MARRIED TO MY EX FATHER IN LAW

WHAT IF?

I'm in love with Ocean Moretti or noooo, I insanely like Ocean Moretti.

The realization hits me at three in the afternoon while I'm reading in the conservatory. Just hits me out of nowhere like a physical thing. Like someone punched me in the chest.

I set down my book. Stare at nothing.

I'm in love with him.

Not just attracted. Not just grateful. Not confused about my feelings or mixing up safety with desire.

I'm actually, genuinely, completely in love with the man who married me to save my life.

"f**k," I whisper to the empty room.

This is bad. This is so bad.

Because Ocean doesn't feel the same way. He can't. I'm just... I'm just a responsibility to him. A woman he saved. Someone he feels obligated to protect.

That's all I am.

The thought makes my chest ache.

I think about him constantly. When I wake up, I wonder if he's already awake. When I'm reading, I want to tell him about the book. When something funny happens, I want to share it with him first.

I look forward to dinner more than anything else in my day. Not because of the food. Because of him. Because of the way he looks at me. The way he listens. The way he makes me feel like I matter.

I replay our conversations in my head. Analyze every word. Every look. Searching for signs that maybe, possibly, he might feel something too.

But I'm probably just seeing what I want to see.

"You're pathetic," I tell myself. "He's being kind and you're turning it into something it's not."

"Who's pathetic?"

I jump. Hannah is standing in the doorway with a laundry basket.

"No one. Just talking to myself."

"About Ocean?"

How does she know?

"Why would I be talking about Ocean?"

"Because you always are. Even when you're not saying his name, you're thinking it. I can tell." She sets down the basket and sits next to me. "You're in love with him."

I open my mouth to deny it. But what's the point? Hannah sees everything.

"Yes," I admit quietly. "I'm in love with him. And it's the stupidest thing ever."

"Why is it stupid?"

"Because he doesn't love me back. He's just... he's just doing his duty. Being responsible. Making sure I'm okay."

"Are you kidding? Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"He looks at me like I'm someone he needs to protect."

"No. He looks at you like you're the sun and he's been living in darkness." Hannah's voice is firm. "Lola, that man is gone for you. Completely gone."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not. Everyone sees it. Daniel, Ezra, half the security team. Ocean Moretti is in love with you."

The words make my heart race. But I can't let myself believe them.

"Even if that were true—which it's not—it doesn't matter. We can't... we're not..." I struggle to find words. "It's impossible."

"Why?"

"Because he's forty-nine! Because he's my ex-father-in-law! Because he married me out of pity!"

"He didn't marry you out of pity. He married you because he couldn't stand the thought of you dying."

"That's not the same as wanting to be with me."

"Isn't it though?" Hannah tilts her head. "He chose you, Lola. When he could have walked away. When he could have let someone else deal with the problem. He chose to marry you himself. Why do you think that is?"

"Because he's honorable. Because he felt responsible. Because..."

"Because he wanted you in his life. Maybe he didn't know it then. But I think somewhere, even at the beginning, he knew."

I want to believe her. Want it so badly it hurts.

But I can't. Because believing it and being wrong would destroy me.

"It doesn't matter," I say. "Even if you're right...which you're not...we could never... it would be too complicated. The age gap. The connection to Ethan. Everything."

"Love is always complicated."

"This isn't love. Not for him. It's just... protection. Obligation."

"You really believe that?"

Do I? I don't know anymore.

I think about the way Ocean looked at me in his study. The way he said "you know who" when I asked who he couldn't stop thinking about.

The way he almost kissed me.

But almost doesn't count. Almost means he stopped himself. Means he thought better of it.

"He doesn't want me," I say quietly. "Not really. I'm too young. Too damaged. Too... too much baggage."

"Lola..."

"I know what I am, Hannah. I'm Ethan's ex-wife. I'm someone who comes with trauma and nightmares and all kinds of issues. Ocean deserves better than that."

"Ocean deserves to be happy. And you make him happy."

"I make him feel obligated."

"No. You make him smile. You make him laugh. You make him look forward to coming home. That's not obligation."

I shake my head. Can't let myself believe it.

"I need to stop," I say. "I need to stop thinking about him like this. Stop hoping for something that's never going to happen."

"Why?"

"Because it hurts too much."

Hannah's expression softens. "Oh, honey."

"I look at him and I want things I can't have. I want him to look at me like I'm more than just someone he saved. I want him to want me the way I want him. And it's killing me because I know it's never going to happen."

"What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not wrong. He's made it clear. That night in his study, he could have kissed me. Could have done something. But he didn't. He held back. Because he doesn't see me that way."

"Or because he's trying to be respectful. Trying not to push you before you're ready."

"I am ready."

"Have you told him that?"

"No. Because there's nothing to tell. He's not interested."

"You don't know that unless you ask."

"I'm not going to ask. I'm not going to throw myself at a man who's just being kind out of obligation. I still have some dignity left."

Hannah sighs. "You're both impossible. You know that? Both of you walking around pining for each other like tragic characters in a romance novel."

"He's not pining for me."

"He is. Trust me."

"Then why hasn't he done anything? Why hasn't he said anything?"

"Probably for the same reasons you haven't. Because he's scared. Because he thinks you don't feel the same way. Because he's an idiot."

I want to believe her. Want to think that maybe Ocean feels even a fraction of what I feel.

But the risk of being wrong is too high.

If I tell him how I feel and he doesn't feel the same way, I'll have to leave. I can't stay here, loving him, knowing he doesn't love me back. It would be torture.

And I have nowhere else to go.

"I can't risk it," I whisper. "I can't tell him. Because if he rejects me, I lose everything. This house. This safety. Him. I lose all of it."

"Or you gain everything."

"Or I destroy everything we have."

Hannah takes my hand. "Love is always a risk. But sometimes the risk is worth it."

"Not this time. Not for me."

She looks like she wants to argue more. But she doesn't. Just squeezes my hand.

"Okay. But for the record? I think you're both making this harder than it needs to be."

She leaves. I sit in the conservatory, my book forgotten, my chest aching.

I'm in love with Ocean Moretti.

And it's the worst thing that could have happened.

Because he doesn't love me back. And even if he did, we could never be together. Not really. The age gap. The circumstances. Everything makes it impossible.

So I need to bury these feelings. Need to push them down and never let him see them.

Need to be grateful for what I have, safety, protection, kindness and stop wanting more.

Even if wanting more is killing me.

Even if every time he smiles at me, every time we talk, every time we're in the same room, all I want to do is tell him how I feel.

I can't.

Because I'm just a responsibility to him. Someone he saved. Someone he protects because he's honorable and kind.

Not someone he loves.

And that truth hurts more than anything Ethan ever did to me.