Mad, Bad and Dead

2

2

I stood there frozen for what seemed like an hour then my guts started churning and I knew I had to get outside, fast. I ran down the hallway, through the kitchen and down the steps. There was an outside toilet tucked under the back verandah roof, door gaping open and I ran for the bowl. I heaved a few times but managed not to vomit, taking lots of deep breaths until my hands started tingling.

‘OK, OK,’ I said, out loud. ‘Stay calm. It’s OK.’ But it wasn’t OK. It was as far from OK as it could possibly get. This was worse than Macca being found in the pub’s dumpster because I hadn’t had to actually look at his dead body.

Kate had been shot! I had the picture in my head now. Her eyes closed, dark blood around her head on the pillow like a halo, her face angled towards the door as if she’d woken and realised what was about to happen – too late.

I was shaking too much to stand up. I reached for my phone but it was in the car. I had no idea how I was going to get to it. So I sat on the wooden verandah in the sun, my hands gripping my knees until they ached, until I felt able to get up and walk without falling over.

In the Benz, I huddled in the driver’s seat and fumbled with my phone, hitting the dial icon for Connor. ‘Please, please answer.’ I didn’t know what I’d do if it went to his voicemail.

‘Judi, sorry, I meant to get back to you about that call.’

‘Connor… I…’

‘Judi?’ His voice went from apology to instant concern and worry. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘You have to… you have to come to Kate’s house. Now. It’s Kate. She’s dead.’ I could barely get the last word out but he heard me.

‘You’re there now?’

‘Yes.’

‘Stay right where you are. I’m about ten minutes away. Don’t move.’

‘OK.’ He’d already disconnected and I dropped the phone into my lap and sat there. No way was I going inside again. Just as well Emma was at school.

Or was she? What if she was in the other bedroom, behind the door, or in the bathroom? Why hadn’t I checked? She could just be injured and praying for help. I pounded the steering wheel. I should go and look. I should.

But if she was only injured, surely she would have heard me calling and said something, cried out? No, she could be close to death, and me sitting here wasn’t helping, it was being useless. Tears were rolling down my face and I palmed them away. Get out of the car and go and check, you i***t. You have to. Don’t look at Kate. Look for Emma.

I levered myself out of the car and walked around to the back door again. ‘Emma? Emma!’ Nothing. Not even any birds singing. Why would they? Only the sound of a distant tractor. I forced my feet up the back steps again, stopped in the kitchen and listened. Now I could smell what I hadn’t noticed before – metallic, fleshy… A large blowfly careened past, banging against my head and I swallowed hard.

I can do this, I can do this. I kept my head turned away from Kate’s room, used my elbow to push open the bathroom door and Emma’s bedroom door as fast as I could. Bang. Look. Bang. Look. Nothing. No body lying anywhere. I ran outside and doubled over, sucking in air. I’d been holding my breath since the blowfly.

The sound of a vehicle filtered through to me. Engine, brakes, engine off, door opening and closing. Connor’s voice. ‘Judi? Where are you?’

‘Round the back,’ I called. To my amazement, my voice sounded almost normal, but the sight of Connor nearly undid me. I struggled to stay upright, to breathe and pretend to be calm. ‘Thank God you’re here.’ I pointed at the back door. ‘She’s… inside. In her bedroom.’

‘You’re as white as a sheet,’ he said, and pointed at the verandah. ‘Sit there. I need to see what’s going on.’

I hadn’t said how Kate was dead. Maybe he thought it was a heart attack or stroke. I couldn’t tell him. He’d have to find out for himself.

From inside, his voice floated out to me. ‘Oh Jesus, no.’ That was all he said. He was back outside with me in a matter of seconds. ‘Did you touch her?’

I shook my head. ‘I could see… I checked a couple of the rooms. Emma isn’t here. Except… I didn’t look in the lounge room. Sorry.’

‘Hey, not your job.’ He sat next to me and put his warm, comforting arm around me. ‘I checked. Nobody else here.’

‘Emma must be at school then,’ I said.

Connor cleared his throat. ‘It looks to me like Kate has been dead for quite a few hours.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Unless Emma was staying with a friend, she was very likely here when it happened.’

I gaped at him. ‘Where is she then?’

‘Bloody good question,’ he said grimly. ‘Look, I have to call this in, get things moving. Homicide will have to attend. There’ll be detectives and police from Bendigo as well. They’ll need a statement.’

Everything else in my life flooded back in around me and I said wildly, ‘I can’t stay here. The pub. Andre. Lunch.’ Like that was even important.

‘I’m sorry, Judi, you can’t leave yet,’ Connor said. ‘Call Andre and let him know. But you can’t tell him any details. Just that Kate is deceased and you have to stay here for a while.’

I couldn’t answer. I nodded, and then listened as he called it in, using his official police voice and all the official words. Deceased. Suspicious. Daughter possibly missing. Crime scene. Cordon.

Finally his call ended and he turned to me. ‘You’ll have to move your car. Do you want me to do it?’

‘No, it’s OK.’ He followed me to the Benz, waited while I reversed it out on to the road and parked, then got a reel of blue and white tape from his 4WD and began to cordon off the house.

I couldn’t put it off any longer. I called Andre and he answered immediately.

‘What’s going on? We’ve got lunch bookings and nothing’s been done.’

‘Are you OK to keep going on your own?’ Why couldn’t I just tell him?

‘I’ll manage, but… something’s wrong, isn’t it?’

‘It’s Kate. I’m sorry. She’s…’ Don’t say deceased. ‘She’s dead. I found her.’

‘Oh, f*****g hell.’ Andre went silent but I could hear him crying, then his phone clattered as if he’d put it down and his voice was further away. ‘Yes, I’m sorry. It’ll just be a few more minutes. Drinks on the house.’ He came back to me. ‘I can’t… I have to cook. I…’

‘Can you hang in there on your own a bit longer? I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

‘OK.’ He sounded far from OK. ‘Hurry, will you?’ That plea had nothing to do with customers and lunch orders.

I tried to talk past the lump in my throat. ‘I’ll try.’ I hung up and went over to Connor. ‘Can you take a statement from me now? Andre is desperate for help.’ And I wanted to get the hell away from this house.

He thought for a moment and then nodded. ‘I’ll probably get into trouble, but yes.’ He pulled out his notebook and wrote down everything I told him, which wasn’t much really. It didn’t even fill a page. How pathetic. A woman’s death in less than a page. I blinked hard and signed and dated what he’d written.

‘Do you know if she had family?’ he asked. ‘Where they might be?’

My brain still wasn’t working well but I told him she’d never mentioned anyone. ‘Where’s Emma? Are you going to look for her?’

‘I’ve had a quick look around the property. No sign of her. The detectives from Bendigo are bringing some officers with them. We’ll start searching properly as soon as they get here.’

‘Right.’ I rubbed my stinging eyes. ‘Do you really think she was here when…’

‘It’s likely,’ he said grimly. ‘Look, I’m on to it. There’s nothing more you can do at the moment. Go and sort out the pub.’

I thanked him and got into the Benz, drove mechanically to the pub and went inside. I felt a million years old, caught between wanting to help Andre and wanting to run away and live on a desert island somewhere.

Andre had just plated up two lunches – he muttered the table number and I took them to the customers who were clearly enjoying their free wine. Luckily for them, they didn’t complain about anything or even ask for tomato sauce.

Back in the kitchen with Andre, and his drawn face was a horrible shade of grey. His mouth opened but no words came out. I couldn’t speak either. We just stared at each other for a few long seconds.

Finally he said woodenly, ‘You said you found her?’

‘Yes, she hadn’t turned up for work. I thought she’d slept in. Wasn’t answering her phone.’

‘Right.’

‘The thing is…’ It felt like the words were burrs stuck in my throat. ‘She was… it was murder.’

He closed his eyes and swayed so much I thought he was going to faint. I rushed into the bistro, grabbed a chair and took it back, making him sit while I found the brandy he used for desserts and poured him a glass. He swallowed obediently and then sagged in the chair. ‘I can’t deal with this,’ he said. ‘It’s not real.’ He took a breath and stood up, his jaw jutting, a steely look in his eyes. ‘I need to work on lunch. All right?’

‘Good idea.’ It was. Both of us could think about it later. Customers happy, that came first. That’s what I told myself anyway.

He picked up a knife and started cutting up mushrooms, muttering to himself, and I went out to clear tables and reset. Busy work. Served the two customers some coffee. Glasses polished, cutlery lined up exactly straight, salt and pepper shakers arranged either side of the little vase of flowers. No, they were going a bit brown. I threw them out and cut more from the garden around the pavers.

All the little jobs kept me moving, my hands busy, but they didn’t help my brain. Shot in her bed, shot in her bed. Where the f**k was Emma? Why? Who did it? I shuddered so violently that I dropped the ceramic vase. Thank God it bounced on the carpet, but water spilled and the grevilleas ended up under a chair.

As I scrabbled to mop the water with a serviette and pick the flowers up, all the while whispering, ‘f**k, f**k, fuckity f**k’, two pairs of expensive, high-heeled shoes stopped in the bistro doorway.

‘Hello?’ sang a plummy voice.

I pulled myself up on a chair, my hip twinging, and greeted the two women at the door. They beamed at me and one of them giggled. ‘Two for lunch? We don’t have a booking, sorry.’

I guessed straight away. Escapees from Bronwyn’s health spa. I hoped to God she wasn’t going to follow them down here. The last thing I needed right now was her coming in and creating a fuss.

‘Sure,’ I said, forcing a smile on to my face. ‘Take any table. One that’s set, I mean.’

‘You’re a darling,’ the other one said, tripping across the carpet.

It took every ounce of willpower to keep the smile on my face as I fetched menus.

Soon after, a group of four that had booked came in – they’d been to a work seminar nearby – and I took their orders as well. Thank God Charlie had the bar sorted out, as I waitressed and ferried food orders for both areas and kept the drinks flowing.

But all the while, my brain kept bouncing back to Kate and Emma. It seemed Andre was the same. The next time I was in the kitchen with a pile of dirty plates, he said, ‘Listen, I know this is going to sound…’

‘Just say it. It’s fine.’

‘Do you know what happened?’

I took a breath. ‘She was shot while she was asleep, I think. I don’t know any more than that.’

‘Shot?’ He shook his head in disbelief. ‘Who the hell would want to shoot her?’

‘I don’t know. Connor doesn’t know either.’ My bones felt like they were made of cake icing. ‘It’s all bloody horrible.’

We stood there, lost for words again, the misery on our faces like mirrors to each other.

‘Hello? Can we order dessert please?’ Giggling Gertie’s face appeared in the food hutch opening, tinged with curiosity.

‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Be with you in two ticks.’

She gave us another look and disappeared back to her table.

‘The show must go on, I suppose,’ I said.

He didn’t reply, just turned away and picked up a knife. A second later, he threw it at the back door. It clanged, bounced and landed somewhere under a cupboard.

I bit my lips together until they hurt and then went out to take the dessert order. I could tell the two health farm escapees sensed something was wrong, but like most people involved totally in their own lives and issues, they decided it wasn’t worth spoiling their lunch by asking.

When the bistro was finally empty and the tables cleared and cleaned, I sat by the French doors and stared out at the garden.

Was this pub jinxed? Once upon a time I’d have laughed that off as ridiculous. Now the very thought sent crawly things up and down my spine. Andre slumped into the chair next to me and rubbed his face.

‘Are we ever going to catch a break?’ He sucked in a sharp breath. ‘God, I didn’t mean it like that.’

I grimaced. ‘I know. It’s other people who are dying, or having their lives f****d up, not us. But.’

‘I just…’ He scrunched up his face and I realised he was trying really hard not to cry.

‘She was a great person, and so good to have around,’ I said. I pictured her face. ‘She was tough, but she loved Emma so much. I dunno, I just felt like she was a fighter. Trying to make a good life for them both, work hard, you know…’

Andre let out a strangled sound and I turned to find tears running down his face. He waved his hands but he couldn’t speak. I pushed my chair next to his and hugged him as close as I could. Tears filled my own eyes and spilled out. Kate… it just didn’t make sense.

Andre was saying something against my soaked shirt. ‘What was that?’

‘We need to bring Emma here, look after her. Kate would want that.’

I swallowed hard. ‘Andre… nobody knows where Emma is. She’s disappeared. Connor and the team from Bendigo are out looking for her now.’

His face was grey with shock again, and it suddenly struck me that this was a hell of lot more than a normal reaction to a workmate’s awful death. ‘Listen, mate,’ I said, grabbing his arm. ‘Did you and Kate… were you in a relationship?’

He nodded, his lips pressed together hard. Then, ‘Sort of. Well, maybe I was being hopeful…’

‘God, I’m so sorry.’

‘She… you’re right. She was trying to create a new life here for both of them. There were lots of things she wouldn’t talk about though.’

‘The last few days I thought she seemed…’ I struggled to describe it. ‘Not scared. But worried. Like she was looking over her shoulder.’ I tested the words in my head before I spoke. ‘Have you got any idea who would kill her?’

He started shaking his head and then it was like he couldn’t stop. ‘No, no, nothing. She never said anything like that. And yet… I was sure she was hiding stuff. Why wouldn’t she tell me? Or you? Maybe we could’ve helped.’

Too late now.

I gave him another hug and let him go. ‘Look, if you want to talk, just let me know.’

‘Yeah, OK. But…’ He looked at me bleakly and his mouth twisted. ‘Where the hell is Emma?’

Another huge question I couldn’t answer. I was still trying to deal with the picture in my head of Kate shot in her bed, lying there in a pool of blood. I knew it would keep me awake for quite a few nights.