Diary of a Sweet Girl

Boy Drama1

Dear Diary

If it's okay, I'd like to say that I'm okay. Like, I'm so okay right now I could run a mile; which is very unusual. I'm never this okay.

I have two lectures today, one of which I have already attended. The other is by 4pm. The timing is so convenient that I could work two full shifts today and still have time to rest. Just you see, I'm writing and it's not even evening. Ha! Weird.

Now, let's talk about my heart. I still visit the therapist every now and then and she says that until I am able to talk about my past, I might never heal. And that's fine by me because I will never talk about my past; I've let it go. It can't hurt me anymore at least not the way it used to.

But my heart, it's going through something I can't understand. It feels worse than that time in University training that I had a crush on Sir James. Yeah, I still call him sir James.

What actually crowns the horridness of the his feeling is that it only comes when I think, see or smell Ben.

Ben, the boy from the party. Yes, the boy that Steph has a history with and still likes. She might never admit it but I know she still feels something for him.

I think it's safe to say, "OH s**t!" I think my chest is going to explode.

He... He makes me feel things.

His smile that somehow seems unique to me sends this burning sensation throughout my body, like someone gently opened chemicals that feel like incense in my veins.

His voice, in the cool of day or in a crowd is the same to me; a perfect blend of tender, commanding and authoritative.

Steph hasn't said anything about it after that night but I'm sure that she was hurt. Ben noticed our little circle disbanding and reforming after dancing and playing games. I had been sipping on the same drink since after my first shot. I was already tipsy so I was trying to say grounded; that also means that I rejected almost every advance towards me except those that just wanted to have conversations.

Now that part I could do. In matter of time I was surrounded by a bunch of guys (real cute ones) and we were talking about very random stuff: anime, marvel, series and music. They even got me to finish my drink and try smoking. I mean, I've done the smoking but before so I could handle but I know that I was getting really high and drunk. Sooner than later, our circle grew larger and then smaller and larger again with me either being the only girl or me laughing longer than I prolly should.

In the midst of all that fun; and yeah I was having one of the best times ever that I even considered dancing. Anyways, in the midst of all that fun, I kept stealing glances at the far corner of the room where we first saw the guy that made the most beautiful girl in the room pause, Steph.

He wasn't really standing there all through the party but that's where I first saw him so subconsciously I kept turning towards that place. Plus, from time to time, I would see him look at me from wherever he was in the room.

Why he kept looking? I had no clue but, in my drunken state, I liked it. Still I'd always look away because I kept remembering Steph and the fact that she obviously had feelings for this guy.

When it was just me and some guy trying to get me to dance, this hot as f**k figure walked to me and smiled. s**t! I must be very too loose when I'm drunk because how the hell did he look so good even in the fog!!?? I had these thoughts but of course I kept my calm.

"Hey!" he yelled above the music

"I'm Ben, wanna dance?"

Looking at the glimmer in his eyes, I could tell that he was high but he knew what he was doing.

Did I say yes? ... yes, yes I did. Sadly, I'm stupid enough. (skip the sarcasm, I'm not being sarcastic at all) the f**k was I thinking?

I took his hand and completely ignored the protest from the guy that was sitting next to me. My eyes and that tingling sensation flowing in my body were all on Ben.

Ben, he pulled me in close enough for there to be a decent space for communication. I was swaying to the beat and so was he. We were dancing but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be; it turns out that I'm not that bad a dancer.

Ben said, "I didn't know'd you dance this well."

that made me giggle out a response,

"Yeah, because you don't know me."

For some reason, there was amusement in both our eyes.

Then the song changed and my body responded real quick. I think I was flirting.

REMEMBER, ALCOHOL IS BAD! s**t!

I shimmied in and turned, showing off my body. And I just kept dancing, swaying my hips to make it more attractive and in response, he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me really close. For me, I was having fun and it seemed like he was having fun too. For a second, while we got into the movement of our bodies against the beat of the music, it got really sensual and nice so I turned around to face him.

The lust in his eyes was kinda amusing, so I giggled and he smiled back. Another split second I felt a thug on my shirt, which I ignored. But while Ben and I were smiling into each other's eyes I heard the word

"b***h"

And the next thing was the feeling of someone pulling me by my hair and out of the party indoors to the one out door.