Vows of Silence

4

*Contains scene that may be triggering for those with suicidal tendencies. Proceed at your own risk*

"Hurry up and peel and cut the potatoes. I want small cubes not those giant chunks you made last time.'' Rebecca started commanding orders the second I walked in.

''Yes ma'm'' I dropped the potatoes into the sink and rinsed each of them before I started.

"You're late again." With that tone, Rebecca might make me skip dinner too.

''I'm sorry, Alpha Damian had a shirt that required special cleaning. He walked in as I was walking out.''

''Don't you dare use the Alpha as an excuse!" She stabbed the knife down into the cutting block. She marched over to me. Her hands were firmly placed onto her hips. She reached out and before I realized it, her hand had found it's way to my hair. She pulled my head back. The stinging pain made me close my eyes.

"Why are you late? And don't you dare lie to me!'' She screamed into my face. I felt a drop of her saliva touch my cheek.

''The shirt is hanging in the laundry room. You can see it!'' Her nails were digging into my scalp. The pain was sharp. I could feel her fingers scratch against my skin. I'd probably bleed when she was finished. She pushed my head and let go. My bun had fallen out of my head. I couldn't wash my hands in the same sink as the potatoes. Rebecca marched off while muttering something under her breath. I hurried with the potaoes and peeled the first bag before she came back. I wrapped my hand around the handle of the knife and picked it up. My thoughts ran wild. She wouldn't see me. I would be fast. By the time I finshed they would have no other option but to k*ll me. I'd be free. They might also torture me before they kill me or beat me to death but either way, I would no longer be alive.

I held the knife in my hand. I glanced one last time at Rebecca. I'd be able to eat what I wanted if she wasn't alive. I brought it down and cut off a chunk of potatoe. I kept my brain empty until I ran out. I didn't like when I had thoughts like that. I couldn't control it. They showed up when they wanted and left when they were finished. Some days I couldn't think straight. It was all to much. I cut through the carrots and and the rest of the vegtables. I followed Rebecca's cooking instructions and helped her make pot roast. It smelled so yummy. The stew was bubbling and thick shreds of meat floated around. I could feel the smell calling me. It wrapped around me like a warm hug beconing me closer. I doubt there would be any leftover stew. There's no way.

"Set it over here" I followed Rebecca and placed the giant pot on top of this metal circle she said kept the table safe from the heat of the pot. She set out the spoons and fixed the bowls before calling out that dinner was served. I took my notice and ran back to the kitchen as the crowds started to arrive. Out of sight, out of mind. I finished washing what was left of the prep and started wiping down the counters. The cleaning liquid smelled sweet, like candy. By the time I finished scrubbing down the entire kitchen, the commotion and laughter had died down in the dining room. Silence hung low as the pack members left in pairs or groups. Rebecca started bringing the bowls in as I started loading them into the dishwasher. It was quiet between us, not that there was ever much conversation. No one really spoke to me. They ordered me to do stuff but they didn't talk to me.

''Alpha Damian, what a surprise! You didn't have to bring that here, I would've picked it up.'' Rebecca was standing straight with one hand on her hip, berating the Alpha as if he was a small child.

''It's fine Rebecca, I couldn't finish all this food. I loaded a bit too much onto my plate. I was hoping you knew what to do with it?'' My head jerked up. There was never leftovers. If anything people fought each other for the last bites when Rebecca made stew. Alpha Damian was looking at me. Did he know I hadn't eaten? Or that I wasn't allowed to eat? That's a stupid thought. Why would he care about me?

''I'll handle it. Don't worry.'' Rebecca reassured him as he set his plate down and walked out of the kitchen. He took one final glance in my direction before he left. Maybe he wanted to know if his shirt was ready? That made more sense. Very logical Eleanor. Why thank you. As I finished here, I'd check on his shirt.

''You can eat this, it's too much to throw away.'' What did she say? I can eat! What if it's a test? What if it's not?

''Well hurry up, I wanna put these to wash.'' Rebecca was quick to scold me for taking too long. Her tone was different today. I didn't how to describe it.

''Thank you.'' Those were my last words before I gobbled down the cold stew. The gravy had thickened and the meat was so soft. There was at least four spoonfuls left on the plate. I could eat more. So much more. But this was enough. It had to be; just enough to keep me alive until my next meal. No, until the next stray scraps I would survive on. This. This big heavenly plate of stew, this was a meal. A wonderful meal. I nearly licked the plate but stopped myself. I did however scrape the last bits into my mouth like a monster in a kid's movie. I set the plate down in the dishwasher and closed it after I added the soap. The cycle started and since the kitchen was done, I was free to go.

I rushed down stairs into the laundry room and grabbed the shirt. It was perfectly dry and smooth. I grabbed it off the hanger. My heart was pounding in my chest as I walked to the stairwell that led upstairs.