DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS

THE AFTERMATH

AVA

I opened my eyes slowly, and the light filtering through the curtains felt like needles piercing into my skull.

My head throbbed with pain. I tried holding my head together. I completely forgot that I wasn’t alone. The ache between my thighs brought me back.

I blinked rapidly, my pulse skipping. What did I do?.

I carefully came down. But he was sound asleep, facing the sun. His long hair covered his face, and I didn’t bother to look as this was a mistake.

I scrambled, grabbing my already rumpled dress, my shoes were thrown under the bed, and everything was everywhere.

I quickly wore it over my sticky skin.

I’d been reckless, stupid, and desperate for an escape from all the disappointment hanging over my life.

Guilt washed over me.

“It was just a one-night stand,” I say to myself.

I left the penthouse.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

I finally got to the subway station. I could feel the eyes on me, but I didn’t care I just wanted to be alone.

The ride down felt eternal. My mind screamed the same question.

“What have you done?”

I was lost in thought that I didn’t realize I had passed my destination.

I stepped out of the train and started walking without knowing where I was going.

Everything about last night felt surreal. The way he looked at me, the way he listened, the way he held me, the way he’d make me safe.

But maybe it was all in my head, maybe I was just another shameless girl in a long line of regrets.

I was just drunk and stupid. How foolish of me to hope for more.

I cleaned my eyes as tears threatened to fall. My whole body ached, and my feet were killing me.

I thought about calling my sister, but what would I say?

“Hey I slept with a stranger, can you pick me up?”

She’d immediately run to my dad and as usual, he’ll remind me how much of a disgrace I am and a stain on their lovely family.

I was tired of fighting

Tired of pretending

Tired of not putting myself first.

But then, I put myself first yesterday. I let myself free for the first time, Now I’m drowning in the aftermath.

Maybe that was the universe's way of reminding me that I didn’t matter and would never matter.

I decided to take a bus back to school, I’ll go back home once the tension has settled.

I caught the next bus back to campus. The ride was silent and exactly what I needed.

I headed straight to the bathroom.

I scrubbed my skin, I scrubbed it so hard that I felt a sharp pain.

My skin was red, but I wanted to get rid of his scent, his touch, his whispers, Everything about last night.

I curled up in bed afterwards. I decided to distract myself with my final project for the session. It was my last year in school and I was grateful.

I’ll get to work in my dream publishing house soon.

I busied myself, trying to forget how he made me feel, his warmth, how he treated me like I wasn’t a burden.

I dozed off halfway, but all I could see was him, whispering words like they meant anything.

A sharp pain in my lower abdomen woke me up from my long nap. I was hungry, I hadn’t eaten since last night. I quickly changed into something else so I could grab some food.

I took my phone out of my drawer and not even no missed calls or texts from anyone. I was alone.

I had no friends, my relationship with my sister was sour, and my parents were nothing to talk about.

The only reason he let me stay in a dorm was because he didn’t want to see my face. The more he sees my face, the more I remind him of how much of a disgrace I was.

I ignored the tears threatening to fall, as I arranged my hair. I thought of going for a drink, but I remembered what happened the first time. I quickly got ready, took my coat, my keys, and my phone, and locked the door.

The weather was nice and cold, so I decided to walk rather than take a Taxi.

I walked past a bar and my mind drifted back to last night. I was lost in thought when my father’s voice snapped me back to reality.

He was on television, with his beautiful Wife and precious daughter. They looked like the perfect family.

My mom had her fake deceiving smile on. A smile that was enough to warm anybody’s heart. But not mine. I looked at them and how they spoke so highly of themselves.

Tears threatened to fall again, but the growl in my stomach reminded me that I needed to get food.

The scent of freshly cooked pasta caused my stomach to growl. I quickly went towards the restaurant where the scent was coming from.

I had two servings of pasta and some meatballs. The food was heavenly. I ate to my fill and I felt life was Good again after that meal.

I paid for my food and left. It was already late so I decided to call a Taxi. I got to my dorm and quickly crashed on the bed.

It was the same circle. Wake up, bath, eat, work on my project, read, go out for dinner, and sleep.

This kept on going on for weeks until my father called.

“ I want you back home in 30 minutes. I’m having a guest over and you'd better put your disgraceful self together.”

He hung up the call. I had to endure, I have 4 months to graduate and then I’ll move out, until then I could endure all these.

I packed some things I’ll need and I booked an Uber to take me home.

I got to the gate of the mansion and the Air was already thick. It’s going to be a long week.