Found Love When Your Gone

Chapter 7 Jealousy and Hatred

Jessica Pov...

Lately I felt something was wrong. The unexplained feeling gnawing at me is heavier than my peace. Jonathan doesn’t see it or maybe he does and chooses not to say anything.

Because he always has late dinners with his father, the distracted replies when we are talking and most, the way his eyes drift somewhere else, even when he’s right in front of me.

I told myself it was business and this is for us too.

Because love means trust.

Because love means not asking too many questions.

Because love means believing him even when something inside you is already breaking.

For the past four years, we've been practically living like a couple and I am hoping one of these days he will propose. I want to tell the world he is mine and I am his.

I'm already happy with what we have but recently a tug in my chest made me anxious. He is just my boyfriend and not my husband. I don't own him or most he is just a little fraction of my life. I need a whole to make sure no one can take him away from me, even his family.

Back then, transferring to that school was a blessing as I got the chance to meet him. I made sure he was on my top list no matter what. Now that he's mine, I can't bear the thought of losing him. If he can't propose to me, then I'll do it.

Who says a woman can't take the lead? If they can, we can too!

That evening he was having dinner again with his father. I had already bought a ring, not for him to propose but for me to propose to him. As I walked through the mall, excitement bubbled within me, and I couldn't help but smile, imagining the surprise later at his apartment.

I'm on my way home when my stomach growls. "This beast!" I murmured, looking around for a place to eat, when my eyes caught a sushi restaurant.

My smile was all over my face entering the sushi restaurant when I caught a glimpse of Jonathan and Gertrude reflected on the glass wall.

My stomach dropped. And my heart froze, locked gaze with their silhouette.

Gertrude?

Was she back?

Rubbing my eyes and looking again. Jealousy and anger swept over me looking at them and my hands were itching to yank her long hair. No!

My fist clenched as I walked closer to them when Mr. Cushe came from nowhere towards them. I completely froze, stunned, watching the scene unfolding before me. My heart felt like it was being torn slowly from my chest, and I didn't know what to think. My nails punctured my skin but I couldn't feel the pain.

I nearly lost my footing when he pulled Gertrude close and their lips met in a passionate kiss that unfolded before the eyes of everyone in the restaurant. The crowd erupted in cheerful applause, celebrating their public display of affection. But for me, the sight was too much to bear. Overwhelmed by a wave of pain, I quietly slipped out of the restaurant carrying my bruised heart.

Why Jonathan? I thought you were already mine. But I guess Gertrude was really born to have everything that easily.

I fell asleep waiting for Jonathan to come home. When I woke up, I was on the bed, covered with a comforter with just my underwear. Did I fall asleep so deeply that I didn't feel someone pull me and even undress me?

I bolted awake when the event last night was replayed in my head just when Jonathan came in, just wearing his pajamas and robe without a shirt on, displaying his f*****g delicious abs. What a sight in the morning, but last night's hated moment is still roaring like hell in my head.

Tears welled up as I threw pillows at him. He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, picking up the pillows and pulling me into a tight hug. "You think you can just walk in here like nothing happened?!” My voice cracks, sharp and broken all at once.

“I’m sorry, baby!"

"Shut up! Don't call me that." I shouted. Of all the people, why always her?

"It’s not what you think-"

“Then what is it?!” I cut him off, my chest heaving. “Because it looked a lot like you kissing her!” I couldn't say her name burning my throat.

His jaw tightens and his face darkens. “It was an accident.”

A laugh escapes my mouth, bitter, hollow, and almost unrecognizable. "An accident?" I repeated in disbelief. “Do accidents come with an audience? With your father watching like he’s approving it?" Silence cracked and just then I realized something bigger.

"Baby…" He says carefully, stepping closer. "Just listen to me."

"No!" I shake my head. "You listen to me Jonathan." My voice drops colder but sharper.

.

"You don’t get to humiliate me and then ask me to stay calm."

He reaches for me, gripping my arms gently but firmly, trying to steady me or contain me.

“I’m handling it.” He says, his voice low and controlled. “Just give me time.”

“Time?” I whisper, my eyes burning. “So she can take my place properly?”

“That’s not happening.” He retorted quickly.

"You don’t know that!” I shoot back.

“You don’t know her.” I added.

But I do. I’ve always known her and I’ve always been compared to her, measured against her.

Almost but never enough.

“I won’t let her take you from me!” I whisper, more to myself than to him. His expression softened and pulled me. "I love you!" Those words coming from him can melt anyone's heart. I look at him and want to believe, but the game is one over two.

"Please, trust me." He said, and I did, but the people around him were the ones I couldn't trust.

"I love you Jessica." He repeated kissing my forehead. I look him in the eye, but the events last night keep flashing. The kiss and the smile on their father's faces.

This wasn’t random, or nothing but was the beginning of something and I'm already losing. My fingers tighten just as my chest rises.

No!

I won’t lose.

If Gertrude thinks she can walk back into our lives and take what’s mine, then she’s about to learn something she’s never felt before.

What it means to lose everything!