I Don’t Want To Be A Wife!

Have you ever been in love?

A few minutes later, of pure silence, Lucas tried to test his luck and see if he had any possible chance with Kin because this conversation wasn't going to end without Kin acknowledging his feelings or at least accepting that they exist. After all, right now, it seemed like he still thought he was just joking or simply lost his mind. 

  Lucas approached Kin and sat a bit farther away from him, to not overwhelm him and asked: “Did you ever think of me as more than just a little brother?”

“No, I never did and will never do, because I can't see as something else, you are my younger brother and my younger brother only.” Kin couldn't wrap his head around the idea that Lucas liked him, or the original Kin, how can he do that when they grew up together and were raised to be brothers?

And Kin was even adopted and raised to be Lucas's older brother, if their parents knew they would freak out and break them away, which will mean that he would no longer be around Lucas and Layla, which would cause a problem because he only existed in this world to be around them and take care of them if he can't do that, what's the point of him being here? 

“Adopted brother.” Lucas corrected him but that didn't make much difference to Kin, because they were still related and you can't fall in love with someone you are related to, no matter how much you try to justify it to yourself or others.

“But we are still family.” Kin said and sighed loudly. Since he read the book, he knew how close Lucas and Layla were to Kin because he raised them; their parents were always busy and never had time for them, so Kin made it his life duty to take care of Layla and Lucas with his blood, sweat, and tears, and he delivered on that but how did that turn to i****t? How did Kin being a parent to Lucas made him fall in love? He was so confused about what led to that, he couldn't comprehend it.

“I can change that, I will tell my parents to disown me, will you acknowledge my feelings then?” Lucas was desperate at this point, he was making promises he was sure he won't be able to deliver on, he knew his parents won't ever give up on their only biological son because he had feelings for a man, they would just dismiss it and tell him to grow up, but he just wanted Kin to understand him and the feelings he held for him, he didn't need to accept his feelings, he just wanted him to accept that he had them, as he did, he wanted to be acknowledged. 

“No! Don’t do that, if you do it, you will only make guilty and leave.” Kin was starting to panic, if that happened, the original Kin would be disappointed and sad, and what about Layla? This was breaking their family apart and he needed to stop in any way possible.

“Then what do I have to do to make you accept that I have feelings for you?" Lucas straight up asked him because he was tired of running around in circles and wanted this conversation to come to a good end, where they both agree that he does indeed like Kin.

“I don’t know, I don’t see you in that way and I am not even gay so I wouldn't know.” Kin pulled the 'I am not gay' card, in hopes that Lucas would give up if he heard that but he didn't, that only made him more motivated to prove that he indeed liked him more than just a brother.

“Have you ever been in love with a girl?” Lucas suddenly asked, because when Kin claimed not to be gay, that made him think that there might be a slim chance that he might have a chance to date Kin; who embarrassedly answered with no, neither he nor the original Kin had feelings for anyone, ever.

“Then how can you say you are not gay, you can be gay for all we know, you just don’t realize it, like I didn't." Lucas tried to reason and because Kin had no argument to disagree on that, he just went to defense mode.

“Lucas, this is wrong, I can’t do this, you are….you are just misunderstanding your feelings of brotherly love with romantic love, it’s not true.” Kin got up and tried to go up to his room, to stay alone but Lucas followed him with frustration, he was getting sick of not trying to understand him or the feelings he held for him.

“I am the one who should decide if my feelings are true or not and I know they are,” Lucas screamed as he followed Kin to his room and opened his door when he tried to slam on it. "You can't just run away and expect this to be over! Why can't you accept that I like you?!"

  "Because you don't! I won't believe you do." Kin was starting to pack some of his clothes so he could leave, he couldn't stay with Lucas anymore.

  "WHY?! Just why?" Lucas asked in despair and punched the wall behind him, because of the helplessness and hopelessness he was feeling about the whole situation.

“Stop this madness, I can’t be with you!” Kin said and closed his backpack and started walking downstairs, while Lucas was still in the room, processing what was going on. A few seconds after Kin left, he looked up and found the room empty and ran out to look for Kin.

“Wait! Kin, don’t leave!” Lucas was on the stairs in the door but before he could reach him, Kin said: “Cool your head off and talk to me when you are back to your senses, goodbye Lucas.” And slammed the front door shut and as soon as Lucas got to the door, Kin drove off in Layla's car and disappeared in a few minutes.

  Lucas collapsed on the floor in anguish and cried, he destroyed everything, he ruined everything they had because of those stupid thoughts and the jealousy he felt when he saw Kin and Leonard, why couldn't he just wait until he had things figured out properly, but no, he had to rush things and mess up; he was gone now and he couldn't do anything about it.

Was leaving the right option? Of course not. But was it the easiest? Yes, definitely but the longer Kin drove, the more he regretted and wanted to turn back, to try and talk to Lucas. Unfortunately, he was in a state that didn’t allow him to do that because if he went, he would either just be angry or refuse to listen to Lucas.

Childish, yes, but how Kin’s brain worked after an argument or a fight with someone and he knew he had to be away to be able to solve the issue, without causing any others.

So he kept speeding up and didn’t stop, he didn’t look behind him or think of Lucas, who was broken at the moment, because of Kin’s words. H

Lucas tried to get inside the house but failed after the two tries and decided to just cry at the door until he felt okay; which took a longer time than he expected but he was able to get his emotions out with his tears and get back inside to cry come more.