Our Little Life

Chapter 3

That we shall have a child seemed certain to me, though Susannah cannot quite allow herself to trust it. I watched her sleep. The knowledge of it filled me with so much joy and gut-wrenching terror, too, for I could not live without her. Valentina haunted me and I crossed myself, whispering an act of contrition asking for God’s mercy on me. Susannah must know of her but not yet. Not now. When they are both safe, please God. But I think she will not understand why I have kept it from her for so long. And how can I explain? She opened her soul to me, and I withheld mine from her.

The King did not attend our wedding ceremony in the Chapel Royal though, unexpectedly my mamma, who had fortuitously decided to visit quite unaware of my forthcoming marriage, did. There was a Mass afterwards in the Queen’s Chapel in St James’s Palace where I was able to make my confession – something I had not done for some considerable time – and take the sacrament. Well, not unsurprisingly, my confession was long and unpleasant, resulting in a penance of many decades of the rosary. No more than I deserved.

Mamma is with us still, in our Cheapside house, occupying the chamber which had once been mine and we have taken the larger one on the same floor, which has a closet for use as a dressing room. I looked around our chamber now. Gilded cream furniture. Silk drapes and upholstery in vibrant jewel-like colours. Carved and gilded Carrera marble fireplace. A ceiling painted with frolicking cherubs and putti, reminding me disconcertingly of the one in Frances Stuart’s Richmond House bedchamber. Not something I have pointed out to Susannah. She had not wished the room altered, though I know it is far too ornate for her taste, wanting me to have this reminder of my Florentine home. God bless her.

I lowered myself softly onto the bed to sit beside her, but still, she did not stir. Her eyes were moving madly under closed lids, and I had no wish to wake her from her dream. Then, after a tiny snort, they flew open.

‘Raphael?’ She reached for me. ‘Did I snore? Oh, Jesu, was I snoring?’

‘Christ, it sounded like a pigsty in here.’

She looked so mortified, I quickly pulled her into my arms. ‘I’m teasing, cara. Forgive me.’ She pulled away to look at me and I smiled, a little shamefaced.

caraShe narrowed her eyes, running her hand down my satin coat. ‘You’re ready to leave? Why must she have you there at such an hour?’

Meetings with Frances Stuart always caused a little unease between us. I shrugged. ‘She is the patron. I do as I am asked.’ Merda. Not the best choice of words. I bent to kiss her before she could reply. It took a while until I felt the tension leave her. I moved away, cautiously.

Merda.‘I want you, Raphael.’

‘I wish I could, cara.’ And I did, very much. ‘No time, I’m afraid, especially if I am to return the coach for you.’

caraShe sighed and fell back against the pillows. ‘I could always take a hackney.’ She sighed again. ‘All I want is to make love or to eat. Is it normal? How can it be?’

It sounded rather perfect to me. ‘I think it a further proof you are with child.’

‘You do?’

‘I think so. Ask Mamma. Now, I must go.’

‘Find me when you get back.’

I kissed her forehead. ‘Of course.’

Giuseppe waited outside with the leather bag holding the samples and drawings for the duchess. A chill in the air already suggested autumn with little warmth now in the early morning sunshine.

‘Why she want you now, eh?’

I sighed. ‘I have no idea.’

‘Maybe she meet you in her camera da letto?’ He grinned.

camera da lettoI snatched the bag from him. ‘I have a wife whom I love very much. Now, where is that damn coach.’ As I spoke, I heard the sound of hooves approaching from the mews behind the house, and he was able to gesture smugly towards it. I really must not rise to his goading. There would be more when I returned home. I would ignore it.

He lowered the steps and opened the door for me, but before I could climb inside, he touched my shoulder. ‘Raph, you know I joke with you, no? I see how it is with you and Susannah.’

I nodded, punching his arm lightly in response. ‘I know, Amico.’ And, in truth, I did. And I also knew he would never stop his banter and in time it would wash over me as it had always done before. For now, though, the reality of my marriage was still too new to be the target of his humour and any suggestion of infidelity too offensive, for I knew without a single doubt it would never happen. I had vowed it before Susannah and before God.

AmicoThe streets were quiet at this hour and there were even a few rakers’ carts still trundling along, carrying their reeking load from the city’s cesspits out to the laystalls beyond. I held my handkerchief to my nose as they passed.

Rory halted at the turn into King Street and climbed down to speak to me. ‘A cart be over further up with nothing moving. What do ye wish of me, Master?’

Time was pressing for my appointment with Frances. ‘Go down The Mall and through the park.’ The route towards the Park Gate was kept free from carriage traffic on most days but if King Street was blocked, I had no compunction about using it. Driving down the deserted track, I noticed some of the trees were already taking on their vibrant autumn colours. It still surprised me how much brighter and more varied they were in England. Perhaps it was all the rain, for there had to be some purpose to it? Then, amongst them, I glimpsed bright hair gleaming in the sunshine and spotted two small girls dressed in identical pale blue gowns, sitting on the grass. One of them was Penny. I knocked on the wall signalling Rory to stop and jumping down, I cupped my hands around my mouth, ‘Penny.’ The air already carried a hint of autumn. Damp earth and wood smoke. I sighed. Soon coal smoke from London’s countless chimneys would pall the sky once more.

She looked up, scrambling to her feet, and ran to me, grinning. ‘Papa.’ She flung her arms around me and turned to her friend, who approached more slowly. ‘Kitty. This is my papa.’

‘Surely, you are not alone here, girls?’ I looked around and spotted a young woman talking with a man further in under the trees.

Kitty saw me looking. That’s Abigail. She’s taking care of us.’

It certainly did not appear so to me. Far from it. ‘Stay here. I shall speak with her for a moment.’ I had walked some way towards them before the man noticed me. He looked decidedly disreputable, with threadbare clothes and grimy skin. The woman, heavy-set and freckle-faced, was clearly enjoying the kind of male attention she would likely not receive very often. ‘Abigail?’

She made a clumsy curtsy. ‘Master?’

‘I believe your attention should be on your charges, one of whom is my daughter.’ I gave the fellow a hard look and he stared back, insolently, before finally lowering his eyes. He spat on the grass, then slunk away deeper into the shrubbery.

‘Forgive me, Master. I shall get back to ‘em right away. Please don’t tell my mistress, I begs you. They was right there with me. I never saw ‘em wander off, like.’

‘I’ll make sure Penny tells me if anything like this happens again. Then your employers will hear of it.’ She looked suitably chastened. ‘Make sure they’re back in Wood Yard by midday when my wife will collect our daughter.’ As I walked back to Penny with the woman scurrying after me, I wondered whether to return them safely to Whitehall in my coach and said as much when I reached them. They were making chains out of small white daisy flowers. Penny already wore one on her head like a crown, and it gave me an idea for a necklace. I could craft the flowers with enamel in Susannah’s kiln. A skill she had been happy to teach me, and it had proved a popular addition to our designs. My suggestion to the girls was not well received.

‘Not yet. Please, Papa.’

‘We haven’t finished,’ Kitty added.

I sighed. I was already late. I turned to Abigail. She really was most unprepossessing, poor girl. I smiled at her. ‘Remember what I said.’

‘I will, Master.’ Blushing did nothing for her complexion, unfortunately.

I climbed up into my coach, telling Rory to hurry as I did, and we were soon pulling up at the Park Gate. I walked briskly along beside the bowling green to arrive at Richmond House, where the door opened immediately, and a footman led me upstairs into the drawing room. ‘Frances.’ We kissed each other on both cheeks. ‘You look well.’ She was dressed in pearl grey silk with a violet mantua just the colour of her eyes.

‘So do you, my dear. And how is Susannah?’

I decided to tell her. ‘She’s with child.’

She hugged me. ‘Raphael, I’m so happy for you both.’ She stepped away smiling. ‘And little Penelope will have a brother or sister. She’ll like that, I’m sure.’

I tilted my head, studying her. ‘You knew about Penny? I mean–’

‘I know what you mean, Raphael. And I did. And that she was Samuel’s. Who else could it be?’

Just what her father and grandmother had said. ‘The King knew?’ I was fairly certain of it.

‘I never spoke of it with him. Now, I have breakfast for you.’ She led me to a low table placed before a sofa affording us a good view over the bowling green, where a game was now underway. ‘We can eat while you show me what you’ve brought.’

And that is what we did, eating hot-buttered rolls and coddled eggs while I showed her the drawings of a necklace she wished for, which would feature some of my new enamel work. When the plates had been cleared away, I laid out the mock-ups of a ruby brooch I would make once she had decided on the design. ‘These are the three you chose from the drawings.’

‘These always make a decision so much easier.’ She studied them, lifting each one, and taking it to hold against her in front of one of the many mirrors there to reflect light from the large candelabras set in front of them. ‘This one.’ She handed it to me.

I nodded. ‘I’ll begin it right away.’

She patted my arm. ‘Now, my dear, I have another appointment.’

I kissed her hand. ‘Buona giornata, Frances.

Buona giornata