Learning How To Fall

Who Am I?

"Who are you?I mean you are still dark in complexion ,your height has not changed that much and you still love the taste of pineapples and grapes.You still speak in the very same squeaky voice and you still walk the same but...who are you?The more I go into depths of who you are the more I get confused.I used to know this girl.Yes she was a bit more quiet than an everage person with little or no confidence of which she still is but then again she has changed so tell me really young lady,who are you?I am dying to know you,to meet you or atleast to find you if you are lost."

I utter these words to the reflection in the mirror as I silently hope it will respond because at this point I desperately need to who I am.I am taken back to the time I lost interest in the first boy I fell inlove with simply because I had found out the only reason he was interested in me was because he wanted to quench his s****l thirst for me.I was shattered,if it had not been the fact that I had promised myself that I would never cry over a boy I would have let out a very loud scream.I remeber the day vividly.I had just arrived from school and I realised I had missed two of his calls.I took the last money I had saved and bought airtime.I remeber how I used to feel when I saw his incoming call or anything that suggested I was about to hear his voice.It would be lIke my temperature was risng and then my heartbeat would pick up a rapid pace then that tingling sensation on my lower abdomen,it was scary.

I rush to Mohr's Supermarket and I buy airtime then I quickly load it into my phone.

"Hey gorgeous,how are you?",he respomds upon picking the phone.

"Hey,I missed your call..."I respond shyly and also trying to mask the tremble in my voice.

"I suppose you were busy..."That hypnotic voice says back to me and I just found it hard to breathe.

"I was at school,you know they do not allow us to bring our cellphones along for fear of distraction.",I explain.

"I understand,well I can tell our children will have successful parents.",He was studying Electrical Engineering at that time and I was still a grade 10 scholar.

"When is your next mestrual period taking place?",I lost it right there and then,all the respect I had for him,the future I saw with him and the the dreams but most importantly I lost my love for him.

"I do not see how that is any of your business."I responded and hung up.That was the last day he and I had a proper conversation.

It just hit me that that was going to be the story of my life,every man I come across was going to see me as a s*x toy.I could not take it especially from him.He was not about to use me for s*x and then jump on to the next thing he sees in a skirt ,It was just not going to be me,I mean I knew that he was a soccer player and all the girls were madly inlove with him and would easily give it away which was why he ended up mistaking ladies for a soccer ball and played them a great deal.For some stupid reason I thought it was going to be different with me,I thought he loved me but even at that I was not about to become one of the statistics so I had to let him go.I did not know how but I had to learn and that was one of the most painful lessons I had ever had to learn-The art of letting go....