Blood Cursed Princess

Chapter Nineteen - Tommie

Esmée was already sitting there when I reached the coffee shop. A ray of sunshine was illuminated her fair hair while she was spacing out, looking by the window. We couldn’t have been more different, both physically and mentally. People kept highlighting it since we were young. I didn’t mind, though. What was the point of us being identical ? I didn’t want another me. I liked her just the way she was. If only things could be this simple… I sighed and joined her.

“ Hey !”, I said while sitting

I was surprised when she called this morning. Not because my head was really far away from anything but because she rarely called. I couldn’t blame her, I didn’t call much either. As soon as she saw me, Esmée started smiling and it made my heart ache a bit. She was always so genuinely happy to see me. I was too but I tended to hide it. I wish I was as open with my feelings that she is. But as I already said, we’re different.

“Thank you for coming on such a short notice”, Esmée smiled

“No problem. So, what did you want to talk to me about ?”

Her hands were circling her cup of tea. If we could call it tea. To me, it was obvious that it was mostly milk in there. So much for black tea. However, she always had been really fond of sweets. Sweet cakes, sweet drinks, sweet everything. Not really surprising, it matched her character. I liked my tea quite black, like my soul.

She seemed nervous. Playing with her hair, avoiding my eyes. Obviously, Esmée was looking for the right words. What was it about ? I was a bit nervous myself. Since her call, I kept wondering what all this was about. Did she hear anything about Niall and me ? No, it was impossible. She would have looked upset. Right now, she was just the embodiment of anxiety.

“It’s about Niall”, she dropped

I tensed. So it was about him, after all. Of any topic, he had to be the main one. I did my best to stay impassive. Now wasn’t the time to spill the beans by accident. I just had to wait for her to tell me everything and it would work out just okey. Keep it together, Tommie.

“What about him ? Did he do something to you ?”

“No, of course not !”, she exclaimed

Her sudden outburst surprised me. She wasn’t often that passionate, she never was about people. A knot formed in my stomach but I ignored it.

“What is it then ?”

“I… I kind of like him. I guess.”

This, my friends, might be the understatement of the century. At least, she was willing to admit that she was attracted to him. The knot tightened a bit but I didn’t even blink. I knew already, it was hard to ignore. However, she finally faced her feelings. I felt half proud, half guilty. I smiled, so she didn’t guess how uneasy I was growing.

“ You mean, like a really good friend or… ?”

Why did I push ? Why did I try to make her say it out loud ? I’ve been wondering for a time now if I wasn’t a masochist. Maybe this was my answer.

“I love him. But I don’t know if he loves me back.”

There it was. She said it. Those dreadful three words. She loved him and I’d slept with him last night. I almost did it again this morning. Shame was breathing down my neck while I did my best to clear my mind. The last thing I needed was for my emotion to get my powers go berserk. I needed to keep my blood in check, no matter how painful this conversation was, no matter how guilty I felt.

“He would be crazy not to”, I replied. “ You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met and you’re beautiful, which is a great bonus. Any sane man would kill to be your significant half.”

“You really think so ?”

Here she was, so insecure. It wasn’t a surprise. Our childhood had not really been a sinecure. Everywhere she went, people would belittle her without hiding, speaking ill while she was standing right there. I tried my best to shield her but I’ve kept my distances for quite a while now. Who knew how people have been treating her since then ? I’ve required that she’d be left alone but I wasn’t a full. Their power game was all they could think about. They might have kept trying to drag her into it. I wished things would be different. I wished she would have grown up blessed with love and caution. But I couldn’t change anything now, it was too late.

“I am positive. Why do you think he isn’t already crazy about you ?”

“Well… It’s hard to tell. Niall is always nice and kind with me. He walks me home whenever he can, he cares about me. The thing is he cares about everyone. He is always bend over backwards for everyone, friends or not. And I’ve never seen him really taking interest in women. Not like Angus does.”

I chuckled. Who could compare to Angus, though ? He was a true man w***e. I’ve hardly ever seen that level of debauchery in one person. Uni was full of the hearts he broke and the rumours to go with it. He never hid his nature, fully embraced it actually. He even hit on me more than once since I’ve started uni a few years back. I made myself really clear about how risky it would be for him to try again with me. He never made another move after that. Smart boy. Niall and him were indeed quite different. However, I doubted he was as… innocent as Esmée seemed to believe it. I raised my hand to get a waiter attention. I would need something strong to steady my nerves, I wouldn’t make it to the end of the conversation otherwise. Once my black tea ordered, it put my attention back on Esmée.

“In my opinion, it’s a good thing. Niall being a decent man doesn’t mean he doesn’t fell anything about you. Maybe he just has the same doubts as you. Nothing in his actions made you ever think that you could be more than just friends ?”

She stayed silent a couple of seconds as I mixed a cloud of milk in my tea and brought it to my lips before she answered:

“We slept together.”

I chocked and had to use several napkins to clean the mess I just made. Esmée’s cheeks had turn to a cute pink. The memory made her smile. I, in my case, wasn’t smiling at all. My throat was so tight that I could barely breath.

“As in…”

“As in he let me spend the night in the same bed as him.”

I restrained myself from sighing. He didn’t sleep with her like he did with me but why did I still feel this twinge in my chest ? I was being ridiculous. Why was it so hard to disconnect from my emotions ? I just needed to analyse the facts and to help Esmée.

“Well, it’s not insignificant. You wouldn’t let just any friend spend the night in your bed, would you ?”

“I guess not…”

“Then here is your sign. It’s enough to raise doubts. All you have to do is ask. It’s the only way to know.”

“Will you help me with that ? You’re way more experienced than me in that matter.”

Oh boy, just when I though I’d manage to free myself from this. I took a long sip of tea to gain some time. Her demand was reasonable. Since my teenage years, I had boyfriends and flirts. I couldn’t settle though, I might have been too much of a wild and free spirit for boys. But I wasn’t ignorant when it came to flirting and Esmée was so naïve. She needed help. I heard stories of men approaching her before because she was pretty and naïve. Each time, she didn’t know how to react and I thanked the goddess that Niall always had been around. I cared about her happiness a lot, more than I showed. Niall could really be the key to that happiness and I had no right to stand in the way. I took so much from her already. I would not also take Niall. Why did it feel like I was stabbing myself in the heart ? Nevertheless, I smiled to her.

“Of course.”

She smiled back, relieved. Angus’s annoying voice cut our conversation. I turned and my eyes met Niall’s. I wasn’t expecting to see him here, not after the chat Esmée and I just had. It was time for me to go. I greeted them and grabbed my jacket. It seemed that Niall wanted to keep me from going but my look begged him not too. I really needed to be alone right now. As he froze, I fled as fast as I could without looking suspicious.