Feigning Affection

Chapter Eight

Namika Acyrille's Point of View

The next few days became so frustrating and depressing as I continued to fail a lot more interviews. I started questioning my potential and capability. My confidence has never been shaken before, but with all the rejections I get, I started belittling myself.

What if I am really weak?

What if I am really worthless and useless?

What if what other people think of me is true?

No way, Nami. You need to think of other ways.

I changed my plan. I will not look for work at the big companies. I will try to look at the small establishment instead. I remember as a kid I wanted to be a waitress, so I must have tried to do that.

I wore a white shirt tucked into fitted black jeans with white Converse, went to the city and handed my CV to all the hiring establishments: saleslady, dishwasher, waitress, barista, and for anything that was needed.

I don't care about positions anymore. People will surely make a fuss about it, but who cares about their opinions? It's not going to help me, so screw them. My legs feel like giving up after going to every single establishment. I am hungry and so thirsty. I ended up eating in a fast-food restaurant. I don't know when I will be jobless, so I had better save money. Saving is not my thing, but since I've been trying so many unusual things, why not try it too?

I went home feeling so hopeful that I was finally getting a job, and before the day's end, a restaurant called me, saying I needed to report tomorrow for an interview. I felt so excited and proud of myself. I need to make this work.

I searched for some tips for job interviews on Google. The first thing that I read was, "Practice good manners and body language." Oh my gosh, maybe that's the reason why I've declined all the interviews I've been to before.

I am so cocky. I poked my own forehead because of that. Maybe I need to be nice to people too.

Adapt or die.

This is a different world, and I need to fit in, or else I'll die. I read all the tips from different sites and I think my behavior is the only thing that I need to work on. I somehow felt bad about my attitude.

What happened to you, Nami?

I wanted to ask because I personally don't know myself anymore.

I heaved a sigh. The tips pointed out that I must not be late, so I decided to prepare my outfit for tomorrow. I decided not to go out tonight and instead went to bed early so that I wouldn't be late for work tomorrow. According to Google, being late is a big no-no when you are applying for a job. I am thankful Google is there to help me out.

I woke up at six and started preparing myself. The sun is shining so brightly that it appears to be cheering me up for my interview. Since I can't cook, I make myself a cup of coffee and a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. I am looking at my window while eating.

The sight breaks my heart. I can't believe life will make me experience living in a slum. From where I am sitting, I can see how unfortunate the lives of the people here are. They lack the crucial conditions they need to live decently and thrive as human beings.

Substandard housing, squalor, lack of sanitation, water and security. This looks disgusting to me and maybe to other people who are on top of the social pyramid, but for the people here, it is a home. And now it is my home too.

After eating, I take a bath and wear my simple blouse and skirt. Not too elegant, but still formal and classy. Because Louis Vuitton is not necessary, I decided to use a simple tote bag.

I leave the house, and as usual, the kids are running around. There is a lot of noise as I walk past a narrow pathway surrounded by houses. This place is so crowded. People here love staring at me whenever I walk out of my small apartment. It seems like they can't believe that I am living here because I always wear fancy clothes and signature bags and shoes. They are just eyeing me with envy but not trying to touch me or talk to me, so I assume they are harmless like what Primo told me.

I always ignored them, but I wanted to make today different from the other days, so I smiled at them and greeted everyone good morning. They looked shocked but smiled back at me. Those genuine smiles make my day happier because genuine smiles are very difficult to see, especially when you are surrounded by fake business people.

This day is pretty special because, for some reason, I have been smiling all day.

The interview went well, and I got the job. I was accepted as a waitress at a fine-dining restaurant. It's not what I want to be, but it is still a noble job. This is still something to be proud of. I started right away, and to be honest, it is hard. I never expected this to be this difficult, especially without any experience.

I suddenly regret shouting at waiters multiple times and looking at them like someone to give orders to. Their work is not a joke.

I am wearing a white lay-down collar tuxedo shirt with a small logo of the restaurant on the left side and a black restaurant firenza vest with a bow tie. For the bottom, I am wearing a black skirt just two inches above my knees and a black two-inch stiletto. I still look cute in this outfit.

I am just an usher for today since it's my first day. I am standing near the door, welcoming the customers, asking for any reservations and assisting them to their tables. I am so damn tired, but I need to smile all day.

My feet are feeling so weak, like they're going to collapse anytime soon. I am taking short breaks, but the time is just enough to wipe my sweat and replenish the water in my body. My day went well, and I was tired when I got home. I can't even walk properly. My hair is still in a ponytail but is now in a messy state. I don't have the energy to fix it. I just want to go to bed. I sleep without eating, because I am too exhausted to prepare anything. I lock all my doors and windows and throw myself onto my bed.

"Good job, Nami. Good job. I'm so proud of you, "I complimented myself. I pat my own head as I bury it in my pillow.

I can't feel my feet anymore, but I feel like I've unlocked a new stage in my life. I love how exhausted I am today.

It brings a different kind of fulfillment. I feel independent. It feel worthwhile and useful.