Always been mine!

chapter twenty-three

Torturous memories flash through my

mind. How we used to hold hands, kiss, his gentleness, his dark humor, and sexy stare. I miss Michael.

I quickly push Ronald off of me, all the feelings gone. I feel my eyes sting with

tears. It’s been three years. Three years of agony that has felt like an eternity. I wrap my arms around my body, hugging

myself tightly, holding myself together. I miss him. I really miss him. I know I still love him.

I cry myself to sleep most nights, wishing I hadn’t met him, wishing that he could be different, wishing that we were

Still together. How long will this hideous overwhelming feeling last?

Ronald: "hey! Did I hurt you?" Ronald asks as he kneels beside the bed taking my arms in his. I look down at him and let out a tiny sob. "I am sorry, maybe I was too rough." He kisses the palm of my left hand.

How do you tell a guy you just had s*x with that you wished he was someone else? In my mind’s eye, I visualize Michael’s face the last time I saw him as I left for school. The s*x. I remember he didn’t want me to go, but I had to. I had

convinced myself our relationship had been perfect.

Turning to Ronald, I hug him, filled with an overwhelming sadness. I deserve to be loved.

My thoughts plague me until eventually I fall into an exhausted sleep. I wake up in

the morning to find myself tucked in. I walk over to the bathroom and In the large mirror on the wall, I take a long, hard look at my face. I am my usual self with dark circles around my eyes. I look haunted. I quickly take a bath and walk

back in the bedroom and sit by the dressing mirror. Jeez, I wish I knew how to use makeup, but this was all Bonnie's area of expertise.

I applied some mascara and eyeliner before pinching my cheeks. Then tie my hair into a bun and took a deep breath. This will have to do. Nervously I walked out with a smile on my face and found Ronald with Christopher in the kitchen. He hurried over to kiss my cheek before taking my hand in his and leading me over to sit by the coffee table.

Me: "morning. Hi Chris."

Chris:"it's been a minute, Nikki. You look great by the way."

Me:“Thank you.” I smiled, a little embarrassed.

R:"coffee, love?" I nod.

He offered me a plate filled with fries, a few slices of tomato and an omelet, which I ate within ten minutes and gulped down my coffee.

*******************************

The s*x with Ronald was great but I wanted it with HIM! The one man who

made me orgasm with just a stare. Ronald had dropped me home three hours ago. He'd been so convinced the s*x we'd had signified the beginning of a

relationship between us. I didn't want to burst his bubble, so I let him have his moment. Truth be told, my heart wasn't free, and neither was my body. I could

feel Michael's touch at times. That sensuous mouth with those thin perfect lips.

My phone vibrated, bringing me back to

reality.

Text message from Bonnie.

"Am coming over! With a guest. I should find you dressed!"

I laughed and texted her back; "Alright love."

I want to talk to my buddie ALONE! But obviously that won't happen. I was in the living room when the doorbell rang, I rushed to open the door only to find Ronald. He looked up and down my

body before pulling me outside, abruptly pushing me up against the wall. He grabbed my face between his hands, forcing me to look up into his determined

eyes. I gasped, and his mouth swooped down. He kissed me, violently. Briefly our teeth clashed, then his tongue was in my mouth.

Desire exploded throughout my body, and I kissed him back, matching his energy. He let out a groan, a low sexy

sound in the back of his throat and his hand moved down my body to the top of my thigh, his fingers digging into my flesh. He broke off the kiss, panting and his eyes filled with desire. My mouth was open and dry as I tried to drag air into my lungs.

"You are finally mine," he said then pushed away from me and leaned against the wall. "I need all of you.”

I leaned against the wall, trying to control myself, "I’m sorry, yours? I belong to no

one Ron."

R:“You do. Me! I want all of you to myself."

I shook my head. “No. I can't."

R:“I have spent all my adult life trying to avoid any emotional connection. Yet you ... you bring out feelings in me that are completely foreign. It’s very unsettling. I like to be in control, Nikki, and around you that just evaporates.” He stood still, staring at me intensely before raising his hand and running it through his shaven head. "I want you to meet my family. I think I'm in love with you, Nikki.”