LOVING HER TOO LATE

CHAPTER 016

CHAPTER 016

Savannah's POV

I did not want to see her. Not really. I had to. I had to see her face to face and hear her say it. Not in letters, not out of the smug mouth of Ethan, not out of any other mouth. From her.

It was cool, almost refreshing, outside. It did not help to calm the fire in my chest. I was seething. Shaking. Not with nerves--with anger.

The cafe was hidden between a bookstore that was closed and a hair salon with broken windows. Old bricks. Faded sign. Nobody would seek us here. Perhaps that was the idea.

I opened the door. I was greeted by the aroma of burnt coffee beans and lemon-scented cleaner. Then I beheld her.

Elaine. My mother.

This was a typical afternoon sitting at a corner table. She was dressed in a soft pink blouse, a necklace I did not know, and a smile that was too hard. Her hair was fastened up. Her nails were impeccable. Like always.

As though she was not the cause of my not sleeping last night.

I saw it in her eyes. The c***k. The guilt.

I did not sit down at once.

“Why here?” I asked.

It is quiet, she said. Her voice was calm, her hand holding the cup shook.

Silence is good to keep secrets.

I sat opposite her. No hugs. No pretense of cordiality. Silence and all the weight between us. I unzipped my bag, took out the manila folder and plopped it on the table. It thudded.

Her mouth opened. I did not allow her to lie.

“Explain it.”

She did not touch the folder, but her fingers were hovering over it. Instead, she looked up at me. Her eyes cloudy.

“Savannah, please—”

No. Begin to speak. You assisted him. Ethan. And all this time. You knew.”

She gave a tremulous sigh. “Yes. I knew.”

Those words hit me in the stomach. Although I anticipated them, they took my breath away.

“How long?” I asked.

Since your father went away, she whispered. I did not know what to do. You were only a child. I was frightened. And Ethan... he walked in like he knew everything. He told me he could assist us. You.”

“Help us?” I laughed, and it was a broken thing. By dominating me? Telling me lies?”

I had not thought it would go so far, she said hastily. He simply... advised at first. Assisted in school, your profession.”

And you thought that entitled him to possess me?

She grimaced. It was not so.

It was just that way.

She glanced down. Her fingers at last opened the folder. Bank transfers. Legal papers. Photos. Everything connected with Ethan. Everything bearing her name somewhere. Her signature. Her approval.

She mumbled, I signed things I did not read. I allowed him to speak on my behalf. He told me it was to protect you. That you had things in your past that could damage your future should they be released.”

He meant control. That was what he desired.”

She nodded. And I gave it to him. I was afraid of losing you.”

So you gave me up instead.

Her shoulders collapsed. I believed I was protecting you.

“Safe?” I bent over. He exploited me. He was unfaithful to me. He deceived me. He broke me, and you stood by him.”

She shook her head. Not when I learned the whole truth. I left. I ceased to respond to his calls. I could not continue to act.”

Yet you did not tell me.

I knew you would hate me.

Now tears came down her cheeks. People were beginning to look around. I did not mind. Let them see.

You are right, I replied. “I do.”

She stretched out, took my hand. Hers was warm. Familiar. It was like ice.

I just wanted to save you.

I jerked my hand back. You do not defend a person by deceiving him. You simply leave them unprotected.”

She was crying now. Her body trembling. I am sorry, Savannah.

I stood. The chair screeched across the floor and the noise was louder than it should have been. Her screams did not deter me.

This alters everything, I said to myself.

And I went away.

The wind was blowing on my face outside, but it did not make me cool.

It was all topsy-turvy. My future, my past. Everything I believed was mine, my success, my freedom, my story, tainted.

I just walked, not thinking, just moving so I would not scream.

Elaine assisted him.

The man who broke me was assisted by my mother.

I paused in the street, my heart beating.

Now I was enlightened.

But what was I to do with it?

Let it break me?

Or burn it all down and begin?