Our Little Life

Chapter 5

As my carriage drove back through the park, I kept my eyes open for Penny, hoping I could bring her home with me to save Susannah the trip to Wood Yard. I assumed Abigail had taken them back there when there was no sign of her. The return journey to Cheapside unsurprisingly took considerably longer than my outward one and I became concerned Susannah would indeed be forced to take a hackney if she were to get to her sitter in time.

When we halted finally in the mews, I jumped down and ran upstairs to the small studio we had made for her above the coach house, with a kiln and everything needed for her portrait miniatures. She was there still, talking quietly with her young apprentice, dressed for court in indigo satin that clung to her body, with her box waiting beside her on the floor. I scooped it up and winked at Hugo. He grinned. ‘Come, Susannah.’ I took her hand and hurried her down the stairs. ‘I saw Penny and her friend in the park on my way in. She was wearing a crown made from daisy flowers. It’s given me the idea for a piece using enamel again.’ Then, I walked her backwards against a wall in the dark empty coach shed, pressing close against her, kissing her. I knew immediately there was something wrong. ‘What?’

‘Valentina Gentileschi.’

‘Dio mio.’ My mind spun away with shock. Her name felt like a physical blow coming from Susannah’s lips.

Dio mio‘She had your child.’

‘Christ.’ Bile rose in my throat. ‘My mother told you?’

She moved around me. ‘She did, indeed, Raphael. What I can’t understand it is why you never have.’

I grasped her hand to stop her walking away. ‘Susannah, please. Let me explain.’ God knows how. When she pulled away from me, I followed her outside to the coach, reaching for her again.

God knows howShe shrugged me off. ‘Later. I’ve no time.’

She didn’t look at me as I helped her up inside. ‘I can explain.’ Well, at least I now had time to decide what to say, or so I thought.

Rory appeared and climbed up, fisting his forehead before taking-up the reins. ‘Privy.’

I watched them clatter away before going into my workshop through the mews door. First, though, I must speak to Mamma.

Giuseppe looked up. ‘Which did she choose?’

‘I shook my head, to clear it. ‘The one I expected.’ Cristo. My thoughts fragmented like shards of shattered glass on the floor.

Cristo‘You know how to please her, Padrone,’ he said, flatly, his grin not quite reaching his eyes.

PadroneI ignored him, turning to my mother working at her bench. ‘Mamma, una parola con te per favore.’ When she looked up it was clear she knew what it would be about.

Mamma, una parola con te per favoreShe walked upstairs with me to the drawing room, looking troubled. Strange how this ornate setting felt more hers now than mine, with its plethora of carved and gilded white marble and bright silks.

‘Forgive me, Raffaello. Though, how was I to know you hadn’t told her? Or that she is with child herself?’ She hugged me then. ‘Which pleases me more than I can say, cara mia. God has indeed blessed you, my son. With such a wife and now a child.’

cara miaI hugged her, kissing her on both cheeks. How could I be angry with her? ‘Susannah hoped for a child as soon as we married. It seemed something not to tell her in view of that.’ This was only part of the truth, of course. While I did not want to bring such a vision of the abyss into our life together, there was also the self-serving wish not to show her yet another example of my past behaviour to disappoint her when there had already been so much. In truth, there was more to it than I cared to face. Things about my father and my toxic relationship with him. I sighed. It would not be an easy conversation to have now. I hoped she could forgive me for it. ‘Come.’ I held out my hand. ‘We should go back down.’

Giuseppe followed me to my bench and bent to speak into my ear. ‘Susannah, she ask about her … about Valentina. Why you no tell her?’

I closed my eyes. ‘Christ, Giuseppe. I don’t know. How can I explain when I don’t truly know myself?’ He squeezed my shoulder.

I tried to lose myself in work for a while. I could see Mamma did the same. She had always worked alongside Papà, though he rarely acknowledged her skills as a jeweller. Yet they had started out alone together to build what was now an extremely successful business.

It was Giuseppe who saw him first. I picked up his tension and followed his gaze. A man, resplendent in uniform, ran down the stairs. An equerry in the Richmond livery. I took a loud breath. A groan.

‘Raphael Rossi?’

I stepped towards him. ‘Here. What can I do for you?’ My heart pounded. Christ. Sweet holy Christ. Frances would not send this man without good reason. Something terrible had happened. Dio mio. Not Susannah? He handed me a letter. I crossed myself and snapped it open.

Dio mioRaphael. Penny has disappeared. Susannah is with me and distraught. Come now.

Raphael. Penny has disappeared. Susannah is with me and distraught. Come now.I dropped it onto the workbench, struggling for breath. Giuseppe read it and shook me, slightly. ‘Go.’

I turned to the equerry. ‘Have you a coach?’

‘Horseback, Master. It’s best.’

I charged outside with Giuseppe behind me. We both knew to take Vixen. I bridled her whilst he dropped her rug and saddle down, fastening the girth strap before giving me a leg up onto her back and tightening it again.

‘Off,’ he cried, slapping her rump.

She shot forward and we began our breakneck dash back to Whitehall, ending with a gallop through St James’s Park beside the canal. I arrived again at Richmond House, silently repeating: she’s safe already, followed by: but what if she is not? Again and again, like slow t*****e. I swung my leg up over the pommel and vaulted from my horse.

The equerry grabbed the reins. ‘I’ll tend to her, Master.’

I glanced up at the big drawing room window. Susannah was there looking down. I ran inside through the open door and up the stairs two at a time. She turned to look at me when I entered. Her eyes were dry now, though I could see she had wept for a long time. They were hot-looking and bloodshot, her pale skin blotched with red. ‘Cara?’ And, Holy Mother of God, I watched her break.

CaraSomehow, she was in my arms on a sofa, and I held her while she keened, pushing against me as though trying to find somewhere to hide within me. I wished I could give her that. I had no idea what to do or say, other than hold her and gentle her in my own language. When, I heard footsteps, I glanced up. Cristo. It was the King, dressed in grey worsted with a touch of silver lace at his throat. Sombre for him, especially against the bright greens and gold of the room. I never thought of trying to rise. It was only when he waved his hand to say it did not matter that it even entered my head.

Cristo‘You saw the children in the park?’

I nodded, trying to order my thoughts. This is King Charles of England, but he is not my King. ‘Is the other little girl–’

He sat down on the sofa opposite. ‘Missing. And the maidservant.’

I saw his eyes were fixed on Susannah who was quiet now, her face pressed hard against my chest. I stroked her back. Still murmuring words of comfort from time to time when I felt her stir. ‘What is being done?’ He showed no sign of objecting to my lack of protocol in speaking to him as a man and not a King.

Before he could answer, Frances came in. ‘Raphael.’ She hurried to me, holding my face, and kissing my forehead. Then her hand joined mine on Susannah’s back for a moment. ‘We can tell you what’s been done already and what will happen now.’

Susannah raised her head and turned to look at Frances and the King. ‘Yes.’ Her voice sounded small and hoarse. ‘Please. If you can do that. I need to know.’

I moved so she could sit more comfortably facing them, though I kept her gathered tight in my arms. It occurred to me then that the King must have been with Frances when Susannah arrived here – the appointment she had spoken of – and what a huge stroke of luck that was, even if luck was a strange concept to apply to a catastrophe like this. But because he was, everything that could be done would have been. Immediately. All he had to do was order it so because, of course, Susannah is his goddaughter.

There was a sharp rap on the door. ‘Enter.’ The King turned his prominent, dark eyes to the newcomers, Tom Monkton and Sir Richard Gresham. They made the required subjugations, but he waved them away. ‘Lieutenant, if you please. Tell us what has been accomplished so far and what you intend now.’

Susannah held out a hand to her father. He took it and bent to kiss her, brushing away her tears with his fingers before sitting beside her.

‘Sukie. We’ll find her, I’m sure of it.’

The King gestured at Tom to begin.

‘Mistress Rossi. My men have searched St James’s Park and are doing so within the palace boundaries as we speak. I’ve talked with Mistress Foyles concerning the maidservant, Abigail Dobbs, and she has told me all she can of her. Nothing is helpful. None of them were seen at the house again.

‘Poor Anne,’ Susannah murmured.

I turned to her. ‘Cara. I told you I saw the girls in the park on my way in this morning. I stopped my coach because I thought they were alone. But the maid was with a man under the trees. I went to remonstrate with her because she wasn’t watching the children–’

CaraThe King leaned forward, hawkeyed. ‘Describe this man.’

‘He looked like every vagabond. Ragged clothing. Dirty.’ I closed my eyes, trying to remember more. I shook my head. ‘He was a man like so many others. A beggar.’

The King turned his attention to Tom. ‘Lieutenant. What else is to be done? Manpower is not a concern. Do everything necessary. Do it immediately. And ask the other child’s mother about this person.’

‘Your Majesty. I must now send men to all docks within the pool of London. Anywhere a ship might sail to the West Indies or the Americas.’

‘Explain.’ The King held up his hand. ‘No. We see it, now. But you cannot think such a thing possible in this case? Not taken from a Royal Park?’

‘Unfortunately, I do. It is rife everywhere, Your Majesty.’

I felt Susannah stiffen beside me and held her closer. ‘What are you talking about?’ She looked from the King to Tom. When the King gave a slight nod, Tom sighed.

‘Mistress–’

‘Susannah, please.’

‘Susannah. Sending men to the docks is a precaution.’

‘But why are they needed there? What are they to do? And how is it relevant to my … our daughter?’

‘There is a very slight possibility that it might be. There is a particularly unpleasant criminal activity prevalent at the moment … because it’s so lucrative.’ He paused to take a breath. ‘Colloquially it’s known as Spiriting. Many otherwise reputable shipping companies employ so called ‘spirits’ to kidnap people, taking them … spiriting them away to the colonies.’ He looked down at his hands. ‘They are sold into servitude … usually that means for the rest of their lives. Much like slaves from Africa.’

Susannah gasped. ‘A child? Why would they want children? The girls are so little. They’re but eight years old. What can they do as servants?’

‘Children are cheaper than adults and they grow. They work now, Susannah. In London and throughout the Kingdom. Children the same age as your daughter and Kitty Foyles. Many work, or they beg.’ He looked again at the King who turned to Frances.

She pursed her lips. I knew whatever he wished her to say was unpalatable to her. She sat up straighter. ‘Some children are sold for different purposes. Pretty children. Pretty boys and girls. Some are even stolen to order.’

Susannah’s groan tore at my heart. ‘Not Penny? In the name of God, you can’t be suggesting such a thing.’

Tom closed his eyes for a moment before looking from me to Susannah. ‘No. I’m saying we’ll search ships to make sure it doesn’t happen to her. We shall find her very soon and bring her back to you.’

She turned to me again and began to weep silently, tears washing down her face. ‘Amore mio.’ I held her to me again without any idea what to do.

Amore mioWe waited at Richmond House for many hours, hoping for news and hearing nothing good. All searches had so far proved fruitless. Frances stayed with us, maintaining a constant supply of refreshments. I ate a little, Susannah nothing, though we both drank claret. As afternoon began to fade into evening, I stood at the big window looking out over the privy garden, a few bright-clad courtiers wandered there. On the bowling green a game was just concluding, with the last of the sun shining ruby on upper floor windows and rooftops. Life went on outside whilst ours had frozen. I turned to Susannah, white-faced on her sofa, Frances sitting patiently beside her. ‘We should go home, cara. Word will be got to us when there is something to tell.’ She turned to me, her face blank as though she had not understood.

caraI moved back beside her, meeting Frances’s gaze for a moment. I cupped Susannah’s face in my palm. ‘Let me take you home. Let me care for you there.’

Frances touched her arm. ‘I shall send an equerry with any news, however small.’

I stood and offered my hand to her. ‘Come, Susannah.’ She allowed me to help her stand and I pulled her into my arms, holding her close and feeling her tremble.

Frances moved to the bell rope. ‘I’ll have my coach sent round.’ She left the room and returned with Susannah’s cloak.

I took it and wrapped it around her shoulders. How little time had truly passed since I drove through the park this morning and saw the girls playing happily in the sunshine, yet it felt like eons. Holy Christ, why had I not taken them safely into my coach. I crossed myself and prayed for God’s mercy.

Once inside the carriage, Susannah stared ahead, appearing not to see as we journeyed through streets now falling into shadow. What could I do but pray? ‘The holy mother will protect her.’

She turned to me. ‘You really believe that?’

I crossed myself. ‘I do. I have faith it is so.’

She moved into my arms, pressing herself against me. ‘Then I shall try to have faith in yours.’

I had sent messages to Cheapside, so no explanations were needed when we arrived. My mother waited quietly in the drawing room and hugged us both without asking questions. She poured us wine, and I sat beside Susannah once again, on a different sofa in a different, somewhat less grand, drawing room this time.

My mother sat beside her, too. ‘Have you eaten, carissima?’

carissimaSusannah seemed not to hear her.

I met Mamma’s eyes and shook my head.

‘Tell me everything,’ she said in Italian.

So that is what I did, including my failure to see the girls home myself.

She wiped away tears, shaking her head. ‘Don’t blame yourself, Raffaello. Save blame for those who took her then leave them to God, my darling.’ She stood. ‘Get her to bed and I shall have a tray sent up. She must eat. You know why.’

I nodded, rising to my feet. I put my arm around her to help her up. ‘Come, Susannah. You should rest. Let me help you.’ She allowed me to lead her up to our chamber and stood meekly before me while I undressed her. She had sent her mind elsewhere. I was glad she had but also a little afraid she would not come back. I loosened her hair from its pins and moved in to kiss her, hoping I could call her with my body. After a time, feeling no response, I gently moved her to sit on the bed while I fetched her a nightgown from the press.

‘Raphael.’

I turned to find her standing, holding out her hands to me, her face wet with tears once again. ‘I’m here, cara.’ And then she was in my arms kissing me and clutching me hard to her. I held her around her waist, pulling the quilts back to guide her into bed. She lay quiet, chewing her lip, her face white as chalk, watching me shed my clothes onto the floor. I wanted to make love to her gently; to offer her comfort but it was not that she needed from me. She wanted fast oblivion. And when those few precious moments of unknowing faded bringing her back to herself, she wept as though her heart had finally shattered. I held her close. I had nothing else to give her. God help me.

caraAfter a light tap on the door, Giuseppe came in with a tray. Our eyes met and he closed his for a moment, seeing Susannah held tight in my arms with her face pressed against my chest. He placed the tray down softly onto the table and lit all the candles before closing the drapes to shut out the last of the twilight. Then he bent to retrieve my clothing from the floor sorting what should be hung-up from what must be laundered. ‘Thank you,’ I mouthed.

His eyebrows shot up and he mimed a stagger of amazement.

‘Idiot.’ I murmured as the door closed behind him.

Susannah raised her head. ‘What?’

I pushed her hair back from her face. ‘You must eat now, cara.’

caraShe moved away to lie on her back, her forearm covering her eyes. ‘I can’t. It would make me vomit.’

I rose up onto my elbow to look at her. ‘You must, Susannah. You’re with child, so you must.’

She let her arm fall away and held my gaze for a moment. ‘Jesu.’

I climbed out of bed. ‘Stay there. I’ll fetch a plate.’ At the table, I filled a large one with enough bread, cheese, fruit, and cakes for both of us before pouring two glasses of Chianti, bringing them to the table beside the bed. She sat up higher against the pillows. Her white tear-streaked face tore at my heart.

‘Wine first.’

I smiled. ‘Cake first. Best I can do.’ I handed her one and watched her eat it with her eyes closed. She opened them after a final swallow, and I handed her the wineglass. And so, she ate with wine as a reward, and I more or less did the same, though I ate more and drank less. Then, she slept in my arms or rather what passed for sleep for both of us with short dozes followed by agonies of remembering.