LOVING HER TOO LATE

CHAPTER 2

SAVANNAH'S pov

While sitting in the taxi's rear seat I watch the city drift outside and place my fingers against my temples. Another hospital. Another visit. The hospital visit reminds me again about what my existence will never become. The rising nausea in my throat stems from more than just the car's jerky movements. It’s deeper than that.

I know what’s waiting for me there. Him. And her.

Hospitals have dominated the majority of Lillian's existence. Her fragility has been evident since childhood. Her body cannot tolerate a minor injury because a single scratch could thrust her into a life-threatening situation. And Ethan? From early childhood, Ethan stood guard over her as though his presence blocked all dangers. Our marriage had not yet happened and I had not yet committed the biggest mistake of my life when he had become hers.

I glance at my phone. My last message is still there, waiting.

The plan seems to be reinstated after all as I apologize. Are you still available?]

Sienna’s response came almost immediately.

[For you? Always.]

I should feel relieved. The feelings in my chest shouldn't be this painful and oppressive weight that restricts my breathing. I had asked for this. I completed the academic paperwork and attached my signature before organizing everything necessary. But now? Now, there’s something I hadn’t accounted for.

My hand rests on my stomach as I hesitate. Terrified.

A baby.

What does this change? Nothing. Everything.

I’ve endured many years in a marriage that lacked authenticity while trying to possess a love that was never meant to be mine. My long-awaited freedom appears as life delivers this unexpected challenge right to me.

Ethan won’t care. Announcing this to him means he will likely feel relieved when I depart. Lillian might request that he takes steps to prevent the baby from coming into existence. Maybe she won’t even have to ask.

I swallow hard as I hold the small envelope between my knees. Inside are two documents: Inside the envelope are my divorce papers along with the test results that validate what I already understand.

The taxi comes to an abrupt halt in front of the hospital while I release a sharp exhale. My stomach twists.

The ride was over. No more stalling.

I exit the vehicle and settle the taxi fare before proceeding into the building. The hospital building has an antiseptic smell that feels both hygienic and overwhelming. I know this place too well. I find my way to Lillian’s ward instinctively because I know it so well.

Fifth floor.

Ethan is already there, of course.

My steps become deliberate while I move closer with fingers gripping the envelope's edges. The sound of her voice through the door causes my breathing to catch.

“Ethan, I’m scared. Waiting for the result creates the most intense feeling of anxiety. Hold me.”

My stomach clenches.

My eyes can stay closed because I understand exactly what is happening inside that room. I can picture it perfectly. Ethan wrapping his arms around her. Whispering reassurances meant only for her.

He loves her. He always has. Five years of my life have been spent denying that truth as it stood in front of me.

My palm rests against the door surface which remains cool while my body stands motionless. The divorce documents seem heavier to me now than they did before.

I maintained the belief that my love for him would eventually make him love me back. I held onto hope that he would eventually look at me with the same affection he gives her. That maybe, I wasn’t a mistake.

But I was.

I take a deep breath.

It’s over. It has to be.

I straighten my back and grip the envelope tightly while opening the door. The door shuts with such a quiet click that I don't notice it until I have entered the room.

Ethan looks up, his eyes meeting mine. There’s no warmth in them. No concern. His eyes show me the same detached expression they've always had.

“You’re late.”

I force a small smile. “Traffic.”

I notice Lillian's eyes dart toward the envelope I hold before I spot the gentle upward twist of her lips.

“You brought them?”

I approach him with a nod but Ethan barely glances my way before he redirects his focus onto her.

"Don’t worry about being nervous Lily," he says softly while moving a lock of hair away from her face. The doctor indicated that the results would arrive shortly.

I stare at them, my stomach churning. It’s always been like this. They exist within their flawless little world while I stay behind in the background.

“Ethan,” I say, my voice steady. “We need to talk.”

His face shows no emotion as he finally turns to look at me. “Not now.”

“Now.”

Lillian sighs, giving me a knowing smile. “Savannah, can’t this wait? You always make things so dramatic.”

I tighten my jaw. “It can’t.”

Ethan exhales sharply, stepping away from her. “Fine. Say what you need to say.”

I hesitate. This conversation marks the first time in ages that I have control over the situation. I could tell him about the baby. I can observe his reaction and determine if he shows any care.

But I already know the answer.

Instead, I hand him the envelope.

He looks at it briefly before picking it up. I catch a glimpse of something flashing across his face but it disappears too quickly for me to identify.

“You asked for this so many times before.” I whisper. “Now, you have it.”

He doesn’t say anything.

Lillian, however, does. “Well, it’s about time.”

I let out a breathless laugh. Of course.

Ethan grips the envelope firmly while his eyes remain fixed on mine. His eyes reveal something transient that resembles hesitation for only a moment.

In an instant the emotion fades away and he gives me a simple nod.

“Good.”

One word shatters the final weak connection between me and my sanity. Turning away after a brief nod prevents Ethan from seeing my pain.

My feet carry me to the hallway as I begin to struggle for breath.

This is it. I should feel free. I should feel relief.

Instead, all I feel is empty.

I place my hand against my stomach while closing my eyes.

It’s just us now, little one. Just you and me.

I inhale hesitantly then I push my feet to walk forward.

My travel tonight will take me to a distant city away from Ethan Kingston and the life I wrongly pursued.

After five years I will finally move forward without looking back.