Trigger King

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

A wedding is part of the family occasion that I always dread and it's going to be Gustave's wedding in two months. I was expecting the worst. I would see Padre's old friends, from different countries and continents. My father is half-Colombian and he fancies making friends with different nationalities that involve his business.

More friends. More connections. More money for our family.

"The Ricafortes will visit us," my father mentioned while looking at me. Faustino Ricaforte, the head of their family, is my father's closest associate. He has a filial son, Viktor Ricarforte, and the man that my father wanted me to get physically involved with--my body in exchange for Ricarforte's Mexican cartel connections.

Noong kinse anyos ako ang unang pagkikita namin ni Viktor, sampung taon ang tanda niya sa akin. Malaking lalaki si Viktor, matapang ang itsura at matalim ang mga salitang lumalabas dito. Just use your body, Gustave mentioned.

'Yon ang ginagamit niya sa mapapangasawa niyang si Delilah Antoquia, mula sa angkan ng mga politiko. Sampung taon ang tanda ng babae kay Gustave pero bulag-bulagan ang aking kapatid. Magpapakasal siya para sa koneksyon, para sa pamilya.

Dinner was the second family occasion that I hate--dinner is where Papa usually commands us like a puppet. Mama didn't look at me and my twin brother raised his eyebrows to say what he wanted me to say. Wala na akong takas, hindi na akong pwedeng magpatay-malisya sa gustong mangyari ni Papa.

"I'm preparing for it," I said in a whisper. My voice is so small. My father, Guerero Castellanos, lowered his utensils, and I embraced his discipline, as he would always call it.

When you answer, Cherry. Answer with dignity and pride. With conviction and not weakness, never ever sound like you're a pathetic person who isn't sure of what you're going to do. That's a weakness of Padre.

I looked down and my legs trembled as Papa quietly assessed me away from his table. Napakahaba ng mesang gawa sa Narra't nagsusumigaw ang marangyang disenyo nito sa gitna ng aming salas. Malaki ang aming salas nakabase sa disensyo noong unang panahon sa Europa.

Ang gumawa at nag-disenyo ng aming bahay ay isang arkitekto mula sa Italya. Gusto ni Papa na nalalaman ng iba na hindi lang kami basta mayaman. Na kami ang nakakaangat sa buong Pilipinas.

Our house was a semblance of an ancient Roman home, with intricate patterns and beautifully painted walls. It screamed opulence and grandeur. The humongous chandelier in the center of the room lit up the whole place as the paintings of different Colombian artists were placed on the wall too.

We have multiple rooms, inner courtyards, and spacious swimming pools. We also have a Mexican cellar which is intended to be a wine cellar. I know better than that the wine cellar is more than the place where my father collects his wine, it's the punishment place, the place where traitors meet their death.

Hindi pa ako nakakapunta roon at wala akong planong pumunta. Isa 'yon sa mga ugali kong sinusuka ni Papa. Wala akong sikmura para sa gawain ng aming pamilya at kahit kailan ay hindi ako magiging katulad ni Gustave.

Hindi gusto ni Papa ang pagiging mahina. Mahinang boses. Malamyos na wika o kahit ano pa man ang tawag mo diyan, hindi lambing ang katumbas niyan para sa kanila ni Gustave: isang kahinaan.

"I can't hear you, Cherry." Gumalaw ang upuan ng aking ina. Naglalaro sa aking isip ang kanyang mukhang nakiki-simpatiya sa akin, gustong lumapit pero hindi nito magawa dahil isa iyong kahinaan.

"Cherry, I can't hear you. Paulit-ulit na lang tayo sa bagay na 'to." Wala ng pasensya sa boses ni Papa, noong bata pa ako ay kaya pa niyang hindi pansinin ang mga galaw kong pang-mahina.

Malambot na boses. Nanginginig na mga tuhod kapag napapag-usapan ang mga mga salitang tapang at dugo. Tapang at dugo ang sinasambit nila bago patawan ng parusa ang mga tumiwalag sa pamilya o mga istupidong nagawang linlangin ang pamilya.

Marahas na mga hakbang ang aking narinig, galit na paghampas ng sapatos sa bawat baitang na tinatahak ng mga paang pumupunta sa akin. Hindi na ako nagulat pa nang hatakin ako pataas ni Papa sa aking kinauupuan, ang aking mga mata ay punung-puno nang pagsusumamo. "I can't hear you, Cherry."

Sa ikatlong pagkakataon ay inulit niya iyon at lumuha ako sa kamay niyang gumagapos sa aking braso. Nagpatuloy sa pagkain si Gustave, ang aking kakambal na animo'y walang problema, isang kaswal na lang na bagay ang nagaganap sa harap niya. Si Mama ay pinilit nilunok ang nakahaing inihaw na karne sa mesa.

Maraming pagkain pero nagkukulang ako sa enerhiya. Hindi ko ginawa ang hinihintay ni Papa, isang sagot na dapat ay puno ng paniniwala. Ako ang unang nag-iwas ng tingin sa aming dalawa dahil alam ko na ang susunod.

Isang sampal ang ginawad niya sa aking pisngi. Walang suminghap o nagalit sa kanyang ginawa. Gustave finally looked at me with a dead expression, and my mother swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Strength and conviction, Cherry. I want you to show that to Ricarforte. Kung kinakailangan na disiplinahin kita at pagmalupitan para lang maging malakas ka sa harapan niya ay gagawin ko, again, Cherry...I want to hear it."

"I will seduce Viktor Ricaforte and bring him to his knees," I firmly said. My father slowly widened his mouth in a triumphant smile because he won that battle for me. Sa kanyang isip ay nahigitan ko pa ang kanyang inaasahan, hindi ko lang paghahandaan ang pagkikita namin ni Viktor kundi aakitin ko pa siya nang lumakas ang aming pamilya.

Hinaplos ng aking ama ang aking kaliwang pisnging kanyang sinampal. Sa aking gilid ay nahagip ko ang mga mata ng aking kapatid na mayroong isang mala-demonyong ngiti. Isang ngiting nagpapakita na may ginagawa na rin akong tama para sa aming pamilya, na may silbi na rin ako't hindi lang puro pagpinta.

"Good job, Riri. For the family," huling sinabi ng aking ama. Unti-unti na akong lumulubog sa kumunoy, sa dilim na meron ang aking pamilya. Natatakot na ako na umabot ako sa puntong hindi na ako makaahon at tuluyan nang lamunin ng kadiliman.

+++

While other women of my age are busy talking about their boyfriends or planning their future careers. I'm busy painting people and places, how human beings move, how their faces twist in disgust and their eyes lift in happiness, and how they create chaos and love... and places, beautiful and serene places where I wished to live...and places where I want to escape and pretend that I'm not Cherry Ann Castellanos. Encounters with Gustave and Papa were a series of headaches. Good thing I have a diversion: painting.

Minsan ay gusto kong lumayo sa kanila. I told this to my mother... and she laughed, not in an insulting way. "At saan ka pupunta?" she asked lightly.

Alam ko na higit pa roon ang gusto niyang sabihin, saan ka pupunta na hindi malalaman ng iyong ama, Cherry? Everyone knows Guerero Castellanos, the politicians, socialites even business people know us... we don't owe them anything and my father would proudly say: They know us, it's not because we owe or admire them, Cherry... they know us because they fear the Castellanos, Cherry.

"This is the dress that you will wear, Riri." My mother said and her lips curled into a forced smile that I swore almost looked like a snarl. Hindi sa malaswang damit nayayamot si Mama, nayayamot siya sa ideyang dumating na ang panahong kailangan kong gampanan ang pagiging unica ija ni Guerero Castellanos.

Magpagamit para sa pamilya. Para sa pamilya, pilit kong tinatatak sa aking utak. Natatakot na umabot ako sa puntong mawalan na ako ng magandang rason para manatiling parte ng pamilyang Castellanos.

Umupo ako sa aking kama na kulay asul, kamang kasinlaki ng higaan ni Queen Elizabeth. Ang aking kwarto ay nagsusumigaw ng aking personalidad--isang malaking bookshelf na mayroong iba't ibang romance novels at isang galaxy painting sa taas ng kisame. My eyes didn't follow the provocative dress that Mama was holding, instead I was busy thinking of the possible theme for my art.

"Is this my purpose in life?" naitanong ko. Mama shot me a hopeless gaze, her eyes opaque black and lifeless with my question. Tinaggap niya na ang kapalaran namin sa mundong 'to.

"When you get older, you will realize that there are some things that aren't for you." But I know that it wasn't like that for her and me. I'm forced to give up things and it's as if I don't have any right to have the things that I want unless the family requires it.

"Do it, Cherry." Mama didn't say any more words. For the family, Riri, though Mama didn't say it.

Alam ko na iyon din ang gusto niyang sabihin. "Of course, for the family." Humiga ako sa kama at tiningnan ang kisame ng aking kwarto, kumikintab ang malaking chandelier sa taas, napakaliwanag pero napakadilim ng aking buhay.

Sa edad kong bente ay nakabase na sa relasyong mabubuo kay Viktor Ricaforte ang aking halaga. Lumabas ng kwarto si Mama, naramdaman ang mabigat kong dinadala. Hindi siya nagtanong dahil isa iyong kahinaan.

Nakatulog ako sa isiping kailangan kong akitin si Viktor. It wasn't as easy as Gustave would tell me. He told me to just open my thighs and let Viktor have a taste, not too much but not too little.

Akala ko'y hindi ko na kakasuklaman pa si Gustave. Pero iyon na ata sa lahat ng sinabi't ginawa niya ang nagpawala ng katiting kung respeto sa kanya. I was so drunk with hatred, I could almost feel myself getting enough courage to move away from them.

+++

Napakalaki kong tanga nang inakala ko na ang dinner naming mag-pamilya na ang pinakamalala kong mararanasan ng araw na iyon. No, it was actually the engagement party before Gustave's wedding. I had this remarkable feeling of hate and disgust as moments passed by at our table.

"Oh, Little Castellanos isn't so little anymore." Viktor's father told me. His eyes were a mixture of lust and as he licked his lower lip, I had to stop myself from flinching—weakness. It was a weakness, so I had to remember that, since my father was very adamant that I should not have entertained Viktor Ricaforte.

He was sitting beside me, a bulky man with great muscle and a dull personality. The dress that my mother showed me earlier was what I wore for the party. It was so skimpy and I had no choice but to wear the little thong that Mama gave me.

The deep red dress accentuates my slim body and it has a deep v-neck that shows the full amount of my cleavage. Mas interesado pa sa dibdib ko si Viktor kaysa sa kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Men are so predictable sometimes, they crave something that will satisfy their filthy desires.

Naamoy ko ang napakatapang na pabango ni Viktor. It hurt my nose but I needed to smile and maintain my flawless composure. I may hate my family's dirty business, but I didn't want to create any more scenes. I had enough of my father's slap at dinner earlier. It was almost midnight and if I had a choice, I would rather waste my time painting than enduring the s****l gazes of two hungry Ricafortes.

"I didn't know that your daughter would be this...appealing." Muling nagkomento si Faustino nang hindi ko pansinin ang kanyang lantarang pagpapahayag ng sekswal na interes. Viktor didn't make a comment about his father's dirty mouth.

"Viktor is a lucky man," Papa simply commented. Naramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Viktor sa aking beywang. Ang mainit niyang katawan ay pinapaso ako sa realidad na walang-wala na akong takas sa kadenang gagapos sa akin.

"Truly, I can't wait to have her in our house," nakangising sabi ni Faustino. Parang masusuka ako sa kanyang sinabi. Nagtinginan kami ng aking ina't agad siyang nagbawi ng tingin.

She knows that it was more than excitement. Something morbid was lurking in Faustino's words which made me more convinced that I should not get involved with them. "You smell so good," Viktor murmured in my ear.

I looked at my father and he just sipped his wine while talking about business to the other men at our table. Karaniwan ay hindi niya gusto na makipagkaibigan ako sa mga lalaki o kahit kanino na hindi naman namin kalebel. Lahat ay may problema sa kanila, lahat ng posible kong maging kaibigan ay nakikitaan nila ng mali kaya sa bandang huli ay hindi nga ako nagkaroon ng kaibigan o nobyo.

I timidly smiled at Viktor. Kapag kinuha ko ang kanyang kamay sa aking beywang ay hindi iyon magugustuhan ni Papa. Si Mama ay punung-puno nang pakikiusap ang mga mata, gustong sabihin na tiisin ko pa at para sa pamilya kaya ko 'to ginagawa.

"Thank you, you smell good too," humalakhak si Viktor at sinubsob ang kanyang mukha sa aking leeg. Ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita at kung makahawak siya sa akin ay parang pag-aari niya na ako. No, Cherry, my mind contradicted.

Silly girl, you're just a meat that he wants to taste. Mabuti pa si Gustave ay preskong-preskong nakikipaglandian kay Delilah. Napakatibay ng sikmura ni Gustave, napakakapal ng kanyang maskara animo'y mahal niya talaga si Delilah sa bawat haplos at halik na ginagawad niya sa mukha into.

But the thing about pretending is that you get tired, and I'm getting tired...but Viktor didn't care about that. Most especially my family. I learned a lot about personality development classes when I was young, how to sit like a proper lady, and how to laugh even as simply as dressing up.

I learned different languages and skills that would help me advance in this world. I was homeschooled and didn't experience the highs of college life and the main focus of my parents, especially my father, was for me to be equipped to deal with different people and men, to impress them so that he could use me to manipulate them. Hurt ricocheted in my system the moment I smiled at Viktor and tried my very best to relax in my seat.

I was kept and now bargained to the highest bidder—to the man whom I could satisfy. "I bet you taste good too," his words inked with so much lust that I couldn't contain myself. He grabbed my hand and under the table, he led it to his growing adulthood.

Gustave caught my sad eyes and he didn't say to Viktor to go and f**k him. No, Gustave just continued romancing his future wife while Viktor guided my hand to massage the top of his covered c**k. Cherry Ann Castellanos, had no access to my freedom.