All the Devils are Here

A Pack

Samael

“Goodnight Sam”, she says as she shuts the door to my car and walks towards her building. I’m transfixed on her and I don’t start my car until she’s completely out of my sight. The truth is I want nothing more than to ask her to let me stay the night but, I know it’ll be for all the wrong reasons. f*****g your misery out of your system simply does not work, I should know. I've tried.

If she was anyone else, I would still go for it. But, she’s not anyone else. She’s…..broken. Like me. And she's vulnerable. I wish I didn’t care about her just so I can kiss her and not feel guilty afterwards or cajole her into letting me stay and not feel like the f*****g devil. She’s not the usual girl I’d go for; she's too good. Ruining innocent things may have been one of my hobbies in the past but, it appears I'm starting to grow a conciense. Maybe she’s better off with someone like Asher. They seemed pretty inseparable at the party.

As I get back on the road, I try to put the thoughts of Hera behind me. Yes, I kissed her. Yes, I didn’t like it very much seeing her and Asher together and yes, maybe I’ve started to care about her a little too much that I don’t want to sleep with her but -

Derek is still dead. My father along with Mara and Slade are still MIA, ‘rogue’ hunters are still running around playing cat and rat with stupid omega werewolves and, I still don’t know what the f**k I’m doing.

When did all of this become my problem? When did I become the guy that Lex and Dothan would wait on to receive orders? When did I become the kind of guy to run away from a party? A party in my own f*****g house!? I don’t know who the f**k I am anymore. And I don’t know who to blame.

I don’t stop driving until I pass the border of the center and into Hayride. I just want to be in the woods by myself. Maybe with Hera. She’s my latest obsession. Because she’s new and she’s different and, she doesn’t know what I am.

I wonder how many people don’t know. I know Trinity knows. She’s human but, she grew up in the center and she and Dothan have known each other for years even before I met Dothan. Sometimes I suspect that Willow knows but, honestly with Willow, you never know. She’s been working at the White Rabbit for over 3 years now and although we’ve had a little on and off f**k buddy situationship, we don’t say very much to each other. It doesn’t matter who knows or who doesn’t but, what is a fact is that most people suspect. They see Asher, Dothan, Lex and I and they assume - they must be in a gang of some sorts. I even heard a rumor once that we were in a cult. Some people see us and they see the way some of the pups turn up at these parties and they think this must be some boy club. All of these assumptions have some truth to them. And some people, some very few people, they see us and they know. They know we’re so much more than a cult or a boy’s club or a gang. They know that we’re a pack.

Once I’m in Hayride, I drive to the dungeons and park my car at my usual spot I park when I want to wander around the woods. To be calm. There might not be a full moon tonight but, it’s not like I need one to be murderous. The only person I can think to take my anger on is one of the fake hunters Asher and I got the other day but, I can’t kill him because we’re still keeping him for potential interrogation. I wish things didn't have to be so sneaky but, we have no choice. If only we had Sentinels, perhaps things would have been a little easier when it comes to getting information but, the Sentinels chose their side many years ago.

As I walk into the woods in search of a rock positioned on a high hill to sit and ponder on, I admit to myself that perhaps the person I’m most angry with is my father. If he were here I wouldn’t have to carry this burden on my shoulders. I’d be free to carry on unbothered about the activities going on in and around pack. I wouldn’t have to be giving orders and forcing myself to following them. Even if he wanted to leave, I wish Mara and Slade didn't go with him leaving us the younger Beta's in charge.

Something bad is coming. And I’ve never needed guidance as much as I do at this moment. Derek, the break out at the cages in the dungeons and even Wren the kid from Parker’s pack. Is Asher right? Is there a link between all these things?

There are others I can talk to about this. The elders. Older werewolves that are here in Hayride but, never come into the center or mingle with pack affairs. It’s not that they are packless, it’s that they are the last ones remaining of their packs. They witnessed a time before the creation of the city council, before humans and werewolves of the city made a truce. It’s only been a couple of decades so some of them are still alive. And often times when my father would not know what to do, he’d pay them a visit. For guidance.

These random happenings aren’t concrete reasons enough for me to go to the elders. But, I'm afraid doing that might make me seem like I am ready for responsibilty when I am infact trying to dodge responsibility more than anything. Instead, I decide that that orientation is indeed needed. Not just of Banes pack but, all the werewolves in the city. The only problem is how am I supposed to get all the werewolves together? We don't operate like that. It's every pack for themselves. But it has to be done. I don’t want to have to be the one to do it. I don’t want to have to be the one to step up but, who the f**k else is going to do it?

I know it’s Asher’s birthday and he’s doing his best to party his sorrows away which is very un-Asher like so even though I want him to be here right now, strategizing with me, I decide against it. It makes me uncomfortable that Asher is the one out there partying and I’m the one here thinking. Is this what Asher feels like when the roles are reversed? I wonder. Probably not.

Tomorrow, when the party is over and all the pain is back, I will summon Asher. And all the rest of the pack. First, we need an in-house orientation. Our pups and Deltas have to be aware about these fake Hunter and they have to move correctly. As for the rest of the werewolves in the city, they are on their own for now.