RUIN ME

NEW SCHOOL

“Zeeeph!!!”

My eyes pop out of my skull from my mother’s scream early in the morning. It even scared the crows away from my window sill. Those poor birds. “You’re going to be late for school!” says mom.

I glance at the clock on my bedside table to check what time it is. It’s six o’clock in the morning. The clock hasn’t even started to chime yet. Why does she always have to overreact?

My whole body feels stiff, probably because it hasn’t moved for hours. I extend my hands and stretch my entire body to its maximum potential. My heart is pounding fast as I think about my first day of school, which is today. “I wanna die,” I mutter. Of course, it’s just an expression. I just want to get rid of this nervousness that has tormented me since the day I was officially enrolled. It’s too frightening to think about dying.

Pituta, who is smiling beside me, catches my gaze. It’s a plush mouse with a sweet expression, long lashes, and cheek blush. I cuddle with her every night because she’s just so soft and cosy. “I wish I could just be you,” I mutter. “You don’t have to deal with any struggles in life. Your smile don’t fade away, and you even get cuddles at night.”

I get out of bed and head over to my cupboard to decide what I’m going to wear today. I just have a few pieces of clothing in my closet, and most of them are identical to each other. It’s only the print and colour that set it out from the others.

I pull one of my vintage oversized shirts out of my closet. Is it appropriate to dress in black on the first day of school? “This is what I’m wearing,” I mutter. It’s a black shirt with a front print of old vintage automobiles and the word ‘classic’ embroidered on it. Then I put on my go-to grey joggers and a cute pair of socks. “I gotta shower!”

I make my way to the mirror while blow-drying my damp hair in my white bathrobe. When the sunlight hits my face, it causes my eyes to appear amber in colour. My nose appears to be narrow and pointed. My skin is looking luminous and radiant. So luscious are my lips. Despite this, I still see my flaws, such as my crooked jaw, which is ruining everything. It doesn’t look obvious, and only one person has noticed it who told me about it. Now, whenever I look in the mirror or see myself in photographs, it’s the first thing I see.

“I think I look fine?” I say, trying to convince myself. My heart is racing again as I think about the possibilities that may arise later.

Thud, thud…

Thud, thud…

Thud, thud…

I carefully open the door, revealing my new classmates. I mumble under my breath, “I can do this.” They’re chitchatting and laughing with each other as though they’ve known each other for years.

I dash to the nearest vacant chair, which is in the back left corner. I take a seat and then gaze down, struggling to breathe in the midst of the crowd. I can sense their piercing stares and hushed whispers. It appears that I am the lone newcomer here.

“He must be Zeph.”

“He’s cute!”

“Why does he look scared?”

I sit up straight right away to convey some confidence, even if it’s obvious that I don’t have any. One of the guys approaches me and extends his right hand to me. “Hello, my name is Mico.” When I look up, I see a pleasant face. He appears cocky in his smile and way of speaking. “Are you Leo?” he asks.

“No, I’m Zeph,” I respond shyly. I shake his hand, worrying that he’d feel my cold hands.

“Nice to meet you, Zeph.” He grips my hand hard. “Do you play basketball?”

Let go of my hand now, please! “No, I don’t.”

“Aww, okay.” He finally lets go of my hand and returns to his seat. It looks like he’s no longer interested in me.

I’m sick to my stomach knowing that I have to socialize and make some friends today. I can feel my temperature rising, as if I’m about to develop a fever. The girl in front of me smiles at me as she turns around. I return the smile. Why isn't she making an effort to introduce herself? Should I be the one to make the first introduction? No way.

After a few minutes, two girls march toward me hesitantly, debating about who should speak to me first. They take the empty chairs immediately next to me. “Hi,” they greet enthusiastically. They don’t look like Filipinos, so I’m assuming they’re not.

“Hello,” I say, in my high-pitched voice. That was a mistake I made.

They giggle as they stare at each other.

“My name is Yuri!” says the girl, who has an undeniably attractive face. I’m used to seeing this face in K-dramas. I’m presuming she’s from Korea.

“And my name is Amisha,” says the other girl who looks like an Indian. “Nice to meet you!” I’ve met a lot of Indians in Brunei, and she must be one of them. I can’t be mistaken.

I shake their hands, and they appear to be really friendly. “Where are you from?” I probe a little nervously.

Amisha says, “I’m from India.”

Yuri adds, “And I’m from South Korea. Are you the one who’s from Brunei?”

“No—I mean yes,” I stutter. “But I am not a Bruneian. I’m a full-blooded Filipino, only there for about a year.”

Yuri assumes, “You don’t like it there?” I simply smile at her, giving a hint of my answer. I’m not sure what to say because, to be honest, I don’t like it here either.

The back door slams open with a thud. A woman walks into the room, dressed modestly in a tweed sports coat and a modest skirt. She carries a transparent envelope filled with files. I believe this is our professor.

“Tin has arrived!” exclaim the two girls as they hurry to their seats. The crowd falls silent.

The woman places the envelope on the table in front of her, then raises an eyebrow as she looks at each of us in the class. She quickly transforms her stern expression into a hilarious smile, causing everyone to burst into laughter. So, I laugh too.

If this is hell, she must be the devil. “Good morning, Professor Tin!” everyone greets, except for me, struggling to catch up.

“Cease with those fake smiles. I’m not in a good mood,” says Tin, making the room fall silent. “Let’s introduce ourselves, shall we?”

The door creaks, making us all turn our heads to see who has just entered. It’s a tall, handsome man with a strong physique. “That’s Leonardo!” whispers the girl in front of me, gossiping with her seatmates. “I stalked his social media yesterday, and he’s not only a hottie but also very wealthy!”

The guy takes a step in my direction and places his belongings on the empty chair next to me.

“First day of school, and someone’s already late!” says Tin, arms folded.

“I’m sorry,” he simpers as he sits in his chair. “I got stranded in traffic.”

“Excuses! Are you a new student?” asks Tin, her brows furrowing. Leonardo nods and gives her a quick smile. “Great. Then you’ll be the first one to introduce yourself. You want the spotlight, right? Then I’ll give it to you.”

Leonardo furrows his brow in confusion, then stands up confidently and begins introducing himself to the class. “Hello, everyone. My name is Leonardo Forbis. You may call me Leo if you want. I’m nineteen. Around 6ft tall.” Girls begin to scream and holler, making him blush, then he continues, “My hobby... it’s probably cooking. I find joy in it because as a child, whenever my mother felt sad or troubled, I would cook for her. My father was always there to guide me, and I never failed to bring a smile to her face with the dishes I prepared.”

“Now there’s a kid with a pure heart,” she remarks. “Anything else you’d want to tell us about yourself?”

“Uh,” Leo pauses for a moment, unsure of what to say. “I’m an Aquarius.”

“Excuse me, what?”

“Aquarius,” he says, pausing to see if she gets it. “My zodiac sign?”

“Oh, I see,” she chuckles. “Strange.”

“What school did you attend?” she probes once more.

“Right, I almost forgot about that. I come from Lexton University in Massachusetts.”

“Incredible! So, what brings you here?” she wonders, taking a step closer.

“Well, that’s personal!” he exclaims. “But I was born and raised here in Davao, so... Yeah, I miss home.”

Tin grins. “You have a charming attitude to match your gorgeous appearance! Ladies, do you agree?”

Screams reverberate across the room. “Yes!”

Tin finally instructs Leo to take a seat, and then her gaze shifts to me. As I watch her eyes locking onto mine, I feel myself growing cold and shivering. Everything moves at a glacial pace. Sweat starts to roll down my brow. My heart races faster than it has ever been, to the point that I can hear my own heartbeat.

Thud, thud…

Thud, thud…

Thud, thud…

Leo taps me on the shoulder, jolting me back to my senses. I look at him, startled. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, his concern evident in his eyes. “You look pale.”

I anxiously nibble on my lower lip but notice that his unwavering gaze remains fixed on me. “I’m fine,” I say hesitantly.

He leans closer, his voice a soft murmur in my ear. “Professor is calling you.”

“Oh, darn it!” I exclaim, leaping up as quickly as I can and eliciting laughter from the entire class. Have I been so lost in my thoughts all of my senses have shut off?

Tin, with an annoyed tone, asks, “Did you not hear me?”

“I’m sorry, I...” I stammer, unable to recall what she said.

“Hurry up and introduce yourself to the class,” she instructs, folding her arms and casting a stern gaze my way. It makes me want to piss in my pants.

“Of course,” I mumble, my throat dry as I struggle to swallow my nervousness. “Hello, everyone. I’m Zeph Mckee, and I’m nineteen years old. I previously attended Sarjana Academy in Brunei.” The room falls silent briefly, followed by a flurry of hushed conversations among the students. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

“Is that all?” Tin prods. “Tell us something unique about yourself.”

I stammer, my face flushing with embarrassment. “There’s nothing particularly interesting about me...”

“Do you have any hobbies? Anything you’re passionate about?” Tin’s voice carries a hint of irritation. “Or perhaps a unique talent?”

I reply quietly, “I don’t have any hobbies, and I’m not particularly talented at anything.” I feel like I’m sinking further into a pit of awkwardness.

Tin’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Nothing at all? How about pets?”

“Well, I do have a plush mouse named Pituta.”

“What?” Tin bursts into laughter, and the rest of the class follows suit. “You mean you have a stuffed toy mouse, and you’ve given it a name like Potato or something?”

“Yes,” I admit, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “That’s all there is to know about me, I guess.”

“Thank you, Zeph,” Tin finally composes herself and speaks with a mischievous glint in her eye. “You have such a cute, adorable voice! And please, take good care of your pet mouse, Potato.”

Laughter erupts in the classroom once again, even from my seatmate, Leo.

“At least he’s easy on the eyes,” Tin quips.

I glance around the room, noticing the guys are enjoying the moment while the girls appear disappointed.

Here we go again.

And so my horrible high school life continues. . .