Midnight End

7

I saw a part of myself in Viviene. When Merlin first rescued me, I hadn’t been much more functional than she was now. Had I been held captive much longer, my fate might have been hers. At first glance, a newcomer might not realize there was anything wrong with her. She was a beautiful woman—strawberry blond hair falling in waves down her back and delicate features that were the epitome of femininity. But I had seen enough to know her outward perfection was a stark contrast to how broken she was inside. When I approached, Merlin’s eyes lit with instant recognition. “My old friend, this is truly cause to celebrate.” He embraced me in a warm hug, something unusual for the Fae, but I greatly appreciated the gesture. As a wolf, I had come to rely heavily on physical touch as a means for communication. “I wondered if you would recognize me, but I should have known better,” I said with a laugh as I pulled back to take in his smiling face. “You, I would recognize anywhere. I’m just sorry it took as long as it did for this moment to come.” As he spoke, we began to stroll along the rocky shore of the lake. “You and me both. But if it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t be here at all—as a wolf or a man.” I glanced beside me at the man I so respected and witnessed his deep remorse at the reminder of those early days. “Not only did you save me, you helped me find myself—at least who I was on the inside.” “I was glad for the company.” He gave a half smile, not altogether comfortable with my praise. “Is this your doing? Are you the one who reversed the spell?” While he had not been present for my transformation, a part of me assumed he had been behind the magic. “The dark magic responsible for your change was not something with which I was familiar. I hunted for answers for many years without any luck. I’m delighted to see that, regardless of the cause, the spell has been undone.” “I suppose it will have to remain a mystery if you weren’t the one to remove the spell. I will be forever grateful all the same. However, some of us were not so delighted at my transformation back to manhood,” I smirked, recalling Morgan’s dash from the bed. “Ah, yes. Tell me, how is my Morgan?” “Prickly as ever,” I confirmed what he undoubtedly already suspected. He cast a dry glance at me, and we both chuckled. “Do you still want me to keep an eye on her?” I asked. “She was far less … receptive to my company when I no longer had fur and a tail.” “Please do. I feel it’s important that she is not alone during this time, and as you know, I cannot be gone from here for long. Morgan has known a great deal of loss in her life, and I can’t help but think companionship might profoundly affect her outlook.” My lips drew down with doubt, but I nodded. “She’s your family, and I’ll do what I can to help, for your sake.” My eyes slid over to the haunting woman in the water. “And Viviene? How is she?” I asked softly. The ancient man stared off toward his ailing love. “She’s well enough. Each day is like every other—no real problems or progress. She’s in there somewhere, but I cannot get to her,” he said with a sadness that knew centuries of heartache. “If your patience and kindness can’t reach her, I don’t know what else would. Not everyone can be fixed.” I didn’t want to hurt him with my words, but I hated seeing him trapped in a prison of his own making. At some point, he needed to accept his lover wasn’t coming back. He gave me a sad smile, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. “We all have our share of irrational pursuits. She may not be the same as she was, but she’s still my heart. Hope is not yet gone—look at what change a day has brought for you! Tell me, now that you are whole again, what are your plans?” he asked with genuine interest. “Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that. I have no memories of my life before the Red Caps—who I was or anything about my history. I was hoping you might know of a way to restore those memories.” Merlin slowed to a stop, hands casually clasped behind him, and gazed out over the lake like its far shores held the answers to all his questions. “The mind is an exceedingly delicate matter. It is one thing to suggest a memory or an image that was not there to begin with—to trick the mind into believing something that is untrue. It is entirely different to coax the mind into unveiling its own secrets. If I had the power to do that, I would have helped Viviene long ago. Unfortunately, I can’t uncover the parts of the mind that have retreated into obscurity. In all my searches, I found only one possible source of such magic.” “The cauldron,” I cut in wearily. “Yes.” Merlin’s fathomless eyes peered back at me. “I can only speculate that its restorative powers would work on the mind. It has long been my belief, but I have no concrete proof.” “I take it you’ve tried to obtain it?” “Oh, I have tried.” His lips pulled back in a humorless smile. “The ornery thing has a mind of its own. It only reveals itself to those with the purest of intents. While my desire to heal Viviene would doubtless be considered pure, I cannot fully suppress my inquisitive nature that would desire the cauldron for other purposes. I am afraid my intentions are too complex to be considered pure—as is the case with most who would seek its powers.” I sighed deeply, nudging a stone with my foot as I absorbed the implication of Merlin’s words. “If you couldn’t obtain it, I can’t imagine I would have any chance.” The air in my lungs became heavy with the realization I might never know who I had been. If one of the most compassionate men alive was not sufficiently ‘pure’ of intent, Morgan and I certainly had no hope of acquiring the cauldron. If Merlin believed it was the only possible way, I wasn’t about to doubt him. That meant my past was lost. Did I have a child out there? Parents? A lover? Had I been a part of the Court or a soldier? A farmer or a teacher? There was no way to know, and the realization was crushing. As a wolf, I had accepted over time that my life was no longer the same. Becoming Fae again reignited my need to know my past with a burning passion. Having that hope swiftly smothered was gut-wrenching. Drawing my attention from my pity party, Viviene descended into the water, gracefully disappearing beneath. After only a brief silence, she breached the surface with her head back, eyes closed, and her lips parted sensually. It was the most vibrant and alive I had ever seen her.