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Anger,rage,frustration, anxiety,worry. A thousand words could be used to describe what I was going through but none could pinpoint to how I was really feeling.
I hate this family. I hate this doctor. I hate my parents. I hate the fact that I am here. I hate that no one ever listens to me. I hate that I have to go for therapy.
Why do they think I need therapy again? Yes,it's because the stupid doctor believes that I have a psychological problem. I mean I know I have one but the singular fact that he proposed the theory of solving it through therapy,made my skin crawl.
Out of frustration,I took a flower vase sitting on a bedside table and threw it to the wall. I stood there and watched as the pieces that was one held together to create a beautiful vase came shattering to the ground. It reminded me of how my life shattered when my mom killed me.
Someone must have heard the crackling sound the vase made when it had contact with my wall, because Amanda came running upstairs with my mother hot on her heels. They barged into my door and mom got into a fighting stand and she shouted "Whoever you are,just know that I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it"
When she had finished surveying the room and she found out that there was nobody there,she turned to me and asked "Becky,what happened?"
Amanda took so much pleasure in answering for me. "If you ask me,I'll say she took the flower vase my mom gave her for her 10th birthday,and threw it to the wall. Out of frustration of course" and then she turned to me and smirked.
With a smug look on my face I told her "well,she wasn't asking you. Now was she?"
Mom looked at both of us and it was clear that she wasn't happy. "Okay even when I didn't ask her,she did say something. I mean her words do have some atom of truth in it,or does it not?"
"What does it matter? And why are you up here? Where is dad? Or can't he defend me because he is a stay at home dad?" I sensed that I struck a nerve when I said that because Mom dropped her pepper spray and marched up to me.
She pointed a finger at me and finally spoke with anger "You listen here young lady,what you went through was horrific and draining. Yes,I know that. We all know that but it does not in any way give you the right to talk about my husband in such a demeaning way. If you ever open your mouth to utter such rubbish as you just did,I will close it up for you before you can even get the words out. Do you understand me!?"
I have never seen that side of her before,so I just kept quite and nodded my head. She turned and walked away. She stopped at the door and said "dinner will be ready by 7. Amanda,feel free to join us if you want to".
"Thanks, Mrs. J." Amanda was able to get those words out before mom could close the door. She later turned to me and said with her usual excited voice "Jesus Christ girlfriend,were you desperately trying to get a raise out of your mother?"
Puzzled because I thought mom was happy all the time,I asked Amanda. "Has she ever been like that before?"
Amanda shook her head. "First time I'm seeing it. Oh,but she did s***k your brother once when he drove your father's car into a wall. And that was the last time I have ever seen her angry. Wow,she must really love her husband to not tolerate any nonsense talk from anybody about the man." She looked at the door and concluded "He is a lucky man,I can tell you that much"
I didn't care about that last part as much as one would expect. What I cared about was who barged dad's car into a wall. "Which brother did that?"
"I'm sorry what?"
"Which of my brother barged dad's car into a wall?"
"Which of your brother do you think did it?" she laughed and jumped on my bed "definitely not that cute James. Tell me when last you guys talked,did he mention my name. Did he say anything about me?"
I just knew it would be Jeffrey that will do something so stupid and reckless. I made a mental note to myself to look out for that guy. He has trouble written all over him and my dream sure didn't help convince me otherwise. But I had to tease Amanda about the fact that she has a crush on James. I didn't care because he wasn't my brother.
I jumped on the bed and smiled at her. "So, James huh?" and I wink.
"Okay,when did you learn how to wink?"
"I have always been able to wink and don't change the topic"
"No,you have never been able to wink. You have only been closing both of your eyes at the same time. s**t was always funny though"
"Okay well now I can wink. So can we now drop this topic and talk about this crush you have on my brother?"
"It's not a crush per say,more like an admiration for his wonderful features"
"So in summary, a crush"
"Oh don't be so happy about it. I just admire him and that's all. My real crush is someone a lot more hotter"
I gasped at her and asked out of shock "who is more hotter than James?" She looked at me with a weird face and I realized how what I just said sounded. "Don't even go there"
She raised her hands up in a way of surrender and said "as long as you know that there is something called i****t"
I rolled my eyes and asked "where are those boys anyway? I haven't seen them since I got back"
"They are probably out working or so"
"They have jobs?"
"Nothing serious,just small jobs for the summer"
Well,you know what they say. Talk about the devil and he will appear. As we were talking, Jeffrey walked in. "Little sister of mine,how are you? I heard you had a mental breakdown and you will now have to go for therapy. How does that feel?"
"God sometimes I just want to kill you" with anger in my voice,I replied while walking towards him. Amanda came from behind and held me back.
"Okay,Becks. Dinner should be ready by now. Let's go down and eat" And we walked away leaving Jeffrey in my room.
"How do I tolerate that bastard?" I asked Amanda.
"Do what I always do. Just ignore him." We were already in the kitchen and the food smelled wonderful. Amanda didn't waste time in telling Mom that "Mom wow,the food smells wonderful."
"Well,thank you Amanda. Help me set the table please"
Amanda and I helped her arrange the plates and napkins and mom went up to call Dad and James.
Few minutes later, everything was all set and dad sat at the head table. Mom said a prayer and we all digged it.
We had spaghetti. Mom apologized for not preparing a fancy meal to welcome me back home. According to her,she had a lot to do and she just didn't have that much time left to prepare enough fancy food to go around. She did say that she will make up for it another day.
I told her not to worry because I have never been a foodie and I was already on her bad side and I was trying desperately to get out of it. She just smiled at me and went back to eating.
I still haven't been told which school I would be attending and since the summer was almost over,I had to know.
"Dad,you still haven't told me which school I will be going to?"
"That's because you will be attending the same school you were attending before. Lucher Carter"
My fork fell out of my hand "What?"
So, Rebecca Jail lived in the same house as I did and went to the same school I did. The only thing stopping me from not believing that Rebecca Jail is me was the fact that Amanda was my great great grandmother and I didn't see any relationship between her and Rebecca Jail apart from friendship.
But still, Oh my God!
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