Something About Trevor

Chapter 2-1

Chapter 2

To say dinner was

uncomfortable would be an understatement. Trevor had seen straight man out of his element behaviour too many times to be amused by it. He’d lost

count of how often he’d played the game of touching the other

person’s knee and observing the reaction.

Usually the straight guy

struggled to work out if it was merely an innocent contact, or…But

Trevor didn’t want to try any of that with Paul. Not least because

Paul’s reaction could be to thump him. Trevor liked Paul. The man,

all six foot two of reasonably well-formed, but not overly bulging

muscle. His dirty blond closely-cropped hair. His light blue eyes.

And if that wasn’t enough, the man had dimples when he smiled.

Trevor had to shake himself. No, despite Paul’s evident physical

attractiveness, Trevor knew he wasn’t going to go down that road

again.

“Look,” Trevor set down

his sandwich. “Relax, will you?”

“What?”

“Paul.” Trevor shook his

head. “Yes, I am a gay man, which means I like men.”

Paul looked like he was

about to flee. Trevor imagined him running out of the house, his

hands moving swiftly between his arse and his wedding tackle, not

sure which was in greater need of protection.

Stifling a smile, he

continued. “But I’m not after you.”

Paul looked even more

panicked.

“s**t,” Trevor said under

his breath. He was supposed to be putting the bloke at ease, not

making the situation worse. Paul had barely taken more than a

couple of bites out of his panini, and if there was one thing

Trevor was uncomfortable with, it was wasting food.

“Okay, a bit of a history

lesson. All you never wanted to know about gay relationships, and

were too afraid to ask.”

“What? I—”

“Paul, it’s obvious you’re

uncomfortable with me. I thought we’d at least broken the ice over

the last couple of days, but I was wrong.”

“No, I—”

“Just listen.” Trevor took

a sip from his wine glass and began. “I’ve had two significant

relationships in my life. The first was with, well, I suppose you

could call him my childhood sweetheart. Gary was big, strong,

sporty, had muscles in all the right places.” Trevor could see,

despite himself, Paul was paying attention. “What was even more

special about Gary was that he cared. He knew I was somewhat

vulnerable back then and in need of, well…in need of a protector.

As I’ve told you before I’m an only child. How I wished I’d have

had a big brother who could look out for me, fight off the older

kids, stop them from teasing and…Mum and dad had me late in life.

She was forty-two when I was born. Dad died of cancer eight years

later. Mum never quite recovered.” Trevor knew he was wandering off

topic.

“Gary wasn’t just my

boyfriend, he was my big brother, my protector. All I am now, I

basically owe to him.”

“You, uh, you talk about

him in the past tense,” Paul put in.

Trevor sighed. “We were

together for, oh I don’t know, ‘cause it’s difficult to say when we

first became an item. He’d been a part of my life since I was about

seven or eight.

“He moved in next door

just before dad died. We soon were inseparable. We grew up

together, shared all our secrets. I’ll spare you the more intimate

details of what we did.” Trevor didn’t look up to see if Paul was

relieved. It wasn’t important.

“Then on 6 June 1991,

something, or rather someone, happened.”

“Huh?”

“I thought Gary and I were

it. However, knowing that Gary was bisexual caused me no end of

sleepless nights and…But Gary would always say he was with me and

that was that. But as I said, 6 June. Her name was Lisa

Threadgold.” Trevor tried to remain calm. “She took one look at

Gary and set her cap at him as my mother used to say.”

Paul nodded uncomfortably,

probably wondering what on earth Trevor was going on about.

“Within a couple of months

Gary would occasionally go out without me. You have to understand

we didn’t exactly live in one another’s pockets, but it was unusual

for Gary to sneak off without saying where he was going. I tried

not to dwell on it, though this was made more difficult because I

could tell Gary was ill-at-ease over something. I wanted to ask him

about it, but me being the chicken I was back then, didn’t ask,

just in case I didn’t like his answers.”

“Uh huh.”

“Eventually things grew so

bad that I plucked up enough courage to ask what was wrong. At

first Gary said I was imagining things. But I’m nothing if not

persistent. Gary then broke down and told me he found Lisa

attractive. They’d met a few times. Inside I was dying, but I held

things together. I asked Gary what he wanted to do. He said he

didn’t know. He loved me, but—”

Trevor closed his eyes.

Despite the passage of time it still hurt to talk about it. “He

stopped seeing Lisa. Things were okay for a couple of months, but

Gary went into a depression. I did everything I could to show him

that he was loved, that he meant the whole world to me.”

“But…Oh fuck.” Trevor

wiped at his eyes. “I’m not going to cry, I’m not.” Sniffing, and

regaining control, “It was the third of September. Funny how both

dates were also significant during the Second World War. Anyway,

the third of September. We’d gone for a walk. Something we often

did during the warmer months. Neither of us was well off. We didn’t

much care for pubs and clubs. Walking helped keep us fit. We walked

past a kids’ playground. I remember the leaves on the trees had

just started to turn. Funny the sorts of things you remember. There

were some kids playing on the swings. One little boy climbed up the

steps of the slide, but somehow got stuck. He started to cry. His

dad, who we hadn’t seen up until that point, picked him up and

comforted him.”

“I happened to look over

at Gary. His gaze was fixed on the dad comforting his son. I knew

then that Gary wasn’t cut out for the life of a gay, childless

man.”

“Couldn’t you, um, adopt

or whatever?” Paul asked, obviously taken with Trevor’s

story.

Trevor shook his head.

“Wasn’t really possible back then. And I think even if it was, it

wouldn’t have solved the main problem. So anyway, we got home that

night, and I told Gary I was setting him free. We argued, ended up

sleeping in separate beds. But…deep down we both knew it was the

right thing.”

“Lisa had met someone

else, but she wasn’t too happy with him. Within six months of Gary

moving out he was engaged to Lisa. About a year after that they

were married with a kid on the way. I got an invite to the wedding.

I went but couldn’t stay. I know it’s customary to cry at weddings,

though I don’t think the custom extends to ex-boyfriends of the

groom.

“Now and again I’d see

Gary around town pushing his daughter in her push-chair. We’d say

hello, but I needed to keep a distance, to, well, keep myself sane.

I’d just come out of the supermarket one day, trolley full of the

weekly shopping when I almost ran into a double-buggy thing. Gary

was there along with Lisa. His family seemed complete now he had a

son as well as a daughter. They, all four of them looked really

happy. I was polite. The obligatory questions about what we were

all up to were asked and answered. It was obvious Lisa didn’t know

how close I’d been to Gary. I was happy for him but not so happy

for myself. I’d just broken up with…well, more about that in a

minute. So I got out of there as quickly as I could.”

Trevor stared at his hands

which were folded in his lap. He too had lost all interest in the

toasted sandwich, which lay half-eaten on the plate in front of

him.

“I don’t know what to say,

other than I’m sorry,” Paul eventually said.

Trevor looked up at Paul,

touched by the man’s genuine concern. “Thanks. I didn’t see Gary

again, someone said they moved away. I think that was probably for

the best. After the park incident it took me over a year to pull

myself round, but I managed it. I started going to gay clubs,

finding men, just for casual…Well you get the idea. Eventually one

night stands grew boring and I set about finding something more

meaningful. But, well, that’s not so easy. Gary was a hard act to

follow.”

“Surprisingly fate did

strike again. Amazingly it was at the supermarket where I would

later see Gary and his family. As I did my shopping I got talking

with a couple of guys in their late teens. They’d just started at

university and were looking for somewhere to stay. Don’t know why I

was so impulsive, it’s not normally my nature, but because I got on

so well with them, I offered them my spare rooms. Uh, cutting out

all the gory details, we, well, uh, things developed between the

three of us.”

Paul’s eyebrows shot

up.

Ignoring this, Trevor went

on. “Neither Sam or Ollie were anything like Gary. That was good,

what I needed. In fact if anything I was more the protector, or at

least the home-maker. Both were a few years younger than me. Well

anyway, not long after they finished their degree courses, I—”

Trevor started wringing his hands. “I came home from work and—” In

a rush he said, “I came home and found them sitting on the sofa

together. They’d decided they wanted to be an exclusive couple.

Meaning goodbye Trev.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. Hurt like hell, I

can tell you. Though looking back on it now I suppose the writing

was always on the wall. Ollie and Sam had known each other for a

while before I came on the scene, both had gone to the same

schools. They were about five years younger than me, and…Well we

just weren’t as compatible as I pretended we were.

“I get a Christmas card

from them every year. They moved down to London, Ollie got a job

with the BBC, and Sam does something highly-paid in advertising.

They seem really happy together.”

“Oh Trevor. “

“They keep inviting me to

go down and stay with them, but I can’t. I’m happy for them, glad I

could be there to sort of bring them out into the world, but it

still hurts that I was cast aside.”

“I bet.”

“So, that’s my history.

I’ve been burned twice and am not interested in going through it

all again. Basically what I’m saying is I’m not looking to hook up

with, get my claws into, or however you want to put it, with

anyone. So you’re quite safe.”

Paul didn’t say anything

for a few moments. “Both Sandy and June told me that you were

lonely, and I suppose I misunderstood, and…Shit I’m sorry. Thanks

for telling me all that.”

Trevor smiled. “I want you

to treat this place as home while you’re here, and to do that you

need to be comfortable.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll try not to get too

enthusiastic about my need to be a homemaker. Though, having said

that, I’ll be running the washer tonight, so if you’ve got any

dirty clothes I’ll stick ‘em in with mine.”

Paul laughed, the tension

of earlier dispelled.

* * * *

“Be careful with that box,

I don’t want you breaking a fingernail or anything.”

“f**k off,” Trevor said

before hefting the large carton of LPs.

It was Saturday morning.

Trevor had offered to help Paul salvage what he could from his

wrecked house.

“Sorry.” Paul was smiling,

as was Trevor.

“When you said you had a

record collection, I didn’t think we were talking about a—” Trevor

groped for the right word. “A whole bloody vinyl

archive.”

“One of my few

vices.”

Trevor set the box in the

boot of Paul’s car and raised an eyebrow. Paul put down his own

box. “And what might these other vices be? Do any of these boxes

contain, uh, leather pants, motorcycle jackets or—”

Paul laughed. “Are we

talking about my vices or yours?”

Trevor had the good grace

to look sheepish. “A girl can dream.”

“Come on, there’s loads

more inside.” Paul turned away and went back into the

house.

Trevor stared after him.

At times he wasn’t sure what Paul was thinking. The bloke could

joke around, the fingernail comment being a good example. Then he’d

close up and want to change the subject. Trevor shook his head

before going back inside.

The place was in pretty

bad shape. The air was musty and damp. Trevor’s shoes squelched as

he walked across the sodden carpets. A thin layer of mud seemed to

coat everything.

Trevor found Paul staring

at something on the wall. When he got closer he saw it was a framed

album cover of The Beatles’ Sgt Pepper.

“Wow,” Trevor said in

awe.

“It’s signed.” Paul

pointed to a couple of signatures. Trevor was able to make

out Ringo and Paul.

“Do you ever play

it?”

Paul shook his head. “Too

precious. Got the music on CD though.”

Trevor bit down on the

first comment that sprung to mind. “Feel free to hang it in your

room back at my place.”

“Thanks.” Paul reached up

and reverently took down the picture frame and walked out of the

house with it.