LOVING HER TOO LATE

CHAPTER 4

Chapter 4

SAVANNAH'S pov

The hospital door opens as I put out my cigarette on the trash bin's side.

As Ethan steps through the door his eyes find me in an instant. His lips press into a tight line. I understand his thoughts without him saying anything. He hates when I smoke.

At times he scowls and mutters under his breath. Other times he delivers lectures at me as if I am a reckless teenager who needs discipline. I watch him stand back from me as if my presence disgusts him.

How would his reaction change if Lily had the cigarette in her hand instead of me? Would he retreat and shake his head because she held a cigarette or would he move closer to join her in smoking?

“So?” His voice is clipped, impatient. One hand shoves into his pocket. His hand performs an uncertain gesture as he stands by waiting for me to make my point clear. His behavior towards me shows constant restlessness and irritation while he remains eager to leave.

I examine him as my eyes follow the sharp contours of his facial structure. At one time those same eyes showed warmth and contained something akin to kindness. But that was before. The burdens of life hardened and altered their appearance until they became unrecognizable.

With a snap of his fingers he forces me out of my thoughts.

I say "Sorry" before looking down and reaching into my bag. The papers of our divorce emit a crinkling sound when I retrieve them from my bag. I move them toward him but instinct suddenly takes control and I pull away.

His face contorts into a twisted expression while his eyes narrow with a hint of revulsion. My ears perceive his silent message before he says anything.

[I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.]

“I just—” My throat tightens. “I have one question before this. Just one. Please.”

As soon as my words escape my mouth I wish I could take them back. How do I even ask this? Would telling him about my pregnancy make any difference? Would he look at me differently? Would he stay?

Ethan sighs, exasperated. Your games waste my time Sav.

The window to ask slams shut. The lump in my throat disappears as I lift the folder gently. He grabs the folder from my hands with such speed that the paper edge cuts into my skin. I clench my hand into a tight fist while disregarding the pain.

He doesn’t even notice.

I observe him as he turns toward the door with his mind set on leaving because he believes this situation doesn’t hold significance. Like I don’t matter.

“I heard you.”

My own voice startles me. My heart pounds violently in my chest.

“You said you were married.”

Ethan freezes. Ethan slowly looks back at me while examining me as if I am delicate and pathetic. This situation requires delicate handling but will receive none.

I should let it go. I should just walk away.

But I don’t.

He declares he didn’t want to create false hope for her in a flat voice.

That’s it. That’s his explanation.

Not that he regrets it. Not that he meant it. He made this choice because he didn’t want to cause her pain. His decisions continue to revolve around her because she remains important to him.

Bitter laughter bubbles up inside me. I don’t even try to stop it.

His frown deepens. “What?”

“Nothing.”

I almost ask him—

Would you miss me? Even a little?

But I don’t. I can’t.

Can you send the papers to Sienna after you finish working on them?

He exhales sharply. “Why can’t you get them yourself?”

I plan to retrieve my belongings from your house today.

His eyebrows drew together which seemed to suggest he hadn't considered her possessions before.

I nod. I already did. I had a small suitcase containing only basic necessities. Everything else? Left behind. The things he had given me throughout time never belonged to me. All the dresses and necklaces along with every small item belonged to Lily before they became mine. I don't want to hold anything that reminds me of her.

Ethan’s jaw tenses. “What’s your plan after this?”

The question catches me off guard.

“Are you prepared to hear the truth?” I question him.

Maybe if he agrees I can muster the bravery to tell him about the baby.

Instead, he lets out a frustrated sigh. What makes it so difficult to have a conversation with you?

With a quick spin he begins to walk away.

My vision becomes blurred as I see his back vanish through the hospital doors. It’s over. For real, this time.

I’m sorry, Ethan.

I have to keep the baby news from you.

I retrieve my phone with shaky fingers to compose a message.

[Sienna, it’s done.]

Three words. Two attempts are needed before I can see the message clearly through my tears as I hit send.

Her response is immediate.

[Your ride’s downstairs, Your Highness.]

My steps waver as I crash into the car while the universe seems to shift beneath my feet. The relief I feel mixes with grief and overwhelming exhaustion in a single overwhelming moment. Sienna remains silent while allowing me to fall into her shoulder as my body shakes with muted weeping.

Ten years.

Ten years of loving him. Hoping for him. I have held on to something that never truly belonged to me.

And now it’s gone.

Just like that.

Sienna decides to break her silence only after we travel several miles away. I thought you wouldn't actually follow through.

I don’t respond.

She looks at me sideways while her fingers tap against the steering wheel. The news that you told me to call it off this morning came as no surprise to me. Not really. But then you changed your mind. What happened?”

From the window I watch the city fade as it moves by us. My hand drifts to my stomach.

I begin to speak softly, my voice submerged in a delicate whisper. “I’m pregnant.”

Sienna’s hands tighten around the wheel.

And just like that, everything changes.