Vows of Silence

8

My eyes felt heavy. I was laying down. It was still cold. I need to wake up. Well, I am awake. I need to open my eyes. I willed my eyes to open and nothing happened. Again. Nothing. Maybe I'll just take a nap. My wolf nudged me. I rolled my eyes. At least I could move those. I kinda think this is what being buried might feel like. Everything pressing down on you from all sides and you can't move. I need to stretch. My whole body feels numb, like when I'm extra tired and I've been working for days and my legs fall asleep under me. I felt my finger twitch. Just once, but it was enough. I pushed my eyelids up and was instanly hit by light. A bright blinding light that made my eyes feel like they were on fire. I shut my eyes again. Where am I? My throat hurts. I wanted to move my hands to rub it but I couldn't. The smells were strong. It almost smelled like someone dumped a bucket of cleaner on the floor and let it dry. It was a type of cleaner I've never smelled before. I opened my eyes again, this time I blinked a few times and let them relax agaisnt the lights. It still hurts, but I can look around now. I stll don't know where I am. There was a thin white blanket over me. I rubbed the fabric between my fingers. It was clean and light, It's probably why I'm so cold. There was an empty dark green chair in the corner, it's seat cushion was still perfectly puffed up as if it had never been sat in. And why would they? It's just me. It was a small room. The walls were a light creamy kind of color. Like when Rebecca's toasting flour for mac and cheese and it turns a bit darker in the pan. A constant beep rang out past my head. I finally managed to tilt my neck enough and I could see a machine with lines all over it. There were lines coming out of it and leading to me and different colored lines on the little tv. It looked like a monster. I was flat on my back. I hated being flat on my back. It always made my back hurt. Sometimes, when I'm really tired. I'll lay flat against the floor until the pain dulls but I know if I stay that way it'll end up hurting more when I wake up. There was no pillow under my head either. At this angle, I felt the coldness of the a/c blow cold air on me. Why's the a/c on if its winter? Maybe it's warm outside.

I felt my wolf walk up to me. She sat down and looked at the room through my eyes. I waited by her. I don't really know what to do when she's near. She's never been this close. I kept my hands clasped in front of me and she studied the room. Maybe she recognizes it? It's believed your is always around, they just make themselves present around the time you turn sixteen or at least around when you turn eighteen. I tried keeping count of my age when I shifted but I lost track of time. That was a few christmas's ago. She looked over at me, asking me where we were.

"I don't know. I've never been here before. I don't even know if we're in the same pack." I felt the look in her eyes before I saw it. Useless. That's what she thought of me.

"Do you think they traded us? Or got rid of me? I know I was on the floor but I didn't want to fall asleep there. It was an accident." I felt tears touch the corners of my eyes. I know I shouldn't cry but they all said they were kind to someone like me that out there beyond the pack borders, wolves like me were beaten, starved, killed and forced to do things they want to. Now that I think about, it doesn't sound to different from how I already live. Could it be possible that beyond the pack borders, they were worse. This form of kindness is truly the only one to exist in the world and I should be grateful. I heard mumbling from outside the door. They were talking fast and I heard a few clicks of something before the door clicked open.

''Oh you're already awake. That was fast, we expected you to be out for at least a week.'' A man with bright white hair and black round glasses that balanced on his crooked nose said. He was wearing a long white coat and under that he had a light blue shirt with buttons and sand colored pants. The woman that walked in next to him was one I recognized from the breakfast table in the pack house. She didn't look at me. She just wrote stuff down on a pad and pressed buttons on the machine that showed her different numbers. The man pulled a small rolling chair with a circle for a seat and sat by me. His smile was soft. From this close I could see small dots across his face. He looked nice. My wolf agreed. She sniffed by him and looked at me before relaxing a bit. It was nice having someone on my side. Someone to help me incase I second guess myself.

''You took quite a fall. It caused some internal injuries and you took some damage to the head. We almost lost you for a second there. Some of your other injuries had already healed but the evidence wass still there and it did leave some permanent damage in different areas of the body. I want you to rest and take it easy for a few days, if possible, I'd like you to rest here.'' He took one glance at the foot of the bed and pulled out a pillow.

''Now, how'd that get over here.'' He said while tossing a look at the girl. He fluffed it before lifting my back and putting the pillow down. "I know laying flat has got to be painful with your back injuries. I'm sorry about that.''

''Where am I ?'' I found the courage to speak. My voice was dry and cracky, like someone squishing a plastic bag. It hurt when I spoke. I almost didn't recognize myself talking. I coughed and it felt like someone ripping my throat out. I thought it would stop with the first one but it didn't . Before long I had forced myself to sit up because it felt like I was choking. He said something to the girl from the breakfast table and she left. Good, she was never nice to me. She always made sure to leave extra food on the floor or smudge sauces and bits of food into the table. She'd wait until everyone had left so that the food would be dry and crusty before I could clean it up. Once, she even dumped food on my head after she told me to clean the floor by her. He moved his hands against my back but it did nothing. I kept coughing. I couldn't breathe. I was gasping but nothing entered my mouth. He finally got up and left and the room. Seconds later he came back inside and she followed behind him. He put a cup to my lips while she held a pink plastic pitcher in her hand.

''It's water. Just drink.'' I drank a few sips before I grabbed the light blue cup and went to chug the rest. ''It's alright, no one's going to take it away. Just drink slow.'' No, but she might dump it and who knows when I'll get water next. I slowed down anyway and took long slow sips.

''What's wrong with me?'' My voice was better and my throat hurt less.

''Well, that coughing can happen when a breathing tube is removed incorrectly or when your head's not in the right position to relax after it's removed but in your case it looks like both.'' His voice was soft when he spoke. He glared at the girl this time and she rolled her eyes when he looked back to me. I guess she was the one who did that.

''And to answer your question, you're at the pack hospital. You were brought here after Alpha Damian found you in the kitchen at around four in the morning. I'll let him know you're awake. And we'll see about getting something to eat and another blakete because you're freezing.'' He gave a pat to the bed and pressed a button that turned the bed from flat to almost like a chair. I was able to lay against it but still sit up. This was the coolest bed ever. He gave me a heavier blanket and tucked me in, I could feel my feet start warming up. I don't how long I'd be able to stay here but I'd enjoy every minute of it. Just before he shut the door, he turned back to me and said, "I'm so sorry, where are my manners, I'm Dr. Draine. Don't worry, I'll take care of you for as long as I am able.'' I think for the first time in my life, I felt like this place was safe.