Diary of a Sweet Girl

Psychiatric Love

Another day&$#@

Dear Diary,

I've not come to you for a while and I've honestly been very lonely. I'm usually very lonely but this time, I feel more alone than I usually do.

Mom is away on some work trip(she's always away) but for some reason I feel like I need her here. I still have no idea on how to make a friend; talk more of a boy friend and I'll be leaving for a road trip to a psychiatric hospital in about five minutes. Like my life isn't already crazy enough.

Not too long after that, I'll be moving into the school dorm. A place where I get to be with only girls (those menacing creatures).Isn't life just great? (don't skip the sarcasm).

I'm going to get ready for the road trip now. I wonder what it's going to be like. Are there going to be mad people roaming around? or is it going to be something like a white space with electrocution devices for runners. Or maybe blinding photography lights too. I have no idea but I really want this one to take my mind away from my lonely and miserable life.

Maybe I won't come back and I'll just pretend to be a patient, I'm sure the mad people are way more tolerable and interesting than... whatever, URGH!

EVENING,

IT'S evening and I'm back. YEEEP! BEST TRIP EVER! like I said, the mad people are more interesting than these morons.

Although I was zoned out most of the trip there, when we got there, it was a whole knew level of excitement. I mean the talks about depression and it's types kept me awake but when we actually got to start talking to the patients ...OMU!

There was this one kid, with the shaggy hair and his pants hanging loosely from his waist pacing back and forth and checking his non-existent watch as though he was impatiently waiting for someone. Then he made a motion and held his hand to his lips making it look like he was taking a drag from a cigarette. He drew in one puff, blew it out, and then another; I instantly thought,

"OMU, he must be very dramatic"

That sight and thought lightened my spirit a bit. It made me smile.

Before I could get used to my already lightened heart, he spotted me and waved at me like I was someone he had known for a while. His deep sigh of relief also made it seem like I was the one he'd been waiting for. Out of confusion, I looked back just for him to yell out,

"Don't look back Anna, it's been a long while." as he strode towards me.

Okay? I was freaking out for a second but sorta really excited at the thought of the turns this could take. A mentally ill person I walking tentatively towards me, what could go wrong?

Naturally, I played along and said, "yeahhh, it's been a while."

He held my hands and looked my in the eyes with worry all over his face.

"if I don't say this now, I doubt there would ever be another opportunity for us."

He said to me in the softest and most caring tone.

"So Anna, there is something I've been wanting to tell you." he continued relaxing his back and trying to look more confident. All this while, I had been trying to hide my amusement and excitement.

He drew in another puff of his invincible cigar and said,

"You, Anna, was born a man."

Then he let go of my hands and turned away in bitterness.

What? Wae? We? Huh?

WTH! I could not help but drop my mouth in shock.

He shock his head like he himself couldn't believe his words. Upon looking up from his moment of bitterness, he turned left to see some other kid about the age seventeen, dressed in khaki pants and a white tee; and called out his name

"Jerome!"

which, of course, caught the boys attention

"come see, it's Anna"

as though we three had been really good friends for a long while.

"I just told her the truth," he said to Jerome

Jerome hesitated but eventually walked towards us. Once he got closer, he looked closely at my face and winced. It got me thinking that there was something wrong with my face or maybe I was just too ugly for him to look at so closely. But Omu! Jerome looked again and this time he said,

"Anna, what beautiful smile you have"

Okay! hell yeah a seventeen year old kid made me blush and his friend nodded in response, as if to say "Anna has become beautiful."

Jerome used his thumb to search my face slowly and then rub my cheeks with so much warmth in his eyes.

His next words were, "You need to surrender to your senses a bit more."

it was then I realized that I had closed my eyes and was enjoying the circular motion he was making with his thumb.

He told me,

"I understand you are hurting Anna"

Leaning in closer to look me in the eyes,

"But I'll be with you very soon," he said,

"wait for me"

what happened there? The hell should I know??

I know he is delusional but this mentally disturbed kid had done drugs to the extent he ended up in a hospital yet he could make me believe that I was Anna, the one who is to wait for him.

GOOSEBUMPS EVERYWHERE!

I must be crazy but I think I'd like to visit this insanity clinic again. If only for Jerome.

The remaining hours spent there, I was listening to tales by Jerome and his friend on how they ended up in the psychiatric hospital. I know most or all of what they said were lies but it was fun to see the light in their eyes as they went on about their days with 2pac and Biggie and how 50cent used to boss them around. Ridiculous things yet they believed their every word, it was almost convincing.

After learning of how some of these people had fallen into depression and were constantly trying to work their way out of it, or some of them-- like Jerome-- who had ended up there due to substance abuse, the trip back to the main town wasn't so bad.

No matter how much they tried to treat me like s**t saying that I related with them so well because I'm one of them, Jerome and his friends were the best company and patients I had ever attended to.

I will wash up and go to bed now, the excitement was fun while it lasted. I guess I'll just have to remember Jerome whenever life beats me down.

That's all for tonight, it's just Tuesday. I promise to bring you better news from now on