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“Aha! So this goes back to your first wife cheating on you.”
“Would you stop saying ‘aha’ like this is actually a breakthrough?”
“Then just talk to me…”
“And say what? That I’m scared Penny will never remember? That I’m scared I’ll have to go through the rest of my life in this f*****g terrible numb state? That I’m worried I’m going to lose my son too? That when I think about everything I can’t breathe?”
She stood up and hugged me.
I hadn’t expected her to do that. For a moment, I stayed still, hoping she’d just let go. But when I finally forced myself to hug her back, I felt a sense of relief. When was the last time someone had tried to comfort me? That wasn’t fair. Tons of people had tried to comfort me when Penny was unconscious. But I had pushed them all away. Because that’s what I did. I couldn’t lie though, it felt really nice to be hugged.
“That’s a good start,” Melissa said and smiled up at me. “Tell her those things. Be real instead of suave.”
“Trust me, I haven’t been suave.”
“You’re always suave. It’s kinda your thing.”
I laughed.
“Oh my God, did I just get you to smile?” She leaned closer. “Yup, you’re officially smiling. See…doesn’t it help to talk?”
I sighed, but it was just for show. “Sure.”
“This is what girls do,” she said and sat back down on the couch. “We talk everything out. So pretend you’re a girl for a few minutes and chat with me.” She patted the couch beside her.
“This is a ridiculous exercise.” But for some reason, I found myself sitting down.
“So you said you were scared she’ll never remember. Let’s say the worst happens and she never does. What then?”
“Then…nothing. There is no me without her.”
“You’re being a little dramatic, James. Good job, you’re really finding your inner woman for this chat.”
I wasn’t being dramatic. I was serious. If Penny never remembered me, my life was over. I couldn’t keep going without her. I thought of Scarlett upstairs sleeping peacefully and of my son attached to all those machines. If I gave up, I’d be letting them down. I knew that and yet…how could I keep going?
“But really,” she said. “What would you do?”
I ran my hand down my face as I leaned back on the couch. “I don’t know, Melissa. Does Penny leave me in this scenario?”
“Yeah, I’m talking worst case. She doesn’t remember and skips town again because she can’t stand you. What’s your plan?”
“This isn’t helping.”
“I just want you to think about the absolute worst thing. And then we figure out how to make that not happen. Trust me, it’s therapeutic.”
I looked down at my lap. “Worst case?” I exhaled slowly. “Penny leaves and I spiral into depression. I start taking drugs again. I ignore my kids because they look like her. I shut everyone in my life out. And I probably overdose and die.”
“Jesus that’s dark.”
I looked up at her. “You said worst case.”
She laughed. “Yeah, I thought you’d say like…try to better yourself and win her back.”
“I assumed in the worst case I couldn’t win her back.”
“Fair enough, drama queen.” She laughed as she pulled her knees into her chest. “Okay, here’s how to prevent doomsday. You know Penny better at 26 years old. But no one knows Penny better at 19 than I do. She desperately wants someone to love her for her. I think you loving her already makes her feel like you didn’t get to know her. You know?”
“I guess?”
Melissa laughed. “You need to ask her more questions. Even if you already know the answers. Take interest in what she’s saying. Maybe even pretend you don’t know the answers. Make her feel…seen.”
“Seen?”
“Yeah. After you two met, she told me that it felt like you saw her. I know…super cheesy. But it’s what she said.”
“I never knew that.” I could picture Penny telling Melissa all about how we met. She hadn’t gone into specific details in her novel. “What else did she say?”
“Well, she didn’t take off the sweater you loaned her for hours. She kept talking about how good you smelled.”
I smiled.
“Another smile? I’m on a streak,” she said.
I thought about the engagement ring in my pocket. “So getting down on one knee and asking her to be my wife again is a bad idea.”
“Yes. Wait, were you planning on doing that? It’s too soon, James.”
“I only knew her for two months before I proposed the first time.”
“Which was crazy. That was something a crazy person would do.”
I laughed. “If I hadn’t recently gone through a divorce, I probably would have done it sooner. She’s it for me, Melissa. Dramatic or not, she is.”
She gave me the saddest smile. “Then take my advice and go slowly this time around. Okay? You don’t want to spook her. She’s already run away once.”
Yeah. Melissa and Liam agreed. No grand gestures. At least not quite yet. I glanced at the coffee table. The manuscript almost looked like it had been shuffled around. I picked up one of the sheets and scanned it."Exactly how many girls have you slept with, Tyler?"
He leaned forward. "I'm going to pass."
"You're not allowed to pass."
He stared at me.
"That many, huh?"
"Look, I know why you're asking. You want to know if I've been with anyone since I started talking to you."
"So...?"
- Writer
