The Lies you Tell

Julian

I sat on my couch after work, staring at my phone as if a message would just magically type itself up. I mean, what was I supposed to say?

‘Hey sorry but I thought it was Jasper he dropped of my car so I thought I was talking to him this entire time but I totally think you’re hot and am so happy that this whole time I thought I was flirting with Jasper it was actually you. Can we go out?’

“This is so stupid,” I sighed in frustration before getting up and walking around my living room. I sat back down with an audible huff and typed out a message to send before I could chicken out.

Hey do you want to go to dinner with me?

When there wasn’t a response for a minute I was tempted to text again and explain the situation. I left my phone on the coffee table and went to the bathroom, wondering how I could occupy my mind until he texted back. But what if he didn’t text back? Luckily by the time I got back to the living room, there was a text message from him. 

Like as a date?

Yes

I waited impatiently for a response. 

You’re asking me on a date? 

Yes

What if he thought I was being shallow? What if he thought -

Well in that case, yes

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and a slight laugh at his repetition of our earlier conversation. 

How about tonight? 8 o’clock?

Works for me. I’ll pick you up

I put down my phone and physically relaxed. 8 o’clock. I could do that. I would just study until then. And maybe freak out about not knowing what to wear. I picked up my phone and called Sophie, needing some girl-to-girl advice. 

After I told Sophie everything that happened since we left the club Friday night, especially because she was so drunk she browned out, she gave me some advice and Facetimed me to pick out a dress. I studied until six and then I started to get ready while watching a few episodes of friends. I had on a short spaghetti-strapped, black dress with black stilettos and a cute black purse to go with it. My hair was its naturally straight and I had very little makeup on. When I got a text from Ian saying he was there I grabbed my stuff and a blue jean jacket before heading out. 

A sleek black car was pulled in front of the apartment, much like the one Jasper drove the other day except this one looked more like it came from a sci-fi movie. Ian stepped out of the car and moved over to open my door for me, giving me a chance to gauge his outfit. He wore black jeans, shoes, and a black jacket over a white shirt that all tied together really nicely. He even had a pair of black shades on that covered his brown eyes. 

When I got into the car I buckled and Ian started to drive. I didn’t really know what to say and seeing as though I didn’t know if Michael had already said anything, I didn’t know where to start. 

“Michael stopped by my work this morning,” I offered. Ian gave me a short glance but added nothing so I continued. “He was asking about why I canceled our date.” Ian sighed but it lacked any warmth. 

“Michael is a strange guy. Is that why you wanted to go out?” He asked in a toneless voice. 

“No,” I answered, realizing that maybe Michael hadn’t told him yet. “We were talking and well I canceled because I thought I was messaging Jasper.” Ian gave me a short glance but otherwise kept driving. “The note you left me… I thought it was a J, not an I that was signed. I canceled because I thought it was him.” Ian was quiet for a minute before he spoke, his voice still lacking any tale-tell sign of emotion. 

“Would you have preferred he left you the note?” He asked. 

“No,” I said without skipping a beat. I looked over and offered him a genuine smile though I knew he probably couldn’t look while driving. “I’m glad it was you. Really, really glad.” 

“Good,” Ian nodded. We drove for another minute or so in silence before Ian parked and moved over to my side to open the door for me. 

“Thank you,” I smiled as I stepped out. “Is this where we’re going?” I asked, looking at the building in front of us. He handed his keys to a parking tenant who gave him a card to hold onto. 

“Yes,” he answered. He placed his hand on the small of my back before guiding me forward, the action simple in itself but making me feel a lot more than just simple emotions. “Reservation for two,” Ian spoke. “Under Esme Beaumont.” I wondered why he put the reservation under my name, but I didn’t question it. We followed the waiter to a table in the back of the room where Ian took the seat against the wall after pulling my chair out for me. He pulled off his sunglasses and I relished in the brown eyes that were now looking me over. 

“You look very handsome,” I offered with a small smile. 

“And you look very beautiful,” he said, his eyes caught on my lips. I felt my heartbeat quicken and suddenly there was water for me to distract myself with. I read over the menu and ordered food with Ian before they took our menus away. “How are your wrists,” he nodded towards me. 

“Well just one wrist is bruised, but they’re clearing up. I covered it with concealer Friday and tonight. My knuckles are doing a lot better.” I lifted my hands up to show him and he nodded. Something about Ian seemed off… different than when we were dancing together at the club. But that could have been the drinks talking. 

“Where did you grow up, Esme?” Ian asked. I let out a nervous laugh at the question, seeing as though questions about home always made me nervous. 

“Uh, in a small town not too far from here,” I lied. I didn’t know why I lied, but I felt the need to correct myself as soon as I said it. But I didn’t. I let it sit out in the open and swelter. 

“And where was that town?” I laughed a nervous laugh again, wondering for a moment if Ian worked for my mother. I had no idea who was on her payroll.

“Isn’t it my turn to ask a question?” I asked and started before he could say anything. “Where did you grow up?”

“In a small town, also not far from here. What high school did you go to?” 

“Shouldn’t you be asking me what my favorite colors are or something like that?” I was nervous. Ready to sweat bullets at any second. 

“Okay then,” he leaned back and crossed his arms. His face was almost emotionless… aside from the glare. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue-baby blue. What’s your favorite color?”

“Red. Why did you move out here?” 

“For school.”

“But why this school? Why this city?”

“It’s my turn-”

“Just answer the question,” Ian ground out. I was taken aback by his attitude all of the sudden and wondered if a date was a bad idea. 

“I… I didn’t like the college in my hometown. I… I’m going to freshen up.” I left the table and made my way to the bathroom, so flustered that I forgot to take my purse with me. As soon as I was in the bathroom and I looked up at the mirror and let out a shaky breath. Who the hell did he think he was? Getting angry like that with me for no reason? What kind of temper flaring jerk does that? I grabbed a papertowel and dabbed my eyes. I was so emotional during my time of the month. 

“It’s whatever,” I shrugged into the mirror. “I’m stronger than stone,” I repeated to myself. When I felt as confident as I looked I went back and sat at the table across from Ian. 

“Do you feel better?” He asked with a condescending tone. 

“Much,” I almost snapped. Almost. The food came out seconds later, allowing me to change my focus for the moment. But Ian didn’t move and instead kept his eyes glued onto me. “Are you going to eat your food?” I asked with a small smile. He was really starting to creep me out at this point. 

“Do you know who I am?” Ian demanded suddenly. I shook my head slightly, wondering if this guy was actually psycho. Of course I would get stuck on a date with a maniac. 

“You’re, Ian… we met at the club…” What should I do when someone starts acting weird. Ian rolled his eyes and gave me a grin that help everything but happiness. 

“Are you that stupid, Esme? Look at me, you know me,” he demanded. “I’m Julian. Julian Hartworth.” I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what type of joke he was playing. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Look at me, Esme,” he demanded. And I did. I looked at his jaw, which was much more pronounced and sharpened than it had ever been. And his face, proportional and skin that was clear. His eyes brown but hardened as though he had seen too much. He didn’t look or sound like the Julian I knew at all. He seemed… totally different. 

“How do I know you’re not lying?” I suddenly asked. What if this was a sick joke my mother was playing? What if she found out where I was? 

“Ask me anything,” he shrugged. I thought back to something only Julian would know and remembered the little scene I had just had in the bathroom. 

“Whenever I would get upset Julian would talk to me. He would say-”

“You’re stronger than stone,” he finished. He scowled at me, still angry at something I couldn’t quite place. 

“What color dress did I wear to prom?” I demanded, suddenly feeling my heart beat quicken. 

“Red,” he said before letting loose a smirk that did wonders to my nether region. “My favorite color,” he added. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. There were pieces of Julian in the way Ian smiled and in certain parts of his face. But I would have never guessed that they were the same people. 

“I… Julian?” I shook my head trying to wrap the idea around the fact that Julian-Julian Hartworth was in front of me. Someone I thought I’d never see again in a million years. And he was sitting in front of me as my date. “I thought I would never see you again,” I thought aloud. 

“I knew I’d see you again one day,” he smiled. But it was a very sad smile. “On the front of some magazine or modeling for a top brand. I would never expect you to have fallen so low,” he finished. I grimaced at his last words. 

“I… I didn’t want to do that anymore,” I explained. “I wanted to go to school, to do something different.” 

“You don’t seem any different than you were years ago.” His words cut deep. His glare cut deep. But his words cut really really deep. “But I didn’t ask you here to revel in why you turned out the way you did,” again the words hurt, “I asked you here to ask you about that night. Prom night.” I tried to clear my voice without making a sound. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“Don’t play with me, Esme. Prom night of our senior year. You remember what happened.” I shook my head. 

“No, I really don’t. I was pretty wasted that night and so were you-”

“Esme-”

“I’d like to go home,” I suddenly said, my voice wavering slightly at the end. I cleared my throat, this time not caring to hide the sound. I looked back down at my plate of uneaten food and felt that my appetite had long since left the building. “I’d like to go home,” I repeated. I heard Ian-Julian sigh before pulling out some money and laying it in the center of the table. I would have paid for my own food if I wasn’t so angry with how everything went. How he treated me. How he was badgering me with these questions. I quietly followed Ian out of the restaurant to where the valet boy stood. He took Ian's car and disappeared for a moment while I stood silently behind Ian. Ian’s car pulled around and I moved to open my door by myself, not wanting any of his help or even attention. 

I could tell Ian was also upset but I didn’t care to talk to him about it. I imagined things going differently if I ever ran into Julian again. Much differently. Ian dropped me off at my apartment and wordlessly I got out and closed the door behind me. When I got into my apartment I started digging around the desk in my room, searching for the envelope. Eventually, I moved onto my closet and searched there until I came across a shoebox in the back of my closet. I opened it and found two letters, one from Julian and one from me. I opened his letter and read it again, wondering where it went so wrong. Wondering how he ended up so different. And wondering why I was still the same scared little girl. 

Dear Esme,

I’ve thought this over several times in my head. I’ve thought it when we sat in the same class, when you messaged me in secret when we passed each other in the halls when we were at the pool over the summer. I’ve thought this over several times and I wanna know what you think. 

In another life do you think we could have been friends… or more?

-Julian

I sat on the floor against my bed and cried. Not just for losing my friend and finding out he now hated me, but for my parents. The life I left behind to change myself and then end up the exact same person. I cried for it all.