What has become

She lit her last ciggerette

She lit her last cigarette as she sat down at her vanity. She took a long gaze at the reflection looking back at her. How? How has this happened? How did I let my life get like this? I should have been so much further in life by now. She gazes at all the imperfections on her face the starting of a couple of wrinkles forming at the outer corner of her eyes. It seemed as if it were only yesterday she was dancing in the rain, laughing out loud, singing, you know just being happy not a care in the world. Going on long adventures. Traveling here and there. no worries just freedom and an open road. A tear starts to tinkle down her face as she takes a drag off of her cigarette. She could feel the swelling of her throat and the pressure in her chest as she began to cry while staring at the person in the mirror that is looking back at her screaming. Why? I don't understand why. My life isn't supposed to be meant to be lived like this. I should have been so much further in life by now. The hurt inside consumed her and her whole life. She lost a part of herself one day. She lost her one true love. I mean, how do you recover from that? The memories, the sting, the hurt. I mean does it ever go away she keeps asking herself. She had prayer and food to give her strength. This girl is a warrior who had to grow up way too quickly. She never had a childhood really from the molestations, beatings, and r***s as a teen and in her early twenties. She asks herself why. Why? What's so wrong with me? She gets up, goes over to her bed, takes a medicine bottle from her nightstand, and pours it into her hands. Her trembling hand reaches for a glass of water, she swallows the pills one by one while saying every reason why. She was tired. tired of the hurt, pain, the exhaustion from it all. She lays down and falls asleep. Her roommate came in to check on her moments later and couldn't get her aroused and talking. She had a faint pulse and barely breathing. Her roommate, Ariel, dialed 911 and told them what she had observed. As the police beat on the door, her roommate apologizes. I am so sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Please don't be mad at me when you wake up. She runs over and opens the door. The police ran over felt for a pulse and then the paramedics arrived. They put her on a gurney and rushed her out the door doing chest compressions and CPR. The police were asking the roommate all kinds of questions and all she could reply is I don't know I'm sorry I just don't know. After spending a month in a psych ward she was allowed to go home. Margo, can you please come to the front office your ride is here to pick you up on the intercom of the hospital she was in. Her heart dropped she wasn't ready just yet. She was afraid to go back out to the world and the unknown. She hadn't got to feel the sunlight on her face for so long. She grabs her bags and walks to the front office. Her heart was pounding rapidly the closer she got, As she entered the office she could see in a room where her mom was sitting. Her heart did a flip flop when the doctor looked at her and said hello Margo are you ready to go to start your new happy life you have ahead of you. Margo replied I don't know. I'm a little afraid, The doctor said Margo there isn't anything to be afraid of you're ready. Margo then replied then why do I feel ready. the doctor said look it's perfectly normal to be afraid, you've been here for a month, you've been locked away from the world for some time now, but you have this and I will just be a phone call away if it doesn't work out. you can always come back if you need to, but I hardly doubt you are going to need to. You have made such good progress already. Margo shook her head yes I guess you are right. Dont think I can stay here forever, might as well join the land of the living. Then she laughed, sure would be nice to have a cigarette. Then she turned to her mom and said lets get outta here. The doctor says well let's get your paperwork signed and your out of here. Margo smiled and the doctor said sign here, sign here, and lastly sign here. O.k. Margo you are free to go , if ever you need to come back hopefully you don't but if you do we will be glad to have you back. Take care of yourself Margo and quit sailing yourself short. Margo replied done worry I wont and again dr thanks for all of your help. They shake hands and maros mom says well I guess we need to try and beat the evening traffic she smiles at Margo and says come on lets go with a wink. Margos hands were shaking with fear and excitement she knew this was a goofresh start for her to final get her life right, but what if things goes as usual and she ends up right back where she was or worse lose her life. The elevator door opened she took a deep breath in and looked back. Her mother says its ok Margo everything will be ok as long as you stay away from them people and dead beat men. Margo said mom please done not so soon I just got out. The elevator door opened and Margocould see through the lobby windows a sky so blue like the first time seeing the ocean it took her breath. She looked at her mom and said if all you're going to do is nag me to death its gonna be an awful long ride home.