A Broken Vow to Forever

Hoping for the Hopeless

Chapter 4

PAULEEN

I woke up with a headache and soreness. I opened my eyes to see that I’m now alone in my room, with the curtains still closed. I checked the time—it’s 8:00 in the morning. I’m an hour late for class.

I got up, feeling every ache in my body. Then I remembered: I was with Dino last night. He was incredibly gentle with every touch, but his kisses were intense. I even told him that it was my first time, and I remember him saying that he knew. I didn’t dwell on it then because I was overwhelmed by all the emotions I was feeling. My heart was so full, and so was I.

My first time was exactly how I hoped it would be, and it was with someone I wanted to give it to.

The bigger question for me now is: where do we go from here? What happens next?

It’s true, though, when I told Dino that he would never be just a brother to me. Because I know he isn’t just that. He never will be.

I’ve loved him since I was a little girl who didn’t even understand what love was.

But as far back as I can remember, he was love.

That’s why, even when he used to push me away, I’d still stick to him. Even if he didn’t like me, I’d force my way into his life.

I thought that once I grew up, dressed better, acted like a good girl, studied hard, and excelled at everything, he’d finally notice me. He’d finally like me.

But it wasn’t that easy. Instead, I always saw Dino with older women—models, actresses, or professionals. I never saw him with girls my age, girls who dressed like me. He had a certain type—blonde or brunette—but never a dark-haired girl like me.

I realized then that he liked women who weren’t like me. Maybe I just wasn’t his type.

But having him last night, kissing me, touching places that had been longing for him for years, gave me hope. Maybe he does like me.

I smiled at the thought and got out of bed, then saw a red stain on my white silk bedsheets—the evidence of my innocence.

I quickly removed the sheets and tossed them into the trash can. I could just tell Yaya Helen that my period came unexpectedly.

I was in the shower when I remembered his voice telling me he loved me.

Did he really mean it? Or was I imagining things? After all, I was drunk, and my memory is hazy.

I put on my uniform without much effort to get ready. My phone was blowing up with texts from my friends, so I quickly messaged them that I was on my way.

When the second period ended, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I should have drunk the coffee Yaya Helen prepared for me at breakfast. This hangover is so intense that my head is throbbing.

I placed both hands on the sink and closed my eyes for a moment.

I could feel the other girls leaving the restroom, and then the door closed.

“If you can’t handle drinking, don’t.” His voice.

Wait, is he inside the ladies' restroom?

I snapped my eyes open and saw him in the mirror, leaning against the restroom door with his hands in his pockets.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked, unable to hide my blush. I could barely look at him.

“I didn’t stay long. I left right away and went back to the party,” he answered coldly.

Something felt off. He seemed… colder?

“What do you mean?”

“Julia stayed at the party. I needed to go back and make sure she was safe.” He shrugged, then walked over to me and placed a morning-after pill and a hangover pill in my hand.

“What’s this?” I whispered, confused.

“Can’t you read?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Yeah— Yeah, of course.” I opened the bottled water he handed me and took both pills he gave me.

“Good.” He was about to leave.

“So, you’re still with Julia?” I asked before I could stop myself.

He barely looked at me. “Of course. Why would I break up with her?”

His words hit me like a ten-wheeler truck. The way he spoke to me now, it was as if I was just a one-night stand he used to cheat on his girlfriend with—when he’s been my secret, my most sacred one.

“I—I don’t know. Because something happened between us last night, maybe?” I was getting confused and tangled up in my thoughts.

I didn’t know what was happening.

He clicked his tongue and looked at me, barely showing any emotion as he stared directly into my eyes.

“Pauleen, what happened last night is—”

I could sense the humiliation coming. I knew he was about to trample on my dignity even more. I could feel the tears welling up, and I didn’t want to break down in front of him. No.

“—is a mistake,” I finished for him. His eyes darkened, and his jaw clenched. “I was just drunk, and I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry if we went that far. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.” With all my strength, I looked into the mirror, pretending to fix my makeup.

He just stood there, staring at me with an intensity that burned holes through me.

He scoffed. “A mistake, huh?”

I met his gaze in the mirror. “I’m sure that’s what you would have said too. Let’s cut this short and make an effort to stay away from each other.”

I turned to face him, putting on a brave smile even though I was falling apart inside. “—Let’s not cross paths again, Dino Astor. Besides, there’s only one more year of living under the same roof before you leave for college—and me too. We’re going our separate ways. We can still pretend to be the loving siblings in front of Mom and Dad.”

I was about to leave when he grabbed my arm tightly.

“What we did last night… that’s all it was to you, Pauleen?” His eyes were dark and intense.

“What else would you call it, Dino?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Let’s just bury it until the day we die.” I pulled my arm free from his grip and turned to leave.

I ran to an empty classroom and finally let myself cry.

I told myself this would be the last time I looked at Dino with hope.

Because the truth is, there’s no hope for Dino, after all.

He’ll just mess me up, break me, and tame me. But that’s all it is to him. I don’t know what I did to deserve being treated this way. I don’t know why he’s so angry with me that he’d trample on and humiliate my vulnerability.

Oddly enough, arguing with him seems to be a great cure for a hangover.

During breaks, all I saw was him and Julia flirting openly in front of everyone—including me.

Does it hurt? Yes, a lot.

But what can I do? I brought this on myself.

“Have you heard the news?” Niana whispered.

“If this is about Dino and Julia again, I don’t want to hear it,” I complained.

“Are you okay? Anyway, this is new news. But what happened? Did Dino tell your parents?” Bianca asked.

I sighed, “No, but I know him. He might use it to blackmail me.”

“I don’t think he’s bullying you or anything like that. The way he looked last night, and how furious he was about the bruises Matthew got—it wasn’t just for nothing. He seemed so angry that Matthew even touched you, let alone kissed you—”

Niana’s words were cut off when Tisha spit out her juice, her eyes wide open and her mouth gaping.

“You did what?” she demanded.

I buried my head on the table, mortified.

Bianca and Niana laughed. “Yeah, she got drunk. She danced seductively. Then she kissed Matthew. Matthew got beaten up by Dino Astor. Then Dino dragged her out of the party, and she was never seen again,” Niana filled in Tisha.

“That pretty much sums up everything she did last night,” Bianca teased.

I rolled my eyes at them, and they just laughed. I couldn’t help but glance over to where Dino and Julia were sitting—only to find Dino already staring at me. So, I rolled my eyes at him, too. Damn him.

“So, how’s Matty? Any news on him?” I asked Bianca, since her boyfriend is friends with Dino.

“Yeah, he’s in the hospital now with some major facial injuries and a broken rib,” Bianca sighed. “—Dino went to the hospital too. He confronted Matthew’s parents, who were devastated. Nate said Dino told them that Matty had been taking advantage of drunk women at the party. Dino even threatened the family, saying if they tried to go public, he’d release all the evidence against Matthew. So, case closed. They wouldn’t dare go up against an Astor.”

“That motherfucker is unbelievable,” I said, exasperated.

“Did you even really like Matthew?” Niana asked.

“He’s—he’s good-looking,” I replied.

“Well, after what Dino did to him, I bet he isn’t,” Tisha shrugged.

"So, here’s the news! Enzo Vanderbilt is back!" Niana announced excitedly.

"Enzo? Dino's best friend?" I asked.

"Former best friend," Niana emphasized.

"What happened between them? Why aren’t they friends anymore?" Bianca asked.

"Shouldn’t we be asking you, since Nate is friends with that devil?" I blurted out.

"All I know is it had something to do with a girl. That’s all Nate told me when I asked once," Bianca said, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"A girl?" I pressed. "Who was it?"

"You seem a little too interested in Dino," Tisha smiled at me knowingly. Out of everyone, Tisha was the only one who seemed to notice my crush on Dino.

"I am not," I rolled my eyes at her. "I need to go to the library—I completely forgot we have homework for history."

I stood up, leaving my friends behind, barely touching my food. I had no appetite.

I headed straight to the library to do my homework, but the book I needed was annoyingly high up on the shelf.

Who designed a library with shelves this tall? I’ll mentally take note of this and write it on the freedom wall.

Now, I’m not short. I’m a 5'5 girl, so that’s not exactly petite.

As I struggled to reach the book, a tall figure from behind me grabbed it and handed it to me.

“E—Enzo?” I smiled at him.

He looked at me, as if trying to place me. When he finally recognized me, his smile grew wide. “Pauleen Darling?”

“That I am.”

He handed me the book. “—Thank you.”

I was about to walk away, but he spoke again.

“How have you been? You’re not the same Pauleen I remember,” he said with a smile.

Enzo Vanderbilt—Dino’s best friend since kindergarten. They used to be inseparable, and in middle school, they were the pair who bullied others together. But out of nowhere, they started clashing until Enzo was sent to England. Enzo is handsome and tall like Dino, but he seems warmer, always smiling and more approachable.

“I’m fine. How about you?” I asked as he stood about five meters away from me.

“I want to take you out.” Then he bit his lip, as if surprised by his own words.

I chuckled. “A Casanova, I see.”

He grinned. “No, really. Dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea because, if you must know, your former best friend just sent someone to the hospital for kissing me.” I clicked my tongue. “—so yeah, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, even for you.”

He chuckled. “Some people really never change, right?”

I nodded and smiled back at him. “Yeah, seems hopeless.”

“See you around, Pauleen,” he said with a warm smile.

I returned the smile. “See you around, and welcome back, Enzo!” Then I took my leave and started working on my homework.