was just making the crash harder.

Starting a relationship with a much older dragon, not to mention the Viden and one of the school staff... It was f****d up. But I missed her. The beast inside still ached for her.

Over the past few days, I’d written down some words. At first they didn’t make much sense, but then they started to form another poem. I called it “Forever Lost.”

It was how I felt at this moment. Lost and no matter what I did to get out of it, I just ended up feeling more lost.

Mind, heart and soul.

Should be good, pure as gold.

Darkness free was my forecast.

But because I’m evil, I’m fading fast.

I’m forever lost.

I’ll be forever last.

Aw, are we going to cry? The beast mocked me.

“Shut the f**k up!” I replied but its laughter just echoed through my mind.

He was always pushing, always showing me the truth, how it was.

Why should I hold on? To what? If this was my destiny, why not just give in now? Why put myself through all this s**t?

I was inside the ring again. The sides of the cage sparkled with electricity.

In front of me stood the Rubicon. He was an ugly motherfucker.

This was it.

I was finally facing him.

We fought. No matter how hard I tried to get the upper hand, he would just do the unexpected and throw me against the wall. The electricity would jolt through me each time.

It hurt like hell.

My energy drained, but still I refused to quit.

I tried again, failed again, and tried something else. Failed, again, failed, again, failed.

I was at my last breath when he picked me up.

His mouth was wide open, just about to swallow, when he started to laugh. The mocking kind.

“When are you going to get it, boy? I am you.”

I woke up with a jolt. Sweat dripped off my forehead. I could still hear his laughter echoing. Echoing from deep within.

Lucian was asleep. The entire Academy was asleep. I needed air.

I found myself on Table View again.

There, I roared until my throat felt shredded. I just needed to not feel dead. ”Alive” was maybe asking too much. Just... not dead. I need to know I was holding on for something. My life couldn’t end like this. I wasn’t ready.

I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore.

I knew what I had to do. I knew how to hang on for a little longer.

I took out the Cammy from my pants pocket where they lay crumpled on the ground and punched Phil’s number in manually.

“Blakey,” Phil’s hologram appeared. “You are late.”

“Back by popular demand!” The emcee yelled. “Hansel Borgendorf.”

The crowds cheered. I was in the ring again and this time it wasn’t a f****d-up dream.

The Green-Vapor hulked over me like a house. He was huge, but size never scared me. The bell went off and this fight was over faster than a ten-count.

The night was over in a flash. I fought three times. The last dragon was a bit more difficult than the other two and was also a Green-Vapor named Henry. When I finally got hold of his wings, he squealed like a pig.

The sound of flesh tearing, the spilling of guts and blood against the floor, the taste of it against my lips.

My acid burning in between.

Some spectators vomited. It was the most gruesome fight they had ever seen. It was replayed on the big screens endlessly.

I knew that when Samuel phoned again, I would come. Samuel wasn’t happy about my taking so long to contact him. If it weren’t for that contract, Samuel would’ve known that I was nobody’s pet.

But without Irene, the darkness would come soon enough. I needed this.

I got dressed in the locker room. On my way out, I signed a couple of girls’ body parts, shirts, shorts, and pieces of paper adorned with Hansel’s face. I climbed into the limo with Samuel, Dimi, and Phil.

We went straight to Sam’s house and partied all night.

Phil handed me my cut. It was a packet of Fire-Cain.

“Phil,” I looked at him.

“I’m not trying to get you hooked on this, Blake.” He came to sit down on the couch. “You know how calm the darkness is when you use. I’m trying to help you hold on.”

I nodded.

I didn’t want to get hooked either, but he was right. The beast wanted me to fail. It was its plan from the beginning. It had tricked me into doing all sorts of s**t so I would think that was what it needed to stay calm. And then it snatched it away.

Using a dirty razor blade from his wallet, Phil neatly cut us each two thin lines on the coffee table in front of us.

“To better times, Blake.”

“To better times.”

Then we snorted.

I crashed in one of Sam’s guest rooms. When I woke, I couldn’t remember much from the night before. My head wanted to explode.

A girl with long, red hair and plenty of curls had caught my eyes. She didn’t have one freckle, but there was a huge purple bruise on her shoulder.

A brunette was on my other side; she had a bruised arm. I lifted up the sheet and found a third girl sleeping under the covers.

Three?

Her neck carried the imprint of my hand.

A cold finger rushed up my spine and my stomach turned. I had to get out of this bed, but my head was about to split in two.

The high was one hell of a rush, a rush where I didn’t give a s**t about who got hurt and who didn’t. But the low? The low was bad.

I pushed my legs off the bed and could feel in my muscles that I’d had s*x last night. Rough s*x. A lot of it.

I closed my eyes. Images jumped in front of my eyelids. Naked bodies everywhere.

What the f**k happened?

I pushed myself up and found my pair of jeans mixed up with leather pants, dresses, and fancy tops. I found my button-down shirt and almost tumbled over. I literally saw double.

The room stopped spinning eventually and I forced myself up and put on my shirt.

I kept glancing at the naked girl’s bruises.

I did that.

I was a monster on the high.

I opened the door, my shoes were in my hands and the house was quiet. I had no idea how I was going to get back to the Academy, but I couldn’t stay there. I had to get out of this place.

I lay low for the next few weeks.

I felt stupid that I hadn’t accepted his offer. Remembering what Samuel said to me in the limo... it was all biting me in the ass right now.

I could’ve gotten something out of this. I could’ve saved and maybe bought that beauty in the window of Andy’s bike shop. It was the most gorgeous piece I’d ever laid eyes on. Some called them s*x on wheels. For me they represented freedom. The more exhilarating the better.

I could’ve.

I shouldn’t think about the what-ifs. They didn’t exist. No matter how vivid the dreams were, they would never become real because she didn’t exist.

She couldn’t.

I pushed the freckled face to the back of my mind when Lucian came in.

He didn’t limp anymore. I hated the fact that he had opted not to heal like the rest of the humans did in Paegeia. It was stupid, the way he spoke about the pain, remembering it.

He was never going to tame me.

The nausea was present again but I could handle it slightly better. Thinking of it as a weakness had done the trick. My darkness didn’t like weakness. After that, it was easier to get closer to Lucian for short periods of time.

I still barked at him a lot, a conversation style that couldn’t be easy for him.

“Hey,” he greeted.

I barely looked at him.

He didn’t take any notice of it anymore. There wasn’t disappointment in his eyes like before and he didn’t ponder or huff each time I attempted to ignore him.

He was sort of growing up. Maybe King Helmut had a weighty conversation with him about thinking twice about claiming me.

He was the crown prince of Tith. His future was more important than a thirteen-year-old’s promise.

I took a deep breath and my stomach turned slightly. I closed my eyes and make a mental note. No deep breaths when he is close. I let it out slowly. Trying to ease the roiling of my stomach.

One could hope that Lucian would break his promise and never try and claim me again.

I went to bed well past midnight. I struggled to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I found a silver envelope on the floor.

Lucian was still sleeping. It could be for him, but it didn’t stop me from getting off the bed and picking it up.

My heart flipped as I saw my name on it.

She was summoning me again.

I still felt like a s**t for what I’d done to her. I hadn’t even spoken to Tabitha since that day.

Master Longwei could’ve easily forced her to meet with me. I hoped that it wasn’t that, but it was possible.

Time crawled. I hated my sweaty palms and lack of concentration. Not that I really had any concentration to begin with, but I felt so wired. I didn’t know if it was seeing Irene again or the darkness creeping back.

When the time finally came, I packed up my books and walked out of the classroom before the professor could say anything.

I reached the tower, dreading each step. Why was I so nervous?

It was times like this that I wished I already had my sight—my Moon-Bolt ability. To know what was going to happen.

I reached out to knock on the door.

“Enter,” she said before my fist connected with the door.

She always knew. It was scary yet amazing at the same time, how strong her sight was.

I opened the door.

Her eyes immediately found mine and I looked away, back to the door as I closed it.

Please, no more fighting.

Neither of us said a word as I skulked toward the chair.

She grabbed her pipe and lit it. She didn’t do that in front of others; the pipe held weed. You could smell it a mile away.

She took a few drags as she took the opposite chair at the table.

My eyes fixed on her.

The smoke blew out in a big white puffs. The smell of weed filled her room, it made the hair on my arms rise as I inhaled.

She put the pipe down and looked at me. “I’m sorry I acted like a little girl.” She pinched her nose.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Slight headache.” She frowned slightly and looked at me again. “I don’t want to fight.”

I got up from my chair and sat on top of the table in front of her. I bent down and hugged her. Her hair smelled like strawberries mixed with honey or vanilla. This sweet scent had become one of my favorite smells.

“I’m sorry, too. It was stupid and I thought maybe Master Longwei wouldn’t get suspicious if I was with a girl my own age. It meant nothing.”

“I got that through the little visions I do catch of you. It’s so hard to see where you are going lately.”

Why couldn’t she see my fate? It didn’t make any sense.

“Is it the reason why you are getting the headaches?”

She shrugged. “I have to force it lately.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s got to do with who you were created for, Blake. Even though your true rider doesn’t exist, their blood is attached to yours. They still protect you, like Al used to protect your father. And I guess the more peril your soul is in, the harder it becomes to see.”

I nodded. Why was I even trying?

She stroked my arm. Then her hand touched mine and our fingers intertwined.

Silence filled the tower.

Finally, Irene stood up in front of me. I stared at her for a few moments and then our lips touched. The kiss was soft and gentle at first, but soon it turned into something much stronger, a hunger I couldn’t ignore.