What was long lost

Arya

Arya didn't know why she had it. One moment she had felt angry at him and the next she looked at him, and she felt like they were slipping away from each other. She couldn't lose Jon. Jon was her home, Jon was the only person with whom she felt like she belonged and when she looked at those familiar eyes and found anger, sadness, pain and confusion all directed at her, her head had stopped working and her instincts took over. She had kissed him.

She knew her past would come between them. But how could she tell him all that had happened? All those people she killed. As she laid on her bed, she wondered if not telling Jon the truth was going to be harder than telling him.

She rolled from one side of the bed to the other. There were so many things to be taken care of. Jon, Jaqen. And Aegon, that bloody prince.

Arya sighed. Jon said that Aegon wanted to marry her, and she knew he wouldn't lie about this. But what he said after... no. Arya didn't lay with Aegon. She had only met him once and hadn't even thought of him after that... well, maybe once or twice.

*******

The girl was taking a big risk, she knew. But she couldn't lose this chance.

Jaime Lannister hadn't been on the list she had made years ago, but now he was. He had killed someone close to her, and she had learned of something he had done all those years ago. She would make him pay. By giving him the gift.

She walked into the cells silently. It was the middle of the night and the guards were asleep. One moved when she walked past him and she stilled, but his breathing turned even again and he started snoring softly. She reached the cell at the farthest corner. She glanced through the door and saw the Kingslayer lying on the floor. He was not fully asleep, she could tell, as his breath came unevenly.

She saw the key in the hands of the guard. But as she tried to take it, his eyes shot open and he quickly unsheathed his sword and opened his mouth to shout. But Arya put her hand over his mouth and pressed. The guard stumbled backwards as she jumped on him.

"I will give you anything you want, just give me the key," she whispered in his ear. The guard still struggled and tried to shrug her off, the sword in his hand falling on the floor with a loud sound.

Arya's eyes widened.

"Money, I'll give you money. As much as you want," she said frantically, "the others are coming, tell them it's all right, and make them go away."

She got off him in one swift move and picked up the sword from the floor, pressing it to his neck.

"Now!"

The guard did as she said. When the footsteps faded, Arya took out a dagger from her breeches and plunged it slowly into the guard's upper thigh. He fell on the ground and tried to open his mouth but couldn't move.

"Don't worry, you won't die. Just paralysed," she said and took the keys from him.

She quietly opened the door and stepped inside. She took Needle out and placed it on the Kingslayer's throat.

Jaime Lannister opened his eyes slowly and stared at her. She was surprised he didn't scream or shout. His hands and feet were tied in chains.

"Why?" He asked, almost calmly.

"You killed Gendry Waters," she said, "he was my friend."

"People die in war all the time, girl. I had to kill your friend or he would've killed me."

"You're gonna die now anyway," she said, pressing the blade closer.

"It doesn't matter really, they are going to execute me anyway. Tomorrow. The day after," he said.

"Die, Kingslayer!" She plunged the blade through his neck. Blood gushed out and he fell to the ground writhing.

"This is for Gendry and for Bran." She said and Jaime's eyes went wide. He coughed out blood till the floor was red and life had left his eyes.

"Valar morghulis." Arya whispered.

She was making her way back when she heard whispers above her and stopped.

"I'll go from here," a voice said.

"But, your Highness..."

She heard the footsteps coming towards her and took her dagger out. She waited a while then the sounds ceased. She walked forward and suddenly someone pinned her against the walls, making her dagger slide away from her hand and fall on the floor.

She saw the man leaning closer to her as he whispered,

"What's a girl doing in the cells? You shouldn't be here."

"Let me go! " she shouted as she struggled against him. Her hands went to her hip to take Needle but he stopped them midway.

"Fiesty little thing you are!" He said, "now tell me, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I am no one! Let me go, you ass!"

He laughed and he pinned her more tightly to the wall. Their positions made Arya's face come more in the light and suddenly his smile faded.

"You look so much like someone I know."

Arya looked at him strangely.

"Your eyes are the same," he went on, "and your hair. You must know him, his name is Jo-"

Arya swiftly wrung herself free from his grasp and attempted to run, but he caught her again, this time her back to his chest.

"You just don't stay in place, do you," he whispered close to her ear and she shivered. She could feel his breath on her neck. He slowly traced a line on her throat with his finger.

"Who are you?" He asked again.

"Arya Stark."

She felt him still and slide away from her lightly and she took the chance and punched him in the stomach. Before he could stop her, she was out of his reach and running up towards the castle. Her heart kept throbbing in her chest. She had just killed the last man on her list but the encounter after that had left it's own imprint on her mind.

*******

Arya walked to the room Jaqen was in. His eyes were closed and he slept peacefully. She went to his side and sat on the edge of the bed. She started stroking his hair, running her fingers softly through them.

"Lady Arya?"

The Maester came in and Arya stood up.

"Is he healed?" She asked.

"Not fully. I've given him the milk of the poppy. He will be conscious soon. Would you disagree if I give him more of it? His wounds may hurt if he wakes up now. If he sleeps for another day or so, they will heal. Not completely, but still," he said.

"Whatever you feel proper, Maester Correl. Just make him heal."

"I'll try my very best, My Lady."

Arya nodded and left the room. 'I need to see Jon,' she thought. She knew it would be awkward, but she had to speak with him. After the events of the day before and Jon's reaction, she knew he was ashamed. She wanted to tell him he doesn't have to be. She kissed him. Not the other way around. Thinking about it made her stomach flutter in a strange way. Being so close to Jon, feeling his lips on hers, it was some kind of consolation. Immoral as it was, Arya felt nervous when they kissed. The guilt only came after that look on Jon's face. That look that told her he was afraid and ashamed. Arya felt like her heart would break if Jon kept looking at her like that, pulling away from her as if she was some kind of mirage he wasn't willing to believe in.

But she was interrupted by Sansa who one moment was in front of her, and the next pulling her off to her chambers.

She closed the door behind them.

"Sansa, what-"

"The Prince wants to marry you! Arya! Why didn't you tell me he loves you!" Sansa exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"Slow down, Sansa," Arya sighed, "he does not love me. We only met once."

"But he wants to marry you!" She repeated.

"Doesn't mean he'll get what he wants," Arya grumbled.

"You'll reject him?"

"Yes!"

"But Arya," Sansa spoke in astonishment, "he is the Prince! Aegon Targaryen! The Queen's nephew! You cannot reject him."

"Let's see if someone can stop me," Arya challenged.

"But... I thought you like him. He must be sure of your affections if he has decided to come all this way."

"I do not love him, Sansa," Arya said, "falling in love is something I am not capable of."

Sansa looked at her and took her hand.

"If you do not want to marry, no one will force you. I have experienced marriages without love, political marriages. You will not marry for anything other than love, Arya."

"Who says I will marry at all?" She asked.

"You will have to, someday." Sansa said smiling.

"I told you, Sansa. I am not capable of falling in love, or marriage, or children or anything of that kind. The only love I feel is for my family, and that too occupies just a tiny piece of my heart. The other parts are full of hate," she whispered, "and I do not think there is such a man on Westeros who can erase all of that."

"I hope there is, Arya. And I hope you'll find him. Love comes easier than hate, you just have to let it."

Arya smiled a little and Sansa kissed her cheek.

"I only wonder," she smiled, "whose side Jon would be on. Yours or his brother's."

Arya's smile vanished and her earlier tension resurfaced. Jon.

"I don't know...," her voice became soft.

"Arya? What is it?" Sansa asked softly.

"Nothing, Jon and I just had a fight."

"It's alright. I do not think the two of you can be separated for long. Fate seems to pull you both to each other. You know, I'd never seen him as much happy as he was when you came back. It was as if you brought his laugh back with you."

Arya's eyes felt hot. 'No, no, no, I cannot cry.'

"I should go, Sansa, I have something to do."

Sansa smiled and nodded,

"And I should too. Even if he's not going to be my brother-in-law, Aegon is still coming."

Arya searched for Jon everywhere, but couldn't find him. She asked the men and the servants, but everyone said they hadn't seen him that day. After an hour, she had looked almost everyone he could have been, until there was only one place left.

As soon as she entered the crypts, she knew she was right. She saw a man holding a candle, standing near her aunt's tomb. She walked to him with light steps, not wanting to disturb him. When he was within arm's reach, she slowly put her hand forward until it met his and he stilled. She intertwined their fingers and stared at him. He was facing way from her but somehow she thought he knew it was her. She put her other hand on his back and leaned onto him.

"Jon," she whispered softly, not wanting to disrupt the sacred silence.

"Will you ever forgive me, Arya?" He asked, his voice mumbled by evident pain.

"If it is about forgiveness, it is I who should ask it of you."

He turned around without letting go of her hand. He put the candle down and brought his hand to cup her face. He inhaled deeply.

"You cannot blame yourself," Arya whispered.

"But it is wrong. So, so wrong." Jon leaned and put his forehead against hers.

Arya's hand moved of their own accord and touched the scar on his cheek. Her body seemed to listen to its own wishes these days.

"Where did you get this?" She asked.

Jon closed his eyes,

"A bird."

Arya chuckled.

"Have birds started to get the better of you now, Lord Snow?"

Jon smiled but before he could say anything, Arya pulled herself up on her toes and kissed his scar lightly, lingering on the spot. 'No, not again!' her mind cursed. But she didn't pull back. She didn't know what was wrong with her and why she craved being close to Jon so much. She heard Jon take a deep breath.

"Arya...," Jon's warned.

She clutched his shirt with her hand. Jon grabbed her waist and pulled her away from him.

"What are you doing...," his voice came low.

She didn't reply, just stared. Arya didn't know what was happening. Her heart seemed to flutter, her body felt hot and she couldn't tear her eyes away from Jon. She knew what she was thinking and feeling was wrong. Her mind went to the kiss they shared and she was so ashamed at the fact that she wanted to try it again.

Jon was staring at her as well. In the dim light, Arya saw that his pupils had diluted and turned black.

"I want to touch you, I don't know why," she whispered.

Jon took her hand and put it on his cheek.

"Closer...," her voice was low and hoarse.

Jon leaned in closer and Arya's breathing quickened. She closed her eyes and stood still. Jon slowly breathed on her neck and she tilted her head back slightly. His lips met her skin once before he pulled away.

"You don't know what this is doing to me," he said.

"We should go," Arya said. 'Before we do something we regret again,' she thought.

Jon suddenly pulled her to his chest. Arya held on to him tightly, as if this single embrace was enough to make her worries disappear. But it wasn't. These feelings that were surfacing in her heart for Jon were so wrong yet they felt strong. Somehow... calming.

He nuzzled his head in her neck and Arya clutched tighter. This was how they had met after she returned. But this time, it felt different.

They pulled away and Jon whispered,

"You go on, I'll stay for a while."

Arya looked at him then at Lyanna Stark.

"She is beautiful," she said.

"Yes."

Arya nodded at him and walked out of the crypts. She fisted her hands to her sides. Jon wasn't really her brother, but they had grew up together as siblings. How could she forget that? Arya felt disgusted at herself.

Her head needed to clear. She decided to go to Jaqen, to see if the Maester had given him the milk of the poppy yet. 'If he hasn't, maybe I'll tell him to heal him some other way,' she thought, 'I need to talk to Jaqen.'

But as soon as she entered the room the bed was empty.

"Jaqen?" She asked aloud.

"A girl should close the door," a voice came from beside her. Jaqen was standing behind the door. Arya did as he said and closed the door.

"Thank heavens, Jaqen you are okay. After what the Maester said, another-"

Her voice was cut off when he came into her view. He had a dagger in his hand.

"A man is sorry, lovely girl," Jaqen whispered, "a man has served the Many Faced God for years. Long before he met a girl. He must serve still. A girl has broken her vows. She must pay."

Arya's eyes widened. She quickly went to the other side of the room. She searched the bed and the table.

"There's no other weapon in the room. I had this on me. There's no need to try," he said, slowly walking towards her.

"But why?" Arya asked. There were tears in her eyes, "you let me go! You could've stopped me that day but you didn't. You let me go!"

"Jaqen H'ghar didn't stop a girl. He never could. But a man forgot he was No One, and No One must serve his God."

"Jon! Jon! Jon!" Arya screamed as Jaqen went close to her and put the dagger close to her neck.

"Do not shout, lovely girl. If he comes here, it will only be worse."

Arya body shook. Jon, I love you. She closed her eyes for the impact of the blade.

The door opened loudly and Arya opened her eyes to see Jon standing there with wide eyes.

"Jon!" She shouted. But before she could escape, Jaqen was behind her, clutching her back to his chest.

Jon pulled out Longclaw.

"Get away from her!" He roared.

Arya tried to pull away but Jaqen grasped her tighter.

"Her life belongs to the Many Faced God. He must have it back."

"I will kill you! Let her go and it won't be painful," Jon's voice was seething with anger.

Arya's head felt heavy. Suddenly she saw Jon's jaw drop as he stared at Jaqen. Or is it...

She turned her head to look back but it wasn't Jaqen there anymore. It was a woman with red hair. Jaqen had changed his face. The woman smiled at Jon and spoke,

"You know nothing, Jon Snow."

Arya saw Jon's hand drop. He stood still as if hit by something.

"Ygritte...,"

"Can you kill me again, Jon? Do you have it in you?" The woman said.

Arya too puzzled at what was happening, twitched again and the dagger in the woman's hand went into the side of her stomach. She screamed and fell down. She saw Jon running towards them but suddenly everything went black and her body felt numb.