WHITE DARKNESS - BLACK MAGIC SAGA - BOOK 1

SHARP BREATHINGS

The door opened making the two turn to see who was it. “Ishad agher, ladies,” greeted Rhazel with an awful Kilskian pronunciation while bowing to both girls.

“Nice pronunciation you’ve got there, Rhaz,” Leevanna chuckled from Lhu’s bed, who was wiping her tears away. She had received a letter one of her relatives had died in the battlefield a week ago. Leevanna didn’t know exactly how to soothe her, she had never been in that situation, she had never had a family she could really rely on that their deaths would hurt her, so she had just let Lhu cry and talk until she had let everything out.

“I know, sweetheart,” he winked playfully already seated on an armchair with his hands behind his head and right ankle over his left knee. “You crying because you killed someone and don’t know how to hide the corpse?”

Lhu laughed harder for the irony of his words and look up before shaking her head. “Hide a corpse is easy.”

“Ooh la, la, naughty girl,” Rhazel whistled making Leevanna roll her eyes smiling before turning. Thea and Freya were there.

“Is there a knees-up and I didn’t know?” she raised an eyebrow.

“We’re just so bored,” Freya threw herself face-down on Leevanna’s bed.

“You were at Ayrith half-hour ago,” the jade-eyed frowned.

“Everything’s the same,” whined Thea throwing herself on top of Freya and covering her face with a pillow.

Soon, another two voices were to be heard.

“—telling you, I can’t find her anywhere.”

“Perhaps she has just gotten home for the holidays, who knows,” Mason shrugged. The other boy rolled his eyes and shook his head in denial with his hands on his pockets. Leevanna’s cat jumped out of nowhere and threw himself into the grey-eyed’s face. Rhazel burst into laughter just like Thea and Freya. “For worrying so much,” laughed Mason while Eisdrache held the animal to get him out of his face.

“Leev, I think Drache needs a bit of help,” laughed Thea.

“You aren’t welcome in my room,” she said standing up and going directly for her cat, who had the same bad temper its owner had this last few days. “f**k off.”

Vailant glided his hands up his face. “Could you f*****g stop and let me f*****g explain this one time?”

“Explain what?” she turned around to see him once she had left Nix, her cat, on her bed. “That you got those innocent creatures killed even though they didn’t even scratch you?”

“Vaughan, I had a seizure after that—”

“And you almost killed me!”

The room went silent.

Nobody said anything for a couple of minutes.

Nobody dared to.

She pointed him with her finger. “You don’t have any f*****g right to play the victim here because you aren’t!” she is yelling. “You attacked and assaulted me using your f*****g element, you burned me alive from the inside and nobody gave you a f*****g death sentence for that!”

“I have said sorry to you—”

“And you think that is enough?” she laughed bitterly.

“What else do you want me to do?!”

“To f**k off!” Her eyes narrow even more and her cheeks grow rosy. “I don’t want you near me ever again Vailant, and I am so f*****g serious about it!”

“It wasn’t me who told the parliament to get those creatures killed! Get it in your f*****g head!”

“If you hadn’t been a b***h that day about the Pegasiphixes near me they wouldn’t have ‘attacked’ you in the first place! And don’t you are to compare it with what happened between us because you know what you did was totally unfair to me!”

“How many times do I have to beg you to forgive me?!”

“Until you f*****g die and I hope that is soon enough!”

The six pairs of eyes of moved to one side to another according to who talked.

“You were the one who dragged us all to see the f*****g creatures, you were the one being all perfect and know-it-all that I couldn’t f*****g stand it!

She gasps in disbelief; she can’t believe it. Yes, she had felt guilty because she had been the one who begged for her friends to accompany her to see the creature, but it wasn’t for her that they had been killed without compassion. It had been because of him, and bloody everyone knew that. He knew it too, he just wanted it easy, she knew.

She pushes him, “Don’t you dare to put the blame on me because you f*****g know it is you who is to blame here!”

“Just stop it!”

“I won’t!” she explodes. “I will never stop blaming you for everything that goes wrong because it is always you! I can’t f*****g tolerate you!”

“And I don’t f*****g stand you either!”

“Good the feeling is bloody mutual! I f*****g repulse you!”

“f*****g good you do it! You f*****g disgust me!”

“I f*****g hate you!”

“I f*****g hate you, too!”

Both have their eyes narrowed. Faces rosy from rage and muscles tense. The air is dense. Rage mixed with hate. Heavy breathings. Chests going up and down. Irises moving.

Eisdrache stormed out of Leevanna’s room, his heart pounding in his chest like a war drum. The argument had been fierce, their words sharp as swords, cutting deep into the very fabric of their relationship. He could still see the hurt in her eyes, the pain he had caused. But he couldn’t admit his feelings, not yet, not when there was so much at stake.

He just wants to run away. Never come back.

Running away.

It means freedom.

Escaping from the pain. The memories. Actions. Things people do to you. The routine. Your thoughts. Seeking liberty in a world where you can barely breathe without negative energy pumping inside you. It causes you nausea, leaving in a world like this. So full of wrong things. Wrong feelings and moments. Unspoken words for many were implores that died against pieces of fabric or a hand’s skin.

It hurts.

Breathe.

Burns. Consumes you. Leaves you in ashes from the previous fire explosion. Hurts. The wound it produces.

His footsteps echoed down the hallway, a haunting reminder of the distance he was putting between them.

He could still smell the faint scent of her perfume, a sweet and tantalizing fragrance that was as intoxicating as it was heartbreaking. He clenched his fists, the anger bubbling up inside him like a volcano ready to erupt. He was angry at himself, at his inability to express his feelings, at the world for making things so complicated.

He found himself in the school’s courtyard, the moonlight casting long shadows across the cobblestone path.

He could see the silhouette of the old oak tree, a symbol of strength and resilience, much like his own stubborn heart. He walked over to it, his hands trembling as he touched the rough bark, as if seeking comfort from its silent wisdom. He leaned against the tree, the cool night air doing little to quell the fire inside him. He looked up at the stars, their twinkling lights a stark contrast to the darkness he was feeling. He let out a sigh, his breath visible in the cold night air. He couldn’t shake off the image of Vaughan, her face etched in his mind like a beautiful painting.

He remembered the first time he had met her, the way her jade crystal-like eyes sparkled with intelligence and determination. She was his rival, his equal, the only one who could match his academic prowess. And yet, she was so much more than that.

It burned, wounded him the way she blamed him for everything bad that happened. And maybe she was right. Perhaps all bad in her world was because of him. He was always hurting her, provoking her anger and unhinged behaviour. She hated him and that was right. He didn’t deserve her, even though he did want her, because he really did, but he just wasn’t good for her. He would always be poison ivy for her.

He closed his eyes, the memories flooding back. The late-night study sessions, the heated debates, the shared laughs. And the fights, oh the fights.

They were passionate, intense, a testament to their fiery personalities. But this one had been different; it had crossed a line he never thought they would.

He opened his eyes, the reality of the situation sinking in. Tears burning his eyes, they stung and hurt.

He wanted to talk about it with someone, he really did, but he just couldn’t get the words out of him.

He couldn’t even get the thought out of him.

He was in love with Vaughan, a realization that both terrified and excited him. He had always been a master of control, of keeping his emotions in check. But with her, it was different, it was raw and real. He let out a laugh, a bitter and ironic sound. He was Eisdrache Vailant, the top student, the golden boy. And yet, he was just a man, a man in love with a woman he couldn’t have. He looked at his hands, the hands that had held countless books, written countless papers, but had never held her like he wanted her. Every single time he ever got to even brush her; he would wound her with his fire.

Eisdrache had been whining about all of this, his ‘love’ for her, going crazy, for over two years. Two f*****g years in agony. And he just couldn’t do anything about it.

He stayed there for what felt like hours, lost in his thoughts, his emotions. He knew he had to face her, to apologize, to explain. But not tonight. Tonight, he would let himself feel, let himself be human.

As he walked back to the interior of the school, inside his common room to his dorm, he saw the passage for the girl’s dormitories, a lone light in the darkness. Fire and water were polar opposites.

He felt a pang of longing, a desire to go back, to make things right. But he knew he couldn’t, not yet. He had to figure out his feelings, his emotions.

And so, Eisdrache Vailant, the boy who had everything, found himself alone and in love, a feeling as beautiful as it was painful. He would face her; he would face his feelings. But for now, he would let himself feel, let himself be in love. And perhaps, that was the most courageous thing he had ever done.

At one-thirty in the morning, the 15th of December, a day before the carriages would come for the students to return them to their houses, Leevanna was sitting between the part that joined the columns of the passageway that led to the school garden.

The girl with jade eyes had not fallen asleep for two nights now, and the fault this time wasn’t entirely her nightmares, but returning to her house had her very anxious.

She felt weird about going back.

She wouldn’t be able to practice for the tournament, neither to talk about it even.

She would have her maids, yes, but she knew it would be putting them at risk for knowing things they shouldn’t.

She turned quickly when she heard some footsteps approaching her — not directly but were close to her position. She remained silent when she saw the tall figure of Vailant, who had frozen when he saw her.

He thought about leaving the place because he did not want to see her eyes again, but when he saw her turn her head again, he relaxed and leaned his back against the wall behind him. If he did not look her in the eye, it was easy not to yell at her. He was not afraid of her eyes, just that he couldn’t — he could not help and think about all the incidents between them.

He contemplated her for a moment: her bending knees with her hands resting on them, and her head resting on the spine behind her while her long white hair, curly at that time and without braids, fell gracefully over her shoulders. She wore loose black pants next to a grey-coloured top that revealed a bit of her abdomen. His tongue savoured a bitter taste as his jaw clenched.

Leevanna bit her tongue until she felt the blood in it, avoiding yelling at him for being so cruel for telling his father to execute — kill the Pegasiphixes, innocent creatures, she closed her eyes tightly trying to contain all her desire, but she just couldn’t.

She would not let another injustice pass in front of her eyes and do nothing again — she wanted to be positive about that and not a bloody coward if something similar happened.

“You’re a monster,” she said, her tone was medium, dangerous and she was not looking at him. “A bloody monster from hell,” and the second time she said it, they both collide glances, her gaze filled with anger and resentment — as if she was ready for a war, while his filled with confusion. “You killed them, and all for your whim. You killed them.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” he asked with his eyebrows frowned while crossing his arms over his chest.

“What do you think I’m talking about?” she responded sarcastically before slowly denying with her head and turning her gaze back to the moon; Eisdrache understood that she was referring to the Pegasiphixes.

“Oh, f**k off, yeah?” he replied bitterly. “Don’t be pathetic.”

“They were innocent. You f*****g disgust me,” said the withe-haired girl, the bitterness in her voice growing in every word.

“Could you f*****g stop?”

“f**k you.”

“Or what? Are you going to f*****g cry?”

“Listen to me,” she began threateningly before crossing her arms and starting to approach him, he did the same thing, “being near you repulses me, it doesn’t scare me anymore, it disgusts me to the point I think I will rot. So if you could just f**k the hell off.”

“And you should do the same,” he replied by pretending the same smile. “On a whim, I can do whatever I bloody well want, I don’t care what it is,” they were both three feet from each other.

“Stand up to kill is in the list?” She snapped with sarcasm, relaxing her arms. “Killing someone or something innocent doesn’t make you better than anyone else in this damn world!”

“Find out how much I care about your opinion!” he responded by imitating her action just when she finished it. “With you, it is bloody impossible! I didn’t want them to kill the Pegasiphix!”

“I don’t believe you!”

“My f*****g goodness, stop being so freaking stubborn! I’m telling you the f*****g truth! I didn’t know the parliament was going to send the animal to get executed in my behalf,” Eisdrache said between teeth with accelerated breathing.

“I don’t f*****g believe you,” Leevanna replied.

“You know? I was f*****g right about you,” he looked at her with despise and ending with a bitter smile across his pale face. “You are a f*****g cunt.”

She gasped and laughed sarcastically and bitterly. “How f*****g dare you?!”

And she pushes him with anger, rudely.

And he pushes her too.

“You are f*****g acting like one! You are always acting like a f*****g cunt!”

“Look who talks about being a cunt! You f*****g t**t!”

“I begged your forgiveness for what I did to you!” he yells. “I begged and begged. I said f*****g please, Vaughan!”

“WELL THAT ISN’T ENOUGH!” her voice hoarse. “It isn’t enough because you almost killed me! I have a f*****g scar because of your unfair rage!”

“I AM SORRY!” his eyes burning. “What else do you want me to do?! You want me to crawl at your feet?! Fine! I f*****g will! But please get me out of this misery of knowing I want you!”

“You know f*****g what?! I f*****g HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO f*****g BLOODY MUCH!”

“Oh, what a lovely surprise! I f*****g HATE YOU, TOO! I HATE YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD EVEN IMAGINE! I hate seeing you, I hate thinking about you! I hate you!”

“Stop wanting me then!”

“Shut up! Because I can’t!”

“Shut me up!”

Eisdrache took Leevanna’s cheeks tightly before joining their lips together.

His lips on hers. Both had cold, marble lips.

Both mouths against the other. Unmoving. Just there. Waiting. None of them could react. She had not pushed him back. He had not pulled away. They were not exactly kissing. They were just there. They were not kissing… Not — Not yet.

But they were not supposed to — they — they could not—

And she gasped silently.

Opening her mouth.

Gently.

His hands did not leave her cheeks.

Actually, they find their way until one of them was near her hair, almost touching it, almost caressing it.

He swallowed her gasp — as if he needed that breath that she was holding as if it belonged to him for the moment — and her next breath in one as well as his own got out to her pink lips.

She swallowed his breath too — his slightly shaky, cold breath with hints of lemon balm and peppermint.

It had been just a small clash of breaths and closed eyes as Vailant’s lips crashed against Leevanna’s — but then — the unexpected had been that his upper lip fell between both of hers, and his tongue ghosted across her lower lip when she opened her mouth. And she made a quiet, little sound — not like a gasp or a groan — it was — was something new, subtle, between the two but at the same time not, it had been like a sigh — a tiny sound that encouraged his lips, which caught her upper lip and making her tongue pass across his lower lip, just like his had done. And he tastes the cherry syrup and honey flavour her breath has, not wanting to let it go.

Heat rose from their stomachs to their chests. It is just at that moment that they both realise how bad they wanted that. She could only focus on how soft and reassuring he felt against her cold mouth, how he invaded all her senses — he was close — too close. His eyelashes brushing against hers.

The warm feeling of her breath, although destabilising, was inviting him and he was getting intoxicated with her taste, feeling every part of her sweet mouth. It had been a little erotic, enigmatic, filled with sweetness and softness even after all the things they said, and it felt — Strange… But good — very good — nearly forbidden. It had been like a little breathing. Just a little connection of flesh and taste that lasted all of three clicks of the clock’s quickest hand but for them it had felt eternal.

Neither of them thought about what they were doing, until, a few seconds later, both separated abruptly and with their eyes wide open. Their pulses entered in panic. Their brains sending signals and danger alarms everywhere. But they were not thinking. Their skins prickle. Their lips tingle.

And they are just there.

Standing in front of each other feeling their brains numb and the ghost of the other’s lips on theirs. “I-I…” Tried to say Leevanna between mumbles and stutters, feeling how her cheeks became red at the sight of him.

He had touched her.

Leevanna held her breath, her heart pounding in her chest. She could see the sincerity in his eyes, the raw emotion that he had always tried to hide. She felt a wave of emotions crash over her, overwhelming and intense. Vailant, still with his hand against her cheek near her hair, supported his forehead against hers. His breathing ragged. She didn’t know what to do.

He had f*****g touched her.

“I want you, f**k’s sake,” he whispered against her skin. “I want you like nothing else and it is killing me…”

He separated from her, eyes locked into hers, trying to capture this flash of a moment between them. “I’d better go,” Leevanna hurried before starting to walk — run — away from him and head straight to the Vasilka common room. She couldn’t breathe.

Eisdrache stayed in place for a second, frozen in time, a current passed through his body, and he forced himself to start walking towards his room.

Neither looked at each other when they passed the other in the common room when they crossed, they rushed to get to their rooms and get into their beds still with the feeling of nervousness in their bodies. They both touched their lips once they were in bed laying down. Different reasons, different thoughts.

What the hell had just happened?