I Don’t Want To Be A Wife!

Is The Pain Worth The Struggle?

After Kin dried Leonard’s hair, they stayed up for a couple of hours, watching Kin’s second favorite romance drama; then when Leonard got a bit sleepy and started yawning, Kin noticed and told him, that they should go to bed.

When they got upstairs, Leonard asked if he could take off his shirt because that was the only way he would be able to sleep comfortably; Kin agreed and went to brush his teeth, while Leonard took off his shirt and got to bed, and by the time, Kin walked out, Leonard was fast asleep, or so he thought.

As soon as he pulled the covers, Leonard opened his eyes and said that he couldn’t sleep, which got Kin to start a conversation with him and a bit of a weird one at that.

“How is exploring your sexuality going?” Kin asked, putting his head on the pillow and staring at Leonard’s face, patiently waiting for an answer.

It took a while for Leonard to answer, he wondered if he should answer honestly, which would mean that he would have to admit that he was starting to look at Kin weirdly, and because he wouldn’t be able to handle the embarrassment, he lied. “Horrible, I am with Lucas, remember?”

“Yeah, about that, I want to say sorry for forcing you to date Lucas and making you do this, if I didn’t force you to do this then none of this would have happened.” Kin's guilt was up the roof, and it went up the sky when he saw how depressed Leonard was.

“I accepted so part of it falls off me and you would have never known that Natasha would go rogue after our break-up I am glad we broke up, better now than later.” Leonard never thought that Natasha would be the kind of person to break into someone’s house and attempt to attack their cousin; he had always seen her as…not an innocent person per se, but an intelligent person who thought about things before doing them, that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.

“Was she always like this?” Kin wondered why Leonard would date someone like that, someone who was too obsessed with him; but then he remembered the other harem ladies, that Leonard would eventually meet later in life were all obsessed with him at one point in life, and later possessive of him when they were dating.

And how it was explained in the books was weird, how Leonard accepted their jealousy and unhealthy attachment was justified by one sentence; he liked the attention. When Kin read that, he was like ‘I am sorry what now?’

He was shocked because as he was reading the book and the actions the harem ladies took, he was waiting for an appropriate response for Leonard, like talking with the girls, explaining to them how wrong it was, but nope, supposedly he liked it.

Who would like someone restricting their access time to anything, going out, talking to people, spending time with others, and their life? That’s horrible, everybody had a life that they wanted to live and Leonard shouldn’t live in a cave built for him by his girlfriends that was the only thing that made him continue the book, he wanted Leonard to have a happy ending when he would be free or at least in a healthy relationship, but that never happened, instead, he ended with a killer.

And for some explanation, no, Leonard did not want to be with a killer, he was forced to continue the relationship, because of how scared he was of what his girlfriend might do, but Kim didn’t know that because he threw his phone before he read the last paragraph, which was a page away from the rest, as like a cliffhanger for another book, from the author, but let’s not tell Kin that.

Instead, let’s hear what Leonard had to say about Natasha’s earlier behavior. “No, she was rather a nice and sweet person at first, or at least that’s what I thought.”

Since we are discussing Natasha as a person, let’s talk about her for a little. Natasha grew up spoiled by her whole family, she was the princess and the queen, she got everything she ever wanted, which made her selfish, materialistic and needy; which was never a problem until she met Leonard.

She met him at a party and she immediately fell in love with him, they hooked up that night and she started chasing him after that, and a couple of days later, they were dating.

At first, she just liked his face and body, but then as their relationship lasted longer, she loved being with him, he was caring, gentle, nice, and everything a girl wanted in a man, except that he had other girlfriends, which he told her in the first day. She didn’t mind that much, if she didn’t see then she would turn a blind eye on it; what was important to her was Leonard and showing off her relationship with him.

Her jealousy and possessiveness were never an issue for Leonard, which she loved about him; which made her behavior continue and her love turn into an obsession, a very unhealthy one, until the breakup, where she snapped.

And that’s a short rundown about Natasha, our main villain for this part of the story, who will either die or live (probably live, I already have a plot in mind) for love.

“Do you ever regret dating her?” Kin curiously asked, when he noticed Leonard quieted down a bit.

“I don’t know yet, maybe I will in the future.”Leonard enjoyed his time with Natasha, for the most part, and remembering his memories with her, made her smile a bit, but just right after he recalled those memories, he was also reminded of the bad ones, which made him ask himself: ‘Was it all worth it? Is the pain worth the struggle? What did I gain for this other than scars and new insecurities?’

Leonard started thinking deeply about and when Kin noticed that he looked like he was about to break down in tears, he said: “Okay, let’s stop talking about her now, let’s go to sleep.”

Kin turned off the lamp’s light and told Leonard to try and sleep; and when he couldn’t, Kin started telling him a story, to help him fall asleep because he didn’t know what to do other than that.

And because he lacked creativity, he told him a story about his (Kin’s) childhood, while changing a few details here and there.

“A long time ago, a boy lived in an orphanage, he was alone and nobody took care of him properly, he was treated poorly and bullied by most of the kids, except one kid who later became his only friend. One day, a man and a woman came to adopt someone and since that boy was the only one of the age they wanted, they adopted him. The couple already had two kids, a boy, and a girl, and the couple told him to take care of them and be a good older brother to me. So when the boy saw them, he promised himself to take care of them until death, no matter what it took. He held their hands and continued to live as their guardian angel, and he lived happily ever after the end.”

“That’s sad.” Leonard said in a sleepy tone, almost drifting away because of the tiresome getting to him.

“Why?” Kin curiously asked, he thought that was a bit of a happy ending, considering Kin’s emotions and feelings regarding that day and the years following it, he sacrificed himself to his siblings and loved it.

“Because he was never able to find out who he was or how to live life, from a***e to getting used, where is the happy…” Before Leonard could finish the sentence, he fell asleep and when Kin noticed, he fixed his blanket and told him goodnight, before laying down and trying to sleep himself, while thinking about what Leonard said.

When Kin read the story, he liked (I am going to change the other Kin’s name to Nik, creative I know, otherwise I will be confused for the rest of the story) Nik’s character, his sacrifices, his devotion and love for Lucas and Layla, he found his morals and point of views inspiring, but not inspiring enough to make him want to be like him; he was a selfish person , who valued himself more than others.

And if it was him in that night (where Nik died), he would have ran with them and tried to survive. And even though, Kin wasn’t the same as Nik, didn’t have the same thoughts and feelings, he did think he lived a happy life, based on two sentences that were written in the book, where the author stated that Nik died the way he wanted, with the sentence written in the book being: ‘As Kin slipped away from life and his breath got lower and lower, he smiled while thinking of his time with Lucas and Layla; and with a warm smile, he passed away, his soul left his body feelings contained with the way he lived.’

And another sentence that drove the point home, that Nik didn’t regret anything was: ‘Kin died the way he dreamt of, protecting his little brother and sister, dedicating his whole life for his siblings was, for him, the purpose of his life and he achieved that.’

Thinking deeply about it, that was really creepy from the author’s perspective and how they described it, and for Nik’s perspective, it was extremely sad, Nik lived his entire life for others rather than himself, he died with a happiness that wasn’t completely true, at least for him; for Nik, his life was perfect, he liked the way he lived, no matter how sad it seemed to him personally, when he imagined himself as Nik, he wasn’t him, neither was the author who wrote the story, their perspective of how they saw Nik was different from reality, because Nik was no longer just a character, he was a human being who he talked and interacted with.

And because of that, he couldn’t know what Kin truly thought of his life, was it worth it? Did he regret something? Hopefully, those questions would be answered the next time he met Nik.

After all of that thinking, Kin got a slight headache and decided that it was time to stop his thoughts from overflowing, out of his brain and into the real world, instead he would just think of….:.:what can he think of?

While thinking about what to think about, he fell asleep, he was more tired than he thought, so tired that in fact, when he got cold in bed, instead of getting to get another blanket, he got closer to Leonard and hugged him, to get warmer.

The sleepy him didn’t think much of it, the sleepy Leonard didn’t either, but let’s wait till morning to see what they would think, when seeing each other in the other person’s arms, cuddling and seeming like a lovey doves couple.