What About Loyalty

Chapter 20

I don't know how it happened, but in fourth period English, I was summoned to Ms. Huka's office.

When I went in the guidance department, the lady at the front desk told me that Ms. Huka is in her office and that she's ready for me. With no other choice, I walked in her office and saw her sitting at her desk, smiling.

"Hello, Harvey," said Ms. Huka. "Glad you could make it. Please, have a seat."

"Okay?" I said as I sat down in the nearest chair I saw. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, is all."

Bullshit. "I'm fine. Really."

"Are you sure? You don't seem fine."

Just let me go. "Well, I am."

"Your friend, Ali, doesn't seem to think so, which is why she wanted me to arrange this."

What?! Ali?! Why would she think that it's okay for me to suffer?

"Oh, really?" I replied in an inconspicuously nasty tone. "Then I guess I have to explain everything now, huh?"

"As long as you know that what you say stays in this room," Ms. Huka replied.

Yeah, right. "Fine. The day I got suspended from school spiraled these events I'm about to tell you. You know about my suspension, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, it all started when I got home from school. My dad saw that suspension slip I put on the table and, after a bad day at work, he got even more angry and almost beat me to death. It led me to call the cops, and now he's in jail.

"My mom wasn't exactly a fan of that, so she wanted me to get out of the house, which led me to kill her out of anger. Please, and I cannot stress this enough, promise me you won't tell anyone, especially the police, about this."

Ms. Huka seemed pretty disturbed by my story, because she was unsure whether she should keep the promise. "Are you sure you want me to do that for you?" she asked. "This is very serious, and I'd-"

"But you said what I'd tell you would would stay in this room, did you not?" I countered.

I believe Ms. Huka had no other option, because she reluctantly agreed after realizing what she had promised me.

"Now," I continued. "I think Ali probably told you about what Hilary Hurston did yesterday in lunch, right?"

"Yes, she did," Ms. Huka replied. "Ms. Hurston's in the assistant principal's lounge as we speak."

"And after school that day," I continued, "I immediately went to a bar and got drunk. I swear, it was the worst day of my life." I was telling the truth, too. What made it even sadder was the fact that I used alcohol to try and drown out my problems, which only made me even more depressed.

"Wow," said Ms. Huka. "What a story. I never knew you to open up like this."

"There's more to it than that. Last night made me realize how insignificant life is."

Now Ms. Huka was deathly worried about me (pun intended). "What do you mean by that? Are you talking about your life?"

Geez, what do you think? "Maybe. It's just that... maybe... I've been thinking about how better off everyone here would be if I were dead."

Ms. Huka looked as if she saw a ghost behind me. "Are you thinking about killing yourself?"

Come on, b***h! Just say my life is worth something already! "Well, I didn't say those exact words, did I?"

"Maybe so, but even still, what you are saying is still pretty serious, though."

I know how serious it is. Just comfort me! Do anything that will convince me to stay in this world! "You're not making this any better for me, y'know."

"Well, there are two options," Ms. Huka said, that sentence finally giving me any sliver of hope left.

"What are they?" I asked.

"Number one, you can go to a professional therapist. Sure, they may not be as lenient as I am when it comes to keeping a secret, but-"

"Okay, what's option number two?" My patience was growing very thin at this point.

"Two, you can just go on with what you were going to do. Of course, I don't recommend this."

To be totally honest, I only clearly heard that first sentence. "Thank you for your time," I said as I got up.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Ms. Huka asked as I was about to walk out of her office. "Where are you going?"

"I'm doing option number two, going on with what I plan to do." I'm pretty sure she said some other things, but I didn't pay attention to it as I walked out of the guidance department.

After all of the f*****g bullshit I had to go through during this whole motherfucking month, my mind was made up. All hope had vanished. My trust had completely eroded. I no longer considered George and Ali my friends.

(George and I no longer talked to each other since I came back from my suspension, and Ali had violated her secrecy trait by going to Ms. Huka and have me tell her the whole goddamn story in the first place.)

I gathered every little thing in my locker, put them in a burlap sack I brought from home, then walked out of the building. Fortunately or unfortunately, no one came to stop me; further proof of an uncaring universe.