Curse And Craving

50

A gaping reminder of how badly I’d hurt the most important people in my life. Keeping their lives as happy and painless as possible had been my one goal ever since, and now I’d be forced to hurt them all over again. All because of Merlin and the damn chain around my neck. Anger helped soothe the heartbreak, calming my shuddering breaths. As my thoughts quieted, I noticed a faint whispering in my mind. It wasn’t as pronounced as when I sensed the Red Caps in the shadows, but a similar awareness told me I wasn’t alone. I peered around, my gaze snagging on the darkness under my bed. There in the shadow, the Brownie stood watching me. Remembering what Cyrene had taught me, I bowed my head slowly as I lowered my eyes. He seemed immobilized at first, then dropped his head a fraction. Warmth filled my chest. The ocean of heartbreak that lived inside me hadn’t been forgotten, but for the moment, I was able to keep my head above its icy depths.

I offered the little man a small smile before asking, “Do you live here?” I wasn't sure if he spoke English, or if he spoke at all, but talking to him seemed the next logical step in making friends. Seconds after I spoke, he disappeared. I sighed, replacing the photo album back on the shelf and going back downstairs to clean the mess I’d made. In my continuing efforts of friendship, I left out a small plate of food before I grabbed my new bag of incense and headed upstairs. Mom’s message had reminded me that I’d stopped on my lunch break at a tea shop that sold incense and had been able to buy something I hoped would work. After I lit one end, the familiar smoke filled my bedroom and wrapped me in the comforts of home. Despite our grief and sorrow, my family had persevered, and I could only hope the same would be true when I looked back on these dark days in Belfast. THE FEATHER-SOFT TOUCH of words buzzing in my mind stirred my conscience. I wasn't alone. He was there. The shadow man. I opened my eyes, and despite the darkness, I could clearly make out his ominous form standing over me. Without warning, he flew at me like he’d done in recent weeks. He entered my body, filling my lungs and mouth, seeping into my very pores. I didn’t fight him this time. I was all out of fight. I lay still and found that when I relaxed, I didn’t need to breathe. I didn’t need to panic. Once the rush subsided, I opened my eyes to the dark, empty room. A chilling calm took hold of me as I walked to the bathroom. I didn't turn on the lights. I had no need for them. Creatures of the shadows were not handicapped by a need for light. Our eyes observed everything. Glorious black eyes stared back at me from the mirror, and I reveled at the wicked intent hidden in their depths. Raising my hand, I licked at the blood coating my fingers. Still warm and sticky. My eyes glided shut as I savored the rich flavor. The coppery liquid served as a delicious reminder of how each of them screamed when I took their lives. Flashes of the ones called Mom and Dad. How they’d begged. Pathetic. Fool humans never even tried to save themselves. Better to have ended their miserable existence. I opened my eyes again. My dark reflection leered back at me, red-stained teeth bared in a beguilingly vicious grin. I am the darkness. I am silent death. I bolted upright in bed, gasping for breath. My eyes immediately fell to my trembling hands, desperately searching for confirmation that it had been a dream. No blood. No sticky evidence of the hideous crimes I’d seen except for visions planted deep into the recesses of my mind. They’d been so real. I could still hear my parents' horrified cries, begging me to stop. Why, Rebecca? Why are you doing this? My dad wept as we both stood over my mother's mutilated body. A sob wrenched from my chest, and another, and another, until I could hardly breathe. Fear struck so deep in my heart that I could no longer feel it beating. What was I becoming? Was the vision a sign of things to come? What more could this dark power do to drain my humanity from me? What small vestiges of me would remain? Fear devoured me, leaving a weeping pool of snot and tears. A pathetic heap of pain, powerless to change anything. I hated feeling powerless. I hated the incense for not keeping the dreams at bay. I hated Merlin for changing me. I hated Guin for her threats. I hated the secret enemy threatening us with war. But most of all, I hated what I’d become—a woman swathed in fear, shackled to fate. I was a pawn—a tool to be used and disposed of without care—because I had no purpose of my own. My fists pounded the bed. I screamed, rage bursting from my throat in a wailing howl. I vented all my frustration and fury, but no amount of crying would change anything. It didn’t matter how much I pled or raged or schemed—my life was on a collision course with disaster unless I found a way to stop it. No one else was going to help me. My life and the lives of those I loved were in my hands. I jumped from my bed and stumbled over to my bedroom mirror. Ignoring my snotty, tearstained face, I stared at my brown-eyed reflection and reached back for the necklace clasp. I tried to remove the offending chain until my shoulders ached, and I whimpered in frustration. Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff. I chanted in my head as panic swelled to a breaking point. Slamming my fists on the floor, I screamed at my reflection. My eyes shifted to black, and the mirror splintered. I stilled at the evidence of my power. I’d done that. I’d broken the glass just like I’d turned invisible and killed that Red Cap. I have powers that I could use to break free of my Fae prison. If I could turn Fae, then surely, I could return to being human. I could use my magic to get the necklace off, and all my problems would be solved. I’d be free.