MARRIED TO MY EX FATHER IN LAW

SHE WON'T LOOK AT ME

Oceans POV

Lola won't look at me anymore.

I notice it at dinner. She sits across from me like she has every night for months, but her eyes stay focused on her plate. When I ask her questions, she gives short answers. Polite. Distant.

Like I'm a stranger she's obligated to make small talk with.

It's getting worse. Every day, she pulls further away. And I don't know how to stop it.

I want to reach across the table and take her hand. Want to ask her what's wrong, what I can do to fix this. Want to tell her that this distance between us is killing me.

But I don't. Because I'm the one who created this distance in the first place. I'm the one who pushed her away when she told me she loved me.

I have no right to complain now.

"How was your day?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Fine. Quiet."

"Did you do anything interesting?"

"Not really. Just read mostly."

She takes a bite of her food. Still not looking at me.

This is torture.

My phone buzzes on the table. A text from Willow.

Had a wonderful time at lunch today. We should do it again soon. Maybe Friday?

I stare at the message and feel nothing but irritation.

Willow has been relentless since she showed up in London two weeks ago. Constant texts. Frequent visits to the house. Invitations to lunch, dinner, coffee. She's everywhere.

And I don't know how to make her stop without being cruel.

I should have been firmer that first day. Should have told her explicitly that there's no chance for us. That I've moved on. That she needs to leave.

But I didn't. I was polite. Distant but not harsh. And now she's taken that as encouragement.

Today she convinced me to have lunch with her. Said she needed advice about a business matter. It seemed harmless enough.

The lunch lasted two hours. She spent the entire time reminiscing about our past. Reminding me of good times we had. Laughing at inside jokes. Touching my arm across the table.

And all I could think about was getting back home to Lola.

Who won't even look at me anymore.

"Lola," I say, setting my phone down. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine."

"You seem distant lately."

"I'm just tired."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

Finally, she looks up at me. Those big brown eyes that usually show everything she's feeling are carefully blank.

"What else would it be?"

There's so much I want to say. I want to ask if this is about Willow. About us. About the kiss we shared and the words we said that I can't stop thinking about.

But I can't make myself say any of it.

"Nothing. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay." She stands up, her dinner barely touched. "I'm actually not very hungry. Do you mind if I go to my room?"

"Of course not. You don't need to ask permission."

She nods and leaves. I sit there alone at the table with two full plates of food and the hollow feeling in my chest that's becoming familiar.

I'm losing her.

Not to death or danger or anything I know how to fight.

I'm losing her to distance. To silence. To the walls she's building between us.

And I don't know how to break them down without being honest about what I feel. Which I'm apparently too much of a coward to do.

Later that night, I'm in my office trying to work when there's a knock on the door.

For a second my heart jumps stupidly, hoping it's Lola.

It's not. It's Ezra.

"Sorry to interrupt, boss. But we have an issue with the Rotterdam shipment."

"Another one?"

This is the third delay in two weeks. Someone is f*****g with my operations. I just don't know who yet.

"Customs again. Different excuse this time but same result. The shipment is sitting in port and we can't move it."

I lean back in my chair and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Get Daniel on it. And start looking into who's tipping off customs. This isn't random."

"Already on it. Daniel thinks it might be someone on the inside."

That's what I'm afraid of.

"Keep me updated."

Ezra nods and leaves.

I try to focus on work but my mind keeps drifting back to Lola. To the way she wouldn't look at me at dinner. To how small she's making herself lately, like she's trying to disappear.

This is my fault. All of it.

If I had just been honest with her from the beginning. If I had admitted what I felt instead of pushing her away and making her doubt herself.

If I hadn't been such a f*****g coward.

My phone rings. Willow again.

I consider not answering. But that will just make her call back.

"Hello."

"Ocean! I'm so glad I caught you. I was thinking about our lunch today and I realized I never properly thanked you for the advice. You were so helpful."

"It wasn't a problem."

"You've always been so good at helping me figure things out. It's one of the things I missed most when I left." Her voice is warm. Intimate. "I miss a lot of things about us actually."

Here we go again.

"Willow..."

"I know, I know. You're married. But Ocean, be honest with me. Are you really happy? With her?"

The question catches me off guard. "That's not..."

"Because from what I can see, you're not happy. You're stressed and tired and clearly something isn't working. And I can't help but think that maybe we made a mistake. Both of us. Me leaving. You marrying someone so young who doesn't understand your world."

"Don't talk about Lola."

"I'm not trying to be unkind. I actually like her. She seems sweet. But sweet isn't enough, Ocean. You need a partner. Someone who can stand beside you, not someone you have to protect and shelter from reality."

Every word she's saying is making me angrier. But there's also a small treacherous part of my brain that recognizes some truth in it.

I am protecting Lola. Sheltering her. Keeping her away from the worst parts of my world.

Because I don't want her touched by the darkness. Don't want her tainted by the violence and cruelty that's part of my life.

But is that partnership? Or is it just another form of keeping her at a distance?

"I should go," I say. "It's late."

"Of course. I just wanted to say thank you. And Ocean? I'm here. If you ever want to talk. About anything. I'm here."

She hangs up before I can respond.

I sit there staring at my phone, Willow's words echoing in my head.

Then I get up and walk to Lola's room. I need to see her. Need to talk to her. Need to figure out how to fix this.

I knock softly on her door.

"Come in."

She's sitting on her bed reading. She looks up when I enter and something flickers across her face. Surprise maybe. Or hope.

But then it's gone, replaced by that careful neutrality.

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

"I wanted to check on you. You left dinner early."

"I told you. I wasn't hungry."

I close the door behind me and lean against it. "Lola, talk to me. Please. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on."

"Something is clearly going on. You've been distant for weeks. You barely talk to me anymore. You won't look at me. Did I do something wrong? Beyond the obvious, I mean."

She sets her book aside. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then what is it?"

She's quiet for a long moment. Then she says quietly, "Willow."

"What about her?"

"She's here all the time. At the house. At events. Having lunch with you." Lola looks down at her hands. "And she's perfect for you. She understands your world. She's age-appropriate. She has history with you. She fits in a way I never will."

My chest tightens. "Lola.. "

"It's okay. I understand. You don't have to explain anything to me. I know I'm just here because you married me to save my life. I know this isn't real." She finally looks up at me. "But it would be easier for me if Willow wasn't constantly around reminding me of everything I'm not."

I cross the room and sit on the edge of her bed. "You think I want Willow?"

"Don't you?"

"No. God, no." I reach for her hand but she pulls away. "Lola, Willow and I ended five years ago. She left me. And yes, she's back now and yes, she's made it clear she wants another chance. But I don't want that. I don't want her."

"Then why is she always here?"

"Because I haven't been firm enough about telling her to leave. Because some part of me felt guilty about being harsh to someone I used to care about. But I don't care about her anymore. Not like that."

"What do you care about then?"

The question hangs between us. This is it. This is where I could tell her the truth. Could admit what I feel. Could stop being a coward and just say it.

You. I care about you. I love you. I've been in love with you for months and pushing you away was the biggest mistake of my life.

But the words stick in my throat.

Because what if I'm too late? What if I've already ruined this beyond repair?

What if she doesn't believe me? What if she thinks I'm just saying it because Willow is here and I'm feeling competitive?

What if I tell her I love her and she doesn't love me back anymore?

"I care about you being okay," I finally say. "About you feeling comfortable here. If Willow is making you uncomfortable, I'll tell her to stay away."

Disappointment flashes across Lola's face so quickly I almost miss it.

She wanted me to say something else. Something more.

And I didn't. Again.

"You don't have to do that," she says quietly. "Willow hasn't done anything wrong. She's been perfectly nice to me."

"Then what's the problem?"

"There is no problem." She picks up her book again. "I'm just tired. That's all. I think I'm going to read for a bit and then go to sleep."

"Lola..."

"Goodnight, Ocean."

It's a dismissal. Clear and final.

I stand up. "Goodnight."

I walk out of her room and close the door behind me.

Stand in the hallway feeling like I just failed some kind of test I didn't know I was taking.

I had a chance. A clear chance to tell her how I feel. To fix this.

And I didn't take it.

Because I'm a coward.

Just like she said.

I go back to my office and pour myself a drink. Then another.

Lola thinks I want Willow. Thinks she doesn't measure up. Thinks this marriage isn't real.

And instead of telling her she's wrong about all of it, I gave her some bullshit answer about caring if she's comfortable.

I'm an i***t.

My phone buzzes. Another text from Willow.

I delete it without reading it.

Then I block her number.

It's not enough. I know it's not enough. But it's a start.

Tomorrow I'll tell Willow she needs to leave. Not politely. Not gently. Firmly. Clearly. No room for misinterpretation.

And then I need to figure out how to fix things with Lola.

How to tell her what I should have told her weeks ago.

That I love her.

That I've always loved her.

That she's the only one I want.

I just need to find the courage to actually say it.

Before I lose her completely.