A Luna's heart

REALITY

LEILA'S POV

All this had taken place in my in my head. I closed my eyes briefly, opened them. I was still standing in front of the cafe. The hot afternoon sun was still beating down on me, the man I had been drawn to was slipping away from my reach with every passing second, and Ruelle was looking at me like I had gone crazy. To escape from the harsh realities of my life, I lived life to the fullest, but only in my head. Most times, I wished I had the guts to do in real life what I did sometimes in my overactive imagination.

But what would I do if I somehow went to meet the guy with the scar? He might just see me as a girl who was throwing herself at him. Still, just to see the look on Ruelle's face and to know how it felt to actually stand up for myself would have been great.

"What is wrong with you?" Ruelle asked, eyeing me warily.

"Nothing," I said.

She turned again and beckoned to me again. I went a few steps, then stopped. Somehow I could not find it in me to give up just yet.

"Ruelle, I want to go just around the block from here." I pointed to the direction where the man had made a turn. "There are some stores around the area that I would like to see. I did not really get a chance to see them properly before, you know... going in there."

As I spoke, I kept glancing that way. I could still see half of the car, but not the men. They must have gotten in. Or they were probably standing around there. Ruelle looked at me in disbelief. This was the most resistance I had put up to her bossy ways, in a day. I didn't always do what was expected of me all the time. Sometimes, I felt the need to assert myself. That need was very strong today. I just wished I could do it without having a row with Ruelle.

"I honestly don't know what has gotten into you today-," Ruelle said in a low, threatening voice. "-but no, you can't go around the block. The stores and the streets aren't running away. You can always see them later. If you imagine for a second that I'm going to let you go there, and then chase after you because you may have another of your-"

I stiffened. Here we go again, I thought. She was going to remind me of my condition once again. But just then the door to the cafe opened. Ruelle glanced in that direction. A teenager, munching on a burger came out. She was lightly swinging a large plastic bag, which was branded with the cafe's name on it, with one hand. Ruelle's eyes lighted on the bag, then she looked in the direction she had been heading to before. She seemed to make a sudden decision. She dipped her hand into her pocket, counted the bills she had there, and nodded, satisfied.

"While we are here, I might just as well get us some lunch... and dinner as well," she said. Her face darkened. "I bet the food at that motel we are staying is as crummy as the rooms they let out."

My heart beat fast in excitement. I could not believe my luck. Here was my chance to remain around here for just a little longer.

I tried not to look to excited as I said, "You go in. I will stay here if that's okay by you. The cafe is really hot and crowded anyway."

She shrugged. "Fine. Just make sure that you are here, exactly at this spot, when I get back."

I nodded. Through the glass door, I watched her approach the counter and start talking to a waitress. As soon I was sure she was not looking my way anymore, I ran in the direction Grey had gone, weaving my way through the people who were on the sidewalk. Just then I heard a squeal of tyres and the car I had noticed earlier began to turn the corner quickly. My heart sank as I realized I would be too late to stop it. A group of people were directly in front of me. I tried to push past them in order to see into the car. Briefly, I caught a glimpse of the man who had claimed Grey's attention. And then I saw the bill of Grey's cap. His face was turned to his companion. Just as he began to turn in my direction, someone got in my way and the car immediately sped past. I turned too quickly and bumped into someone directly behind me. The man I bumped into was tall and he blocked my view of the car.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I apologized. As I did so, I craned my neck, trying to see the street ahead but it was already too late. The car had become just a speck in the distance. It had taken my mystery man out of my life forever. I felt my heart contract painfully at the thought. The tall man grunted and walked past. I battled with feelings of regret. If only I had gotten there a little sooner... I stood there for a while. Someone came out of the cafe and I recalled that Ruelle may come out anytime soon. I walked quickly back to my spot. About a minute later, she came out, carrying a plastic bag.

"Amongst other things, I got your favourite... chicken sandwiches," she said as we walked. "It was the only type they had left."

She said it in a tone of regret as though she wished she had gotten something I didn't like. I murmured my thanks. As we walked to the motel, I walked with my head down, kicking at the curbstones. I had completely lost all interest in taking in the sights of the city. I went straight to my room. Ruelle came in a little while later and dumped some food on the table.

"Your share," she said.

And then her eyes narrowed as she stared at the lamp which I had knocked off the table in what seemed like a lifetime ago. She glanced sharply at me, seemed about to say something, then thought better of it. She left and I breathed a little more easily. It was eerie how it always seemed that Ruelle noticed the smallest things. It was almost as though she had a sixth sense.

I was in a morose mood all day as I could not help thinking about what had happened. In the evening, with nothing to do, I went into her room, sat down on a chair. She was painting her nails and even though she knew I was there, she did not acknowledge my presence. I watched her for a while and then blurted out a question that had been all my mind all day.

"Ruelle," I said. "I am curious about something. I have heard people talk about love at first sight, attraction and knowing instantly that someone is the one for you... the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Do you believe in that sort of thing? I don't know what to call it... fate or whatever?"

Ruelle was silent for such a long time that I thought she would not reply. She held up her painted nails to the light, blew on them. Then she looked at me. A sneer played about her lips.

She scoffed. "And who is asking? You? What do you want to know about that for? You are not thinking of getting married. Are you?"

She threw back her head and let out a long peal of laughter as though I had just shared a funny joke. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Why are you asking though?" she said as she wiped tears of laughter out of her eyes.

I shrugged. There was no way in hell I was going to tell her about Grey, not when she had just reacted like this. Before I asked the question, I had already known she was probably just going to be mean to me. It turned out I was right after all.

"I just wanted to know. That is all."

"Well, it would be better if you don't know about these things," she said. "Love and attraction may happen for some people, but definitely not for you."

Feeling tears prickle my eyes, I got up quickly and hurried out of the room. Just as I stepped out of the room, she laughed again.

"Asking about love," she mumbled to herself. "As if..."

I shut the door firmly behind me, cutting off her words. I had gone to Ruelle, seeking for answers, something that would give me hope and lighten my mood. Instead, I felt more miserable than before. I spent the rest of the evening in my room, staring out of my window. From it, I could see the busy street. It seemed that Ashville got busier as night approached. The street lights and neon lights of stores twinkled invitingly. I made a sudden decision. I turned off my lights. I tiptoed to Ruelle's room, satisfied myself that she was asleep. I figured that Grey could be a regular at the cafe. Or I could ask someone about him. I snuck out of my room, under the cover of night and began to hurry to the cafe.