Ambassador to the Freaks

(12) Submersion

Three days later, with the great forests visible on the horizon, Lewin performed magic.

He was in Lovely Woman, seated at a table. Monsta was on the table, which was more comfortable for her than trying to bend into a chair. Old Oak was in one corner of the room. Embers glowed in the hearth in another corner. The wagon was silent, its other occupants out performing for the village where they had stopped. The air was cool as night drew near, but Lewin still felt warm from the day’s exertions. The smell of apples was in the air; this village had a surplus and had sold them cheaply. His sleeve was wet and sticking to his arm from when Monsta had splashed him when they were out at a lake. His mouth was dry from the dusty air outside. Every sensation of that moment was clear in his memory. It was the first time he managed to submerge his mind.

It was a trick of water magic. His mind manage to rid itself of every exterior sensation and worry and was suddenly in a dark and quiet place. Thoughts no longer bounced against the sides of his mind, slippery and ever changing. He could spread out his thinking like a scroll and examine every thought at his own pace.

It was about time; the last three days had been unbearable.

The first day, Old Oak had explained the trick to him. “It is a state of peace. You leave the world behind and retreat within. It is a place where fear cannot reach you.”

“That sounds helpful.” They were still on the mountain road then, stopping to trade with a traveling merchant. Entertainers were not people of many needs, but they did need very specific and strange items for their acts from time to time, and never let a trader pass by. Lewin and his new teacher were on the grass beside the road, along with Monsta. The nereid was also listening to the dryad’s teachings, especially about this strange deep place.

“However, happiness and joy do not follow you there either. It is a place of emptiness, where there is only yourself. It is not a place you create by throwing your worries aside, but rather it is a place where fear, joy, anger, and love cannot exist. When your mind descends there, it is stripped of the things of the world.”

“How do I get there?”

“It will not be easy for you, Ob-Enon.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me.” Lewin was growing a little tired of the old tree’s constant warnings that magic would be difficult for him. “I’m a human. I do everything in a hurry. I imagine I’ll learn magic more quickly than you expect.”

“I do not doubt that. However, if you hurry to submerge your mind, you will never get there.”

Lewin spent a few hours in practice, but it sounded so strange to him. How was his mind supposed to travel? Was he just supposed to imagine this deep dark place? Should he empty his mind, or focus it? He closed his eyes and did his best, but he basically just daydreamed for an hour.

The next day, Old Oak continued to teach. This time the entertainers were with them in the wagon, cramped into the room where Auren and Phreeda slept. It was smaller now than when they stopped, since the walls and furniture could slide around to create a more comfortable and open space when not in motion. Shen stood near the window, Bertram sat near the hearth, Roddy leaned against the door to one of the storage rooms, and Monsta was between the girls on the table which, when flipped over, became their bed. The dryad was rooted to the floor, his voice trembling a little as the wagon moved. “Take yourself to a place where the rest of the world vanished. Somewhere where you were not moving, nor waiting, but simply being. For me, this is my tree.”

Phreeda raised an eyebrow. “Your tree? Aren’t you kind of a tree yourself?”

“I am similar, yes, but I am no more a tree than you are a pig.”

Auren snickered. Phreeda did not appreciate the comparison, but the magister had complimented her weight earlier, so she let it slide.

“My tree is tied to me, and I to it. Humans are children of air, too free to be tied to the world, but my roots are laid in the great forest. I can become one with my tree and enter inside of it.”

“That’s what you were doing when I encountered you on the road?”

“Yes, though that was not my tree, and if it were the tree of another dryad, I could not have been a part of it. I was borrowing the place while I waited for you. Inside my own tree, I cannot feel the wind or the rain, cannot touch the earth, and all sensation is deadened. I myself am nearly as a dead creature, except that my mind remains strong. When I submerge my mind, that is where I go.”

Bertram smiled; all this was familiar to him. “I go to a barrel. It was an old discarded thing with rusted rings. I used to hide under it when some bullies would chase me. It blocked out a lot of sounds and most of the light. It wasn’t exactly comforting, but it was very familiar. Sometimes I would crawl under there for no real reason at all. It was cleaned up by the city, but the memory of being there is still strong, and that memory helped me learn to submerge my mind.”

“Yes, it cannot be a place of great fear or great joy. Many try to find the deep place by using a happy memory, but those memories will elevate you. You must neither rise nor sink, but simply float.”

Lewin thought. “The gardens maybe? That place is very familiar to me, and…”

“Nah.” Auren gave a dismissive flick of her hand. “You’re a bookworm. That was a happy place for you, and probably very engaging for your mind. Won’t work.”

Old Oak turned to her with his vacant stare. “You have studied water magic as well?”

“No, just sky for me, but I know some of the basics. I also know that if I ever learn this brain-drowning trick, it could hurt my own magic.” She gave her coin a flip in the air. “They say you only get one chance to dance with fortune.” Auren then lay back on the table and pretended not to listen to the teaching.

Roddy chimed in. “I don’t expect to learn magic either, but… well, there’s this village we pass whenever we travel to the western island. The farm were we usually set up camp has a barn where I put our animals. Usually I’m so exhausted from the ferry and the rocky roads that I just bed down for the night on the straw. The place is very familiar, but I’m usually not happy or sad to be there, but just exhausted. Would that work?”

“Wait a minute…” Phreeda leaned forward. “You sure that place isn’t a happy one? Didn’t you and that blond milkmaid steal a few kisses in there?”

He stared back for a few moments, then turned his head away and replied under his breath. “I made that up…”

“I knew it!”

“My cell at Kuwan Castle.” It was a little surprising to hear Shen speak up. “Squires are given very small and scant living conditions so we can focus on our path to knighthood. The place means little to me, but it was dark and quiet, good for contemplation.”

“Yes, good.” Old Oak motioned toward each of them, attempting a human gesture, though it just looked like him swaying in the wind. “And you?” He motioned to Monsta.

“I… I don’t…”

“I’ve got one.” Phreeda put a hand on Monsta’s shoulder. “Right here. Well, not here, but in Good Drink, the same room. When I came down with sunrise fever, Roope and Sandy doctored me in their bed until I got better. I was in that bed for days, but it only felt like… well, I couldn’t tell how much time had passed. My mind was only half working. I’ve had too many fun evenings in this wagon, but that one was a sort of retreat for me.”

“That may work. I would be glad to teach all of you who wish to learn.”

“I’m an acrobat, magister. Hurrying and moving too much is my job. Thank you, but I don’t think it would work.”

Lewin looked at Monsta, who was the only one yet to speak. “What about the cisterns under the castle? Those were pretty dark and deep.”

“Yes… but what about you?”

“I’ll think of something.”

But he couldn’t, and the submerged place eluded him.

The third day came and they arrived at the last village before the great forests. From here they could see the great and towering trees that seemed small until you looked at the scenery around them, and realized their true size. The village itself was surrounded by stumps. What were once trees formed a spotted pattern between the humans and the forests. These were the trees that carpenters and artisans coveted, and which were shipped anywhere on the eastern island where someone was willing to pay for them.

The troupe liked to set up camp a little bit outside the places where they stopped. Good Drink and Lovely Woman were so large that they could interrupt traffic, and besides, entertainers were still strangers, and people grow more suspicious of strangers when the sun sets. The stopped and unpacked the wagons by a farm that welcomed them as guests.

There was a lake nearby, which Old Oak somehow knew as soon as he stepped out of the wagon. Monsta had been stuck inside for too many days, and nearly flopped her tail against the door in anticipation. Lewin was dreading having to carry her all the way there, but the dryad offered to help and lifted her long body with no apparent effort. They walked around the fields, seeing as they went the stalks and vines that were shriveled and browning in the summer heat. Old Oak stopped to gaze at the crops. “The earth here is spent. These plants can take little more from it.”

“Can you help? With your earth magic?”

Old Oak turned to look at Lewin. Without a proper face, his expression could not be read, but Lewin was uncomfortable with his gaze. “Perhaps.”

A cry came out from the farmhouse. “Apple!” A woman was coming toward them, but the sound of tromping feet told them that a child was running through the fields and outdistancing her, though the stalks hid them. Monsta curled up in the dryad’s arms and turned her face away. Soon the boy was visible and sprung from the fields with a laugh, but his excitement turned to surprise as he saw who it was, and then that surprise turned to wonder.

“A mermaid!”

Maybe it was in their haste to reach the water, or perhaps all the attempts to learn water magic had left them mentally exhausted, but whatever the reason, they had forgotten to disguise Monsta in a skirt and wig. She shrunk from the unwanted attention, but she had been seen by one, and soon it would be two.

The woman caught up to her son and was clearly as surprised as he was, but disguised the fact a bit better. “Oh, you’re not Apple. My apologies. We don’t see many of your kind out of the forest.”

Old Oak did not look like he would respond. He did not know any human conversational niceties, after all. Lewin spoke instead. “We were headed to the lake. Is that all right?”

The little boy was standing under the dryad, gazing up at Monsta’s caudal fin.

“Of course, boy. You and your friends are welcome here.”

“That’s very kind of you. I had been told that people in these parts did not care much for… outsiders.”

They both knew that he meant non-humans. “Well, Apple was always so insistent about learning about humans that we wouldn’t be able to be rid of her, and she’s so polite that all of us near the border like her well enough. Most of us.”

The boy was now jumping up to try to swat the dangling fin.

“Thank you, ma’am. We should be going…”

A familiar sound interrupted him. It was the frightened chirps that Monsta mad when upset. Lewin turned to see the boy holding on to her fin and trying to pull her down.

The woman stomped her foot. “Hagan, you stop that!” The boy let go and scurried away. “So sorry about that, lord Ob-Enon. He didn’t mean any harm. I hope she wasn’t hurt.”

Lewin did not respond. He stood facing her, his eyes wide and almost unblinking.

After gathering her son, the woman gave a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you.”

“I know the Ambassador when I see him. Walking around with a dryad and a mermaid like it was normal – who else would you be? Here.” She removed the cap from her head and untied her apron, handing both to Lewin. “That should be enough to disguise her, at least from a distance.”

“We couldn’t…”

“I’ll get ‘um back later. You’re traveling with those performers, aren’t you? Not that it’s any way for the Ambassador to travel, but who am I to say? Come on, Hagan.” She led her son back to the house. He tried to stop several times to look back, but the mother pulled him along until they were lost from view.

Lewin was wondering what Auren would say about the encounter when he heard the mermaid’s soft sobs again. “It’s not your fault, Monsta.”

“I got you in trouble.”

“Don’t worry about that.” He slipped the cap on her head and tucked her frilled ears beneath it. “There. A human if I ever saw one.” She seemed no happier. “Let’s go. A swim will make you feel better.”

It did. The lake was large enough that it bent and curved, allowing them to drop her off in a place blocked off from by trees from any prying eyes. Once inside the water she moved with so much quickness that clearly she was forgetting her sadness. She could only surface in their little hidden nook, but she explored the depths of the water beneath the other humans who never knew she was there.

Lewin sat against a tree and tried again at the water magic, but his head was just too full to be emptied, it seemed. Eventually they were joined by Shen, who cast a stern look at Lewin, but said nothing. He also had his badge and his sword, which was presented to him upon his knighthood and was a far finer piece than Auren’s bladed iron stick. He stood at the edge of the lake looking directly ahead, standing out far more conspicuously than any nereid ever would.

As if he weren’t conspicuous enough, Auren could be heard coming up next, shouting as the hem of her dress caught on a bush. She pulled herself loose and continued toward them, shouting for Lewin until she saw them. She hurried over with her lute thudding musically against her back where it hung. “They really let that deforested area get overgrown.” Seeing that Lewin was either napping, practicing magic, or ignoring her, she moved to stand next to Shen. “That woman won’t tell anyone.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Well, because…”

“Because you consulted your magic coin?”

She huffed a strand of hair from her face. “You have a problem with that?”

“Not as long as I also guard the boy.”

The mercenary rolled her eyes and turned away from him to tune her lute. Aside from the birds, it was the only sound in the air. The knight listened for a little while; he did not know music well enough to know that she was inexperienced, though he probably guessed.

“Haven’t seen you in a dress before.”

“Just shut up and let me play!” She moved farther away from him and continued practicing, though her notes were wrong more often than before.

The sun was climbing higher. Auren’s wild hair was starting to cling to the sweat of her forehead. She moved to the lake and knelt down to splash water on her head and neck. She sighed with relief and started to stand, but snagged on the hem of her dress.

Shen heard the splash and looked over to see an arm sticking out of the lake to keep the lute from getting wet. The mercenary emerged and stood, her clothes clinging awkwardly. She moved with very slow, very angry steps toward the wagons. “I am not having a good day.”

“Would you like me to escort you back?”

Auren ignored him and headed back while wringing the water out of her sleeves.

Not much later, Old Oak turned his eyes to the lake. “She has done it.”

“What?” Lewin sat up. “Done what?”

“Her mind is submerged.”

Monsta checked from just below the surface before emerging, in case anyone was watching. It was only Lewin and Shen. She swam forward until she flopped up on the shore.

“You did it? How!?”

The mermaid recoiled from Lewin’s shout. He was not shouting at her, but it was rare to hear him shout at all. “What?”

“Water magic! You did it!”

She looked at him, then at Old Oak, then at him again, and then she smiled. “I did?”

“Yes. Your mind departed this world for a while. I could feel it freed from your joys and worries.”

She smiled wider, her pointed teeth showing white in the sun. They dressed her and returned to the wagons, but she never stopped smiling. Even though Lewin was fuming and stomping with barely-concealed jealous rage, she could not help but smile. Once they were back, she told everyone about it as soon as she could. The entire group was happy for her, no one more than Auren, who called her the ‘magic mermaid’. Even Lewin managed to forget being upset for a few moments at the sight of her so proud.

But that evening, he was focused on his own goals again. He, she, and the dryad were in the wagon alone as the others went to perform for the village. “How did you do it? Please, let me know!”

“Ob-Enon, she is a child of water. You must not be in such a hurry…”

“How!?”

For some reason, his shout made her giggle. “Don’t be angry, Ambassador.”

He took a few quick breaths and spoke more quietly. “How did you do it, Monsta?”

“I smelled familiar smell and… I remembered. From long ago, from before Joten. It was small, dark place. It was whole world. I was there again. Then, I saw the way to go deeper. Not with my eyes or my sounds, I just felt it, and I went there. I was there for long time.”

“And you did very well.” She blushed under the dryad’s praise. “I did not think you would succeed so quickly, but I have never known the skill of the nereids. It will take far longer for a human.”

Lewin was having none of that.

What place was a place of pure, complete peace? Where could he go that was free from happiness, free from stress, free from pain and fear and hope and despair? Where could he go to just exist, with the world around him fading into the background? The kitchen? The garden? The city? The throne room? The library?

Maybe into a story. He had read so many stories; surely one of them had taken him to this kind of place. But every story he could remember was one of excitement, or adventure, or perhaps tragedy. All the stories he read were good ones! Hadn’t he ever read a book that had made him feel nothing?

The Complete Collection of Joys. In the library, on a shelf that never got hit by direct sunlight, between a large volume of poetry and a book so frayed that he was not allowed to touch it, there was a volume of musings called The Complete Collection of Joys. It was written by a king named Kirrit, and was a collection of classic verses written by the king himself. They were about all the things he considered best in life. Many scholars considered it a benchmark for all great works, but some spoke ill of it. After all, Kirrit was a bloated tyrant who enjoyed luxuries while his people had starved, and who had been murdered by his own soldiers. Lewin had read it once, and it had been the most boring book had ever read.

His mind had wandered, but not because any story had captivated him, but simply because the words his eyes read were no longer reaching his mind. The room around him had seemed to spin as he had forgotten where he was, word after effete word washing over him. He put himself there again, on an uncomfortable library stool with the smell of paper and ink around him. The book was before him again, but it opened wider, and Lewin entered in.

He was in a lightless and empty place. Where was he? A table was before him now, and upon it, there was a parchment. Upon it was drawn the thought ‘I have submerged my mind’. Lewin knew it was true. He knew that once he returned to the world, he would be excited. He would be childishly excited, in fact. Monsta would be proud of him. Old Oak would be surprised. This would be a happy moment. It would probably be a very happy one. Right now, in this place, he knew it for a fact, accepted it, and moved on to other thoughts.

The table before him grew wider and books were upon it. One contained all his fears of confronting the cyclopes. Another contained his fears of the felians, and it had illustrations of his dreams about them. He could study these whenever he wanted. Another book, larger than these two, held everything he had learned about his job as the Ob-Enon.

He turned to the bookshelf that was now behind him. Every volume upon it was a person, and within was every fact and memory he had collected on them. He brushed his fingers across the volumes. Auren’s was poorly bound. Bertram’s had a lock. He pulled down the volume for Elocyne and thumbed through some pages. Golden hair. Riding horses through the rowan trees. Fifteen years old. A face red but tearing up as she tried to be mad but couldn’t stop laughing. Two handbreadths shorter than him. It was a long volume.

In a bowl of water next to the bookshelf was Monsta’s volume. He took it out and opened it. The pages flipped until two memories were showing. One was her face, looking up at him from behind the bars in the moat as he walked into the city, and the other was a brief look she had given when he had closed the door on her the first night she had slept in Poetry. He saw how those were connected now. He made a notation in the book.

“Humans always hurry.”

Old Oak was in his library. “Hello, magister. I have submerged my mind.”

“Yes you have. I did not expect it. You have already begun to organize your thoughts as well.”

“Yes. Is it a library because of how I entered here, or because a library makes sense to me?”

“I do not know. Different beings experience this place in their own way. Lewin, how much time has passed since you entered this place?”

“I do not know. I suspect, because you ask, that it is either more or less than I expect.”

“It is less. Only a few moments. If you are ready, come back to the world above.”

“I do not know how.”

“Attach yourself to a concern of the world, and let it pull you out.”

Lewin grabbed hold of a rope braided from his jealousy and it pulled him back out, out through the pages of The Complete Collection of Joys, and back out into Lovely Woman, where he could smell apples, feel his wet sleeve, and taste his dry mouth.

And he had been right. It was a very happy moment.