AN OPTION
1246 Words
I'm in the garden reading when Hannah comes running out.
"Lola! There's a woman here asking for Ocean. She says she's an old friend."
I look up from my book. "Okay. Why are you telling me?"
"Because she's gorgeous and she walked in here like she owns the place and I don't trust her." Hannah plops down on the bench next to me. "You should come see."
"Hannah, if she's Ocean's friend, that's his business. Not mine."
"Still. Come inside. I need backup in case she's trouble."
I sigh but close my book. "Fine. But I'm not getting involved in Ocean's business."
We walk back to the house together. I can hear voices coming from Ocean's office. The door is slightly open.
I should keep walking. Should go to my room or the kitchen or anywhere else.
But my feet stop outside the office. And I can hear them talking.
"Twenty-three," a woman's voice says. Smooth. Cultured. "That's quite an age gap."
My stomach twists. They're talking about me.
"Twenty-six years," Ocean replies.
"And you married her anyway."
"I did."
There's a pause. Then the woman asks, "Why?"
"That's personal."
"Ocean, I'm not here to judge. I'm genuinely asking. You swore you'd never marry again. What changed?"
I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
"She needed protection," Ocean says. "Marriage was the best way to provide it."
The words hit me like a slap.
Protection. That's all it was. That's all I am to him.
"So it's not a love match," the woman says, and I can hear the satisfaction in her voice.
"I didn't say that."
My heart jumps stupidly in my chest. He didn't say it wasn't love. But he also didn't say it was.
"Where is she? I'd love to meet her."
"She's resting. It's been a difficult few months."
"I can imagine. Marrying Ocean Moretti would be difficult for anyone. Especially someone so young." The way she emphasizes the word young makes me feel about five years old. "Is she handling it well? The life, I mean. Your world isn't easy for outsiders."
"She's handling it fine."
Am I though? Most of the time I feel completely lost. Like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. Like any second everyone will realize I don't belong here.
Hannah tugs on my arm. Whispers, "Come on. Let's go."
But I can't move.
"You look tired, Ocean. Are you sleeping?"
There's intimacy in the question. Concern. This isn't just some casual acquaintance. This is someone who knows him. Really knows him.
"I'm fine."
"That's not what I asked."
"Willow." Ocean's voice is patient but firm. "Why are you really here?"
Willow. So that's her name.
"I made a mistake," Willow says quietly. "Leaving you. I've regretted it every day for five years."
Oh God.
She's not just an old friend. She's an ex-girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend who left him and now wants him back.
"And now I'm married," Ocean says.
"To a girl barely out of college who you married for protection. That's not the same as what we had."
A girl. She called me a girl.
And the worst part is she's right. I am young. I was married for protection. Whatever Ocean and I have isn't real. Not like what he had with her.
I hear movement inside the office. They're coming toward the door.
I panic and turn to leave but it's too late. The door opens and Ocean is standing there looking at me.
For a second we just stare at each other. He knows I was listening. I can see it in his eyes.
Then a woman appears behind him.
And she's everything I'm not.
Tall. Elegant. Beautiful in that sophisticated way that comes with age and money and knowing exactly who you are. She's wearing clothes that probably cost more than everything I own. Her hair is perfect. Her makeup is perfect. She looks like she belongs in a magazine.
She looks like she belongs with Ocean.
"I'm sorry," I manage to say. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just looking for Hannah."
"Hannah's in the kitchen," Ocean says.
His voice is different than it was a moment ago. More careful. Like he's talking to someone fragile.
I nod. "Right. Okay."
I start to leave but Ocean stops me.
"Lola, wait." He gestures to the woman. "This is Willow Hart. An old friend. Willow, this is my wife, Lola."
Old friend. Right.
Willow smiles at me. It's warm and friendly but I can see her eyes taking me in. My jeans. My oversized sweater. My bare face and messy hair. I can practically see her comparing us in her head.
And I know what she's thinking. What everyone must think.
What is Ocean doing with her?
"It's nice to meet you," I say, trying to sound normal.
"Nice to meet you too." Willow's voice is so smooth. So confident. "Ocean was just telling me about you."
Was he? What did he say? That I needed saving? That I'm a responsibility he took on out of obligation?
"Oh. Okay." I look at Ocean. There's something in his eyes I can't read. "I should go. Let you two talk."
"You don't have to leave," Ocean says.
"It's fine. Really." I force a smile. "It was nice meeting you, Willow."
I turn and walk away before either of them can say anything else.
Hannah is waiting in the hallway. "You okay?"
"Fine."
"Lola—"
"I said I'm fine."
But I'm not fine. I'm the opposite of fine.
I go to my room and close the door. Lean against it.
Willow Hart is everything I'm not. Beautiful. Sophisticated. Age-appropriate. She has history with Ocean. She understands his world. She belongs in it.
And she wants him back.
I heard it in her voice. Saw it in her eyes when she looked at him.
She left him five years ago and now she regrets it. Now she's here to fix her mistake.
And what do I have to compete with that?
Nothing.
I'm just the girl he married to keep safe. The responsibility. The burden he took on because he has a code about not letting women die.
That's all I am to him.
I heard him say it myself. She needed protection. Marriage was the best way to provide it.
Not because he wanted me. Not because he loved me.
Because I needed protection.
I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the wall.
Ocean was right when he pushed me away. He was right about everything.
I am too young. I am confused. I did mix up gratitude with love.
Because how could someone like Ocean actually want someone like me when women like Willow exist?
Women who are beautiful and confident and understand his world. Women who can stand next to him without looking like a child playing dress-up.
I'm so stupid.
Of course he doesn't want me. He probably feels sorry for me. Probably thinks I'm pathetic for throwing myself at him.
And now Willow is here. Perfect, sophisticated Willow who actually belongs in his life.
I lie down on my bed and pull the blanket over myself even though it's the middle of the day.
I just want to disappear.
Want to stop feeling this ache in my chest that won't go away.
Want to stop loving someone who will never love me back.
Especially not when women like Willow Hart are an option.
- Writer
