Falling For Insanity

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve:

Eric's POV

"So you killed him. So what?" I ask Blake. "It's nothing you haven't done before." He's currently passing around our living room, rambling on and on about his "mistake." The ranting was really beginning to get on my nerves. All of this reminds me of the first time this happened...only Blake wasn't so guilty back then.

Two Years Ago

"He called you a p***y, Blake." I say in a low tone from behind him, in his ear. "What are you gonna do about that?" A creepy smile appeared perfectly on my face, knowing that Blake is finally going to do what we are meant to do...

Kill.

Tanner Harper stood in front of the brothers, trembling in fear, not knowing what our next move will be. The poor fifteen year old boy was about to meet his maker far too soon. Although it looked as if he is realizing his life sentence was about to be up.

This wasn't the first time Tanner had spoken out of pocket to Blake. He was more of a bully, always calling him names and taunting him at school. Blake, for the past couple weeks, has been coming home from school, slamming his bedroom door and disappearing for the rest of the evening. He had no balls about him, that's a fact.

The boy's search for an escape would be to no avail in the large field they found themselves in. The brothers parents had organized a bonfire, inviting some family friends. They had wondered off with Tanner, with intent to confront him about his behavior. Tanner's aloof parents didn't know his whereabouts. I'm sure Tanner wished his parents never got the invite now.

"Are you going to let him speak to you like that? Let anyone speak to you like that?" I ask Blake who is standing rigid, jaw set and his boyish figure riding purely on adrenaline right now. His hand holding the pocket knife shook uncontrollably, anticipating his first kill at just the mere age of fifteen.

"You out to make an example out of him."

Between Tanner's continuous taunting, bullying and my relentless attempts to get Blake to retaliate...Blake is finally cracking, falling to pieces in front of our very eyes but somehow becoming whole all at the same time.

This was a very bold and vicious thing of him to do. I wouldn't do something like this. At a party with his parents not too far from us? No, that's just cruel. Not me. I'd at least wait till they went home or something. That's the right thing to do.

"Are you going to prove him right, Blake? Prove that you're a p***y?" I continued, pressuring him further, knowing that at this point, I didn't really need to. Blake is seconds away from darting at Tanner. "No. No. No, Blake." I click my tongue. "That won't do. Show him just how tough you really are, brother."

That was all Blake needed to hear.

It was like a symphony, the way his arm danced in the air before every plunge of the knife into Little Man Tanner's chest. Each and every stroke different from the last. The sound of blood gushing, muffled screams by Blake's dirty hand firmly pressed against Tanner's agape mouth, was the only sound filling my ears in the still of the night.

By the tenth stab penetrated into Tanner's chest, Blake appeared to have blacked out, looking more like a demon than a human as his eyes blacked over. Tanner's screams have faded to moans as the fight he put up slowly faded away.

Fifteen long but quick punctures later, Blake had begun moving more fluidly, completely out of body as his motions found a nice solid rhythm. At the sight of him losing himself, Blake was also finding himself. Tanner now only gargled on his blood, the life leaving his eyes gradually as Blake carved him up.

It had to be about thirty wounds before I finally hauled Blake off of Tanners now lifeless body, feeling like I should let him get out all of that lent of anger towards the kid.

Tanner's eyes were permanently wide but no longer filled with fear...just nothing.

Blake stood, shrugging away from my grasp as he took a couple steps back, his focus staying fixed on Tanner as if in a slight state of shock. His grip on the knife loosened, letting it drop down into the grass beneath his feet.

He had me beat, his savage display of murder filled with such hate, I had not experienced as he just did. I killed as a job, it was never anything personal. To take a life so ferociously looked a thousand times different than killing just to kill did. I did it in an artistic fashion...Blake did it as if he was in the middle of a manic episode.

"Feel better?" I ask him as I retrieve the knife from the ground, folding it and stuffing it in my pocket so I can ensure it gets disposed of properly.

"I feel powerful."

"That's because you are powerful, Brother." I tell him, patting his shoulder. "You have the control over exactly how your life goes...and how everyone else's does too. Imagine having everything you could ever want and more, without having to do a thing but be the most dominant man on the planet." I grin. "If you follow my lead, Blake...you could be just like me...maybe even better."

He stared at me for a long few moments before saying, "I'll think about it."

"You know what they say, Brother..." I sigh, standing over Tanners body and letting out a sigh.

"What's that?"

"You study long...you study wrong."

Present Day

"I told you I didn't want to do that s**t anymore." Blake said for the thousandth time. He finally wore himself out, sitting on the couch across from the lazy boy I sit in. It was about time, he was beginning to make me dizzy with all that pacing he was doing.

"Take a good long look at me, Blake." I motion to myself. "Im sitting here, just fine and unsuspected. I have everything I could possibly want for the moment being." Except Ms. Rosie Mae. "I can get whatever else I want anytime, no hesitation. You could have everything you want too." Except pretty Rosie. "If you'd just listen to me for once, you'd make the right choice...finally."

"Because everything you say is right." He retorted sarcastically.

I nod my head from side to side, not disagreeing with what he said even though he wasn't meaning it. "I know who I am. I'm confident in my knowledge, how and when to share it and who to pass it on to. One of those people being you."

No one else was in our house right now. Our parents had left earlier to go have dinner with a couple our mother works with with. Dad of course was just happy to be there because mom wanted him to be.

Even without anyone home, I lean forward, elbows rested on my knees as I tell Blake, "I know the only reason you don't want to do it is because of the anger you feel when it's happening." He blinked at me, not knowing where I'm going with this. "I have a way you can do it without the hate. Without any feelings at all. And you can get paid to do what you enjoy the most."

The conflicting emotions Blake's having is apparent as he remained fixed on me. The boy still isn't wanting to speak it out loud.

He didn't have to. Instead he said, "what do I have to do?"

Right before I can roll one up for us to celebrate that Blake has given into himself and me, here comes the girls. Right on cue, the two of them were always interrupting something. Not that I was ever complaining to be in Rosie Mae's presence.

"We brought party favors!" Rosie cheered, holding up a tequila bottle in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

"A bender? Is that what you're on?" I ask

Blake seemed to be starting to not think anything of the slight banter between Rosie and I. The more time we all spent together as a group, the more normal it became for everyone instead of it being weird like it was in the beginning. This made things a lot easier on the both of us. It also made slipping up about how much time we've really spent together easy, so it was important we didn't get too comfortable along with everyone else.

"Like you have any room to talk." Rosie glared, sitting down next to Blake. I noticed her intentional stare as she scooted close to him, knowing it would bother me. That girl is really getting on my nerves and it's agitating how much she likes it. "You're an alcoholic and an addict."

"At least I wear mine proudly." I tell her. "You're just in denial, Rosie Mae."

Faith laughed, laying down on the love seat. "You're like the only one that calls her that, you know." All eyes land on faith, waiting for her to elaborate. "Rosie Mae." She clarifies in a duh tone. "Why do you use her first and middle name?"

I give a shrug, not quite knowing myself why I've done that. "It has a nice ring to it." I answer simply.

Nathen, Willy, and Cory showed up just minutes later, dabbing everyone up as they slid off their coats and immediately helped themselves to the liquor bottles.

Rosie drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She wore a cropped grey hoodie with matching grey sweatpants. Her black hair cascaded over her shoulders, framing her makeup free face. I find her even more beautiful, dressed down and bare faced. She wears the hell out of a nice gown or cute outfit, but right now I'd love nothing more than to cuddle up with her on this rainy day.

She had to of began noticing the change in Blake by now. When I first met her, they were constantly touching, calling each other baby and making everyone around them sick. That is slowly changing as well. Blake's mind recently is elsewhere, not paying too much attention to Rosie even when she's in the room. Being newer to this, he still had yet to find that right balance. At this rate, he might not need my help ending his relationship with Rosie so I can have her.

The patience I've mustered up when it comes to Rosie is outlandish. All of my attraction and interest in other females has dissipated after meeting her. She's like a song stuck in my head, repeating over and over but it's just so good, it could never be played out. I think I'd wait forever for her if I had to.

"What're we doing?"

The door to my old childhood bedroom door swings open, in-stepping a buzzed and giddy Rosie wearing a lazy smile. Willy, Cory, and Nathan remained with their focus on the money they counted. Nathan and Willy took a spot on the floor, Cory seated at my desk while I was placed on my bed, money surrounding all of us.

I wonder what excuse she gave Faith and Blake to be in here right now, what made her want to come. Me, of course. She wants to be near me. It hadn't been two hours since the group of us parted from the three of them and she was already missing me. I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult being on the floor right above hers, knowing she's down there but not being at least around her. It's nice to know she's feeling the same way. There's nothing she could tell me that would make me believe there was any other reason for her popping up.

"Mind your business, Ms. Mae." I say to her, all the while not wanting her to go anywhere.

She clicks the door shut behind her, keeping one hand on the doorknob as she leans back against it. Her flower belly button ring dangled, the yellow and pink diamonds shimmering a bit in the light as she moved.

The other men must've noticed how sexy she looked standing there because they fixed their attention on Rosie, practically drooling in the process. Their dumbasses probably lost count, along with all motor skills as they sat there frozen. Not that I blame them...but she knows exactly what she's doing.

"Normally I would, but I'm sooo bored." She complained with a whine as she drew out the word. "Entertain me, boys." All of us exchange glances, each of us thinking the same perverted thoughts as the other. By the little twinkle in her eye, I could tell that was her goal.

Before any of the men can say something stupid, I chuckle and tell her, "Go get some water and a meal, youngin'. You can't always run with the big dogs."

That gained me a roll of the eyes as she entered farther into the bedroom, her fuzzy red and green striped socks standing out on top of my grey carpet. "For someone who's going to the ends of the earth to make sure I do run with you guys, you should be a bit more happy that I'm here."

"I don't hear anyone complaining too much."

"Anyone but you."

"For f***s sake." Nathan grumbles, dropping his money on the floor in front of him. "Can you two just f**k already? I keep losing my count and I can't stand to hear y'all go at it anymore. How the hell are you around them all the time, Cory?"

"It takes great strength." Cory nods as if it really is so trying on him.

"I'll make you a deal, Rosie Mae." I begin with a smirk. She crosses her arms over her chest and quarks an eyebrow. "You can stay in here if you smoke a blunt with us."

She scoffs. "You think I'm that desperate to be around you, Eric? Don't flatter yourself." The guys chuckled, all of us expecting that reaction.

I reach over and open my nightstand drawer, pulling out a blunt out of the pre rolled stack. I hold it out in the air. "You want to smoke it or not?"

She stared at it, chewing on her bottom lip in thought. I'm sure her buzz was helping her make the decision. "Just light it."

I'd been contemplating for a while rather or not to introduce Rosie Mae to drugs. The girl has spent her whole life beating it into her brain to not do them. Which is good. Who am I to ruin such a good thing she has going?

After her being drunk almost every time I've seen her, It's easy to pick up on the fact that she's using it to cope, not to have fun. As we all know, that's very common, even in myself. I didn't realize how much easier coping would be until I did drugs for the first time.

It was simple, just m*******a but the freeing feeling I got from it was better than anything I've ever experienced. Then I did psychedelics...it almost beat the high you get from killing. I see shapes and colors a lot of people don't bless themselves of seeing. I don't walk to my own beat just because that's who I am...I'm also high all the time, in my own world, walking a different zig zagged path built especially for me.

When you stay high, nothing bothers you as much as it would if you weren't. Being drunk all the time does the opposite. Alcohol rides on emotions, often times making things that wouldn't bother you as much, a big ass deal. That's why most alcoholics are aggressive over a long period of time or even right off rip.

Maybe Rosie didn't need to take any hard drugs, but the girl could benefit from a little weed here and there.

"Here's your cut." I hand Cory his share of the money before giving Nathan and Willy theirs.

Rosie, who has been coughing uncontrollably is finally recalling herself. "Their cut? For what?" She asks from her own spot on the floor by my closet door, putting her mouth in her elbow to cough a little more.

"It's the money we make for getting our hands a little dirty." Willy answers her, folding his up and lifting up a bit to stuff it in his pocket.

Her eyes grow wide in shock. "What?! That much?!"

Cory chuckles. "This isn't even the half of it, princess. Being somewhat of a hit man pays well, rightfully so with the s**t we go through."

"Not that all of us signed up for it or anything." Nathan mumbles under his breath but makes sure it's just loud enough for the rest of us to hear.

"That's what the money I gave you was for." I finally explained.

Her pink eyes looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"For you being there when we killed Jeremy." I explained to her. "That was your cut of the money...and some extra I threw in for making you do it."

She gaped. "That was a lot of money, Eric."

The corner of my mouth tugged upward a little. "You could make a lot more, depends on how often you want to do it."

A laugh escaped her lips. "I can't believe I actually considered that for a second. Maybe I've had enough to smoke." She laughs some more.

It was weird to see her laugh around me, without it being something that Faith or Blake said to her. Her and my friends, having a good time feels good.

I'd rather it be like this. Me, her and the guys all hanging out, making money and living life to the fullest. I wish I would've met her first. I wish I would've came around more often a year or so ago, maybe I would've ran into her somewhere. Why could she have possibly been placed in Blake's life instead of mine?

It wouldn't be for too much longer that I have to endure this. Soon enough, I will take what's mine. I deserve her. She deserves me. If there's one thing in life that I'm sure I'm meant to do, it's be with Rosie Mae...forever more.

The fun didn't last too much longer as Rosie then said, "I think I'm getting paranoid."

My eyes found her, seeing her sitting stiff, legs crisscrossed and hands clasped together firmly in her lap. Her eyes darted around, head turning to look behind her as if something is going to pop up or already there.

Rosie placed a hand on her chest. I saw her take in a deep breath and her eyebrows draw together.

Her eyes then caught mine, looking up through her long lashes with a worried expression.

I didn't have much experience with people getting paranoid when smoking weed, although I know it was pretty common. I did have experience in panic attacks and I could see one building inside of Rosie as we all sat here watching her. That's all I needed to get my ass into gear and be there for her.

Where the f**k is Blake all this time?

"She's having a panic attack." I tell the guys, standing up from the bed to kneel down in front of her. "Cory, go get some water. Nathan, get a cold, wet rag."

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as her chest began to rise and fall faster. "I don't know what happened. I was fine." She spoke quickly. "Everything was fine and then my chest started feeling tight and-"

"Rosie Mae..." I smiled a bit, taking her hands. "It's perfectly normal. Just try to focus on me and taking deep, steady breaths. Okay?"

She nodded aggressively, those worried eyes making a pit form in my stomach. If I could take it away for her, I would. I'd take it all away. If I could carry every weight she bared on my own shoulders...I would.

"You're okay."

Rosie's hands squeezed mine, making me glance down at them before back at her. "I don't want you to go anywhere. Stay with me, Eric."

Her words made my body ache in a way I'd never felt before. Because I can't give her what she's asking for and we both are aware of that.

My head bowed as I sighed before lifting it back up again. "You know that can't happen."

"Eric, please. I need your help. You know you're the only one who will really be able to." She pleaded.

The door swung open, the knob hitting the wall behind it with a bang.

After a very f*****g long time of Rosie being away, in barges Blake, on a mission to get to his girl.

"What the f**k happened?" Blake bellows. I stand, Rosie's hands sliding out of mine as I stepped out of the way for Blake who now took my kneeling position in front of her.

"She just smoked a little weed and got paranoid." Cory told him from the doorway, Nathan and will right behind him, looking into the room from over his shoulder.

Blake's hands reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ears on both sides. "You smoked?" He shook his head as if erasing a thought. "Never mind. Come on, I'll take you to my room."

We all stood and watched kind of awkwardly as Blake scooped Rosie up and left the bedroom.

Guilt set deep inside of me.

I should be there with her...like she wanted...like I wanted.