CONTRACTUAL

What the hell is a vasectomy?

“So, Doctor Ted, what year did you graduate from medical school?” Johanna inquired.

He looked at her, shocked. He couldn't remember ever identifying himself as a doctor, but he didn't have the confidence to correct her now. He coughed uneasily and attempted to recall his graduation year. “Um… I… Err…" I graduated in 2016.”

Internally, he hoped she wouldn't steer the subject into medical territory. Ted knew little about medicine, except from the knowledge that Trace was a doctor. Johanna's eyes, on the other hand, glowed with enthusiasm. “Oh wow,” she exclaimed, delighted.

Ted tried to put on a phoney smile, but he couldn't help but notice Trace and Nelson speaking only a few moments before. But they were both gone now. His heart dropped a little as he realized he'd been left alone with Johanna, with no way out in sight.

Ted was deep in contemplation when he felt a tap on his shoulder and somewhat jumped. When he turned back, he noticed Johanna, who was beaming at him.

“I was saying that you look so young to have graduated in 2016,” she commented. “You must have been a medical wizard in school.”

Ted could only smile and nod, but before Johanna could say another word, a server approached their table and served them some light beverages. Ted was happy for the distraction and quickly found himself devouring the food.

But Johanna was unyielding, and her harsh voice quickly pierced through the café's quiet discourse. “Tell me all about it,” she demanded.

Ted gave her another astonished expression, attempting to put her off. “Tell you all about what?” he inquired, seeming to be innocent.

Johanna poured herself a glass of wine and sipped it slowly. “Your career,” she explained. “To begin, which hospital do you work at?"

Horror engulfed him as his mind searched in vain for a way out of this talk. He knew nothing about hospitals and didn't want to lie about it.

~~~~~~

Her boss had grown uncomfortably touchy as the evening progressed. He would occasionally push stray strands of hair off her face, caress her bare shoulder in laughter when a speaker said something amusing, and whisper in her ear suggestively.

She stood up, breaking away from his grip, and he looked at her questioningly. "I'm going to use the restroom," she said curtly, leaving the table.

Looking over her shoulder, she caught sight of him licking his lips hungrily, and she sighed. It was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~

Ted was feeling uneasy. He had never been good at hiding his emotions, and the casual look that Joanna was giving him only seemed to add to his annoyance. Didn't she see how uncomfortable he was with this whole conversation? He wanted to tell her the truth, but his mind lacked the mettle to do so. Instead, he found himself saying something he never thought he would.

"Coker Health Hospital," he said.

Joanna's face lit up with amazement, and she leaned in closer, as if she were about to share a secret. Ted's stomach started to churn, wondering why he had even told her the name of his father's hospital.

"C.H.H is easily the best hospital in the country, oh my God! I'm so honored to be sitting next to a staff of theirs," she exclaimed.

Ted was shocked at the reverence Joanna had for staff at his father's hospital. It was the first time he had felt at home since the discussion started, and the chatting flowed freely.

"So how is it like to practice at such a prestigious institution?" she asked.

Ted managed a small smile. "Well, you see, I can't say it's not been a great experience. The sheer size of our reputation makes you want to push yourself harder and harder to make sure your service is top of the bar and customers are satisfied."

The words spilled out of his mouth effortlessly. It was exactly what Trace had said to her uncle a few days ago when he had asked her a similar question. He felt surprised that he could remember and quote it word for word.

Joanna reeled with excitement and kept probing him. He fed her every twist and turn of Trace's career he could recall from memory. His mind was racing with the only prayer that Trace did not show up while he was taking credit for everything worthwhile she had done with her life as a doctor.

~~~~~~~

He picked up the glass of wine he had poured and savored the awe on her face as he drank. His eyes wandered through the large hall with gorgeously decorated round tables, hosting equally sophisticated people. He turned his gaze to the podium where a woman had replaced the man that was there earlier. He felt a little bit of embarrassment for the lady, who was apparently talking to a crowd of people that appeared to not care about what she was saying.

Suddenly, his attention was stolen by a nice red sequin gown that caught his eye. The lady who wore it was making her way hurriedly towards a passage that he guessed led to the restroom. The gown molded her body into a dreamy shape, and her bright red lipstick did wonders to accentuate the radiance and sheer beauty of her face. He had to catch his whistling before it came out, and scanning the crowd around the area, he noticed that the beauty had turned the heads of several men and not just his.

"If it were not for this stutter and shyness..." he murmured, his voice trailing off.

A sip of wine was no refuge from the sound of Joanna's sharp voice piercing through his thoughts. "So Doctor Theodore, would you advise a couple to have a vasectomy?" she asked.

He had initially wanted to smile and recount another highlight of Trace's career, but after the split second that it took his brain to process the question, his smile vanished, and he almost choked on the wine in his mouth.

"Uhm huh what's that?" he managed to say. If she did notice that her question had rattled him, she did not show it, instead she made it even clearer.

"A vasectomy. I and my husband were thinking of him having a vasectomy. I'd like to have your professional advice on that," she repeated.

His brain blanked out as he searched in vain for a way around this question. "Er... I need to use the restroom," he announced, rising abruptly and grabbing his iPad before rushing down the hallway.

This was the last medical convention or party or whatever Trace calls it that he would ever attend in his life! He clenched his fist, pacing as he pondered. If she knew Nelson would be here, then why the hell did she ask him to come with her?

He wandered aimlessly through the hallway, searching for the restroom. His adrenaline raced when he saw Joanna stand up, and he ran a few steps before ducking into the first door he could find. To his relief, it was the restroom.

Staring at himself in the mirror, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Despite the cool air conditioning, his anxiety had caused beads of perspiration to form on his forehead. He wiped them away with the handkerchief and then leaned over the sink, dropping his iPad beside it. He turned on the tap, cupping his hands under the running water. With one thought running through his mind, he muttered aloud to his reflection on the wall, "What the hell is a vasectomy?"