Feigning Affection

Chapter Four

The next day, I was out job hunting again. I wore a baby pink suit and white heels, and hailed a taxi again. I lazily sit inside the taxi, looking at the streets. After finishing school, I never woke up this early. If I didn't need a job, I would probably just get home from clubbing to start sleeping.

When I reach my target company, I quickly pay the fee and go out.

I confidently walk into my next target and sit down where I assume other applicants are. They are all trying to fix themselves as the hiring staff are getting their CV's. I handed her mine and sat quietly. I promise not to make any more scenes and will behave. No trouble at all. The applicants are being called one by one for the interviews. Since I am the last one to arrive, I am at the end of the lane.

Dang, this is boring. I hate waiting. I lazily get my phone to do anything that can kill time. Two hours have passed and I'm still here.

What's taking them so long?

I am getting impatient.

Then my blood boils when the interview is cut short because of a lunch break.

What the f*ck?

Applying is not a good idea. It is time-consuming and irritating. I go out to eat at the nearest fine dining restaurant. I ordered myself a steak. Hmmm. It is so delicious. I enjoyed everything about my lunch. It makes me feel good and makes me forget about the interview. I stayed very long inside the restaurant. Damn, the allotted time for lunch is just one hour. I spent almost two hours here. I have to leave.

Leaving the money on the table, I ran back to the building. I'm silently praying that maybe my name wasn't called yet. Gosh...

Since the restaurant is a walking distance away from the company building, I made it in just 5 minutes of running. I was having a hard time breathing when I finally entered the building. I am sweating and I'm sure I look like a mess. I hurriedly walked to where I stayed this morning.

I was expecting to see my fellow applicants, but I saw no one.

Am I too early?

I looked at my wristwatch. It's almost two. The applicants should be here right now. I look around and I see regular employees wearing the corporate uniform. I sit for a while and get a tissue from my bag to wipe my sweat. I didn't know that I could run that fast. I retouched my make-up and tied my hair in a high ponytail. I am feeling really hot. When I am sure that I am looking presentable, I look for someone to ask about the interview. I was looking around when I saw the hiring staff who assisted us a while ago. I immediately ran to him.

"Excuse me." I called his attention. He weirdly looks at me and tries to recognize me.

"Uhmm, I am an applicant. I just ate lunch and went back to seeing no one." I explained, trying to sound nice, and I even gave him a smile. A fake one, though.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, the position is already taken. The human resources department sent every applicant a message letting them know that the interview had already been canceled. I think you should check your phone. "I just looked at him blankly.

Fuck life. I don't know how to feel.

How about my time?

How about my efforts?

How about the money I spent on getting here?

Crap.

The man walks away, leaving me hopeless and feeling tired. I should not have run. Bullshit. I leave the company feeling so irritated again.

I walk with no particular direction to go in. I just want to unwind.

This is tiring. I thought finding a job was easy. I never imagined it to be this tiring, heart-wrenching, and capable of crushing someone's hopes and dreams. I walked through a children's park. I decided to go and sit on the swing. While watching the little kids running, playing and just enjoying themselves, realizations hit me.

I wish I could have stayed a child. My dad and brother's little princess and my mom's mini-me. Back then, I had all their attention and I was the happiest. We ate dinner together, watched movies at night tucked in one blanket, and usually ended up sleeping on the mattress my dad put on the floor for us to lay down. We played video games with my brothers and my parents were still focused on us.

When I entered high school, everything changed. We barely even meet each other at home. We barely talk about our days.

My brothers and I are at the same school, but I don't even have any idea what they are up to. My dad is becoming busy at work and my mom is also busy with her school. Before we even realize it, there's already a gap between us. Until now, I guess they didn't even give a f**k about that gap.

Yikes, adulthood really sucks.

I saw an ice cream truck, and I excitedly walked to it. I still have the heart of a kid. I bought a chocolate-flavored one and sat on the swing again. Maybe God knows I am devastated, so He sent me comfort food. He's amazing as always. At the end of the day, I am still full of positivity that tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will get a job. Tomorrow, my efforts will be worth it.

But those hopes for tomorrow disappoint me again and again and again. It's been a week since I started job hunting, but I'm still jobless. I am so disappointed in myself as well.