The Devil in Beautiful People

9). The Ending

Our mothers birthday was coming up, a few weeks from them and no one would have guessed it would have been the last to be celebrated with the entire Family. Our father, our mother, my older sister as well as my younger sister and I. As days later, Death Came, Four days later to be exact, one life would be taken.

A sister I called a best friend, A daughter who was cherished, a friend who lit up an entire room with a simple smile, and yet I was the last to know! The last to find out what Had happened. Alone I felt, scared I was, but somehow I knew, I felt my heart break into a shatter, the worry inside my mind, the panic of unknowing, without answers,

I was being admitted to an inpatient psychiatric facility. At that time I was lost, lost inside my head. Lost As to what had happened. I had to wait, it's what i could only do wait. Wait! Wait! Wait, until Later that night i had called home, or tried to, But there was no answer. i tried once more but this time i tried her cellphone, and still i had gotten the voicemail, to only be instructed to leave a message after the tone.. Beep!

The next day I felt a tight grip upon my feet, and felt my mom shake me to wake up. "wake up i have to tell you something" she said in a broken voice holding back tears as i slightly opened my eyes and i mumbled

"what did pushkin die?"

Pushkin was our dog Who was adopted when I was four. She had replied

"no but we had to put him down" and then, that's when i heard it, heard it loud and clear. my father burst out with tears as he cried heavily he said

"my baby, my baby died!" and at that moment, In that very moment i knew. She was died, that she had committed suicide not only did I lose my best friend I felt guilty like it was my fault because I wasn't there this time. I couldn't save her or the thought of her doing it because she felt remorseful for the charge I had gotten because of her ex boyfriend, I blamed myself.

"I was born broken and for years i spent making broken into my own beauty, but now im shattered, and i didn't know it unfortunately, scattered like ashes Watching myself turn into dust, i didn't know anymore, i couldn't fit in with the rest , even at my best, I couldn't pretend anymore, i use to have purpose And now im not sure! I am stuck in this depth of hell, burning on Earth for eternity. I have seen it, trust me running from the darkness as I see my light dim, not once or twice and now I am surrounded by them, the demons I mean.

There is no way I can leave now, I'm stuck. Stuck here , Zombified! Horrified!. Finally seeing what I was meant to see, i was backed into a corner i felt it , i even said once or twice they were coming for me. i just wasn't meant to be. I felt defeated & i got tired of pleading i knew i wasn't going to give up, but who to say i wouldn't have gave in, I mean I did try and try especially when i thought it was me against them.

I knew I wouldn't win this time. I did, I knew, I surrendered. I was on my knees. I begged them to just take me. I begged them to do it, I told them to hurry please , I knew they wouldn't or As they usually would just laugh and mock me. Playing with me as if I was a doll or toy for the hounds. I wasn't going to fight them but I did stand my ground. You would have been proud, i did it quietly this time, without making a sound Shhhh! Hush.

A glimpse of me passed by but as a memory I know it instead of an image. Remembering the life I used to live and love slightly, I was a delicate being, A joyful person, I could light up a room when I smiled, but I could also dim It to if I was saddened. I felt that smile. I used to smile. but not definitely, as it has been a while since i had smiled or remembered what one felt like. A little piece of myself flew by her today I know it because the scent i used to wear, she said she could smell.

Dancing right passed her, with her my best friend, to the music she now listens to , and i like it, A light still shines upon her day, She knows i'm here, its funny although I'm not really there, only a glimpse Of myself still passes by. I know I left you behind please know I didn't Run away, I know I hurt you when I died. I just felt so alone sis, if you only knew I had to go, I didn't want to, I just couldn't hide anymore.

I shattered inside, Love, has life, in the middle of each being, A person's soul, is the aspect of believing. Coming together as one.. Overcoming obstacles, is the strength of falling down, Remember you taught me that, so don't grieve for me for now I'm free, oh and hey sis thank you for believing in me. Never lose your voice although I am not there.