Don't Wander

Unrequited Crush

That afternoon, I was reading my textbook in the library with Britt during study period. More like pretending to read actually, because all I could think about was Eden. What exactly did his warning mean? He had said that I wouldn’t like what I found. That made no sense. Then again, a lot of things about Eden didn’t make sense, like how he made me feel. Any time he came near me, my mind fogged up and it became impossible for me to think clearly. It was almost as if he put a spell on me, but I knew that was ridiculous.

Through my reverie, I heard Britt’s voice: “Hello? Earth to Rebekah.”

“Huh? I’m sorry, I was thinking about stuff. What did you say?”

Britt rolled her eyes and said knowingly, “Yeah, I’m sure that ‘stuff,’” she air-quoted the word, “has nothing to do with a certain tall-dark-and-handsome.”

“It doesn’t. I was thinking about homework.” Britt just stared at me with an incredulous look on her face. “I’m serious!”

“Admit it Bek. Ever since he showed up here, you’ve been spacing out and acting weird. You got it bad for him.”

“Just drop it, Britt.” I knew she was right. I hadn’t talked to her much this year, and that wasn’t completely because of our house arrests.

“If we weren’t still grounded, I would come over tonight and force you to tell me.” For the first time in my life, I was actually glad to be grounded.

“Yeah, but we are, so I guess you can’t,” I shrugged.

Britt smiled broadly and chirped, “That’s what you think. I’ll figure out a way.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

She laughed and said, “You know me!”

We sat in silence for a moment when a thought came to me, “Why do you think Ben seemed so distressed over whether or not I like Eden?”

Britt chewed thoughtfully on her pencil eraser before she answered, “I’m pretty sure it’s because he feels about you the same way you feel about Eden. In other words, girl, he has a super huge crush on you. You’re really unobservant, cuz he’s liked you for forever!”

“No way. That’s too weird. Ben and me? Me and Ben? Ew, no. No way.” Just the thought of it made me dizzy. I really cared about Ben, we were great friends, but did I feel that way about him? The answer was simple, no. He felt like a brother to me.

“OK fine, never mind. Just forget about it,” Britt said, and then she went back to studying, and this time, I did too.

***

The rest of the day flew by and before I knew it, the final bell rang. I decided to walk home after school instead of riding the bus. I figured the fresh air would help me think, and walking would give me extra time with fewer distractions. If my mom called because I wasn’t home by four, I would just tell her that I missed the bus.

As I took the familiar route home, I let my mind wander. I knew there was something off about Eden. He barely spoke to anyone, and he rarely answered my questions. It seemed like he was hiding some kind of secret. The look in his eyes—it was almost like an animal’s—it was wild. I thought back to my escapade to his house, and how he smelled like the forest. It just didn’t add up.

I sighed audibly and enjoyed the cool breeze that ruffled my hair. Thinking about Eden gave me a headache. I rubbed my temples and wished I had some Tylenol in my purse. I jumped as a horn blared behind me. “Ben! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you; I just wanted to get your attention. You seemed pretty distracted,” Ben called from the driver side window of his old beat-up Chevy truck.

“Yeah, I guess I was. What are you doing here?”

“I had a club meeting after school, so I was late driving home. I saw you walking, so I figured I’d offer you a ride.”

“Sure, thanks Ben.”

“No problem,” Ben said as he leaned to open the passenger door. I slid in and breathed in the familiar scent of old leather and car freshener. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what were you thinking about?”

“Lots of stuff. Mostly a project in biology and how I’m gonna try to get my phone back,” I lied. I felt bad, but I absolutely did not want to tell him what I was really thinking. Lucky for me, Ben didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, that’s cool. Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I smiled.

After a few seconds, Ben said, “Hey, um, I was wondering…”

I looked at him and after a moment of silence prompted, “Yeah?”

“Well, we’re friends, and we have fun together, right?”

Not really following, I answered, “Of course.”

“Right. So…” He looked extremely uncomfortable. “So, I was just wondering, if um, if you might like to go out with me some time, you know, after you’re not grounded. Like, to a movie or something.”

I laughed. “Sure. Why was that so hard to ask?” Now he looked even more uncomfortable, and his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“It’s hard cuz—because I like you and I’m asking you as like, a date,” he said in a rush.

“Oh,” was all I could think to say. There was a long, strange silence as my mind raced. Ben was asking me out? On a date? I didn’t want this. I glanced at him. I liked him as a friend and I cared about him, but something inside me felt insanely wrong about the idea of being his girlfriend. I went with my instincts and finally said, “Ben that’s really sweet, but we’ve been friends for so long. You’re like a brother to me. It just wouldn’t feel right going on a date with you, you know?”

He looked stricken, and sounded upset when he replied, “Is it because of Eden?”

“Excuse me?”

“Never mind. I get it. We’re just friends. It’s fine, no big deal.” I felt terrible.

“Ben…” I didn’t know what to say.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just pretend this never happened.” At that point we had arrived at my house. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Hope you get your phone back.” I didn’t want to leave him like that, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I hopped out of the truck and shut the door.

I looked up and said, “Alright. Thanks for the ride... Bye.” He drove off without answering. I walked slowly up to my front door. I felt like poo. I shook it off as I entered the living room. I would deal with the Ben situation later. Right now, I had to figure out how I was going to handle my feelings for Eden, and if I should even have those kinds of feelings for a guy like him.

My mom opened the front door before I could get to it. She was holding her phone out to me, and as I walked past her, she mouthed, “Your father.” I sighed and dropped my book bag while holding my hand out. She handed it to me and then stood there watching me.

“Hey dad,” I said, and gave my mom an irritated look. She still just stood there looking at me, so I gave up, and added, “Are you coming home soon?”

“No Rebekah. I accepted a mission, so I won’t be home for a while.” His gruff, monotone voice was unmistakable. He continued, “Your mother tells me you were suspended from school. She thinks it was a way of acting out because of your disapproval in my being away for work. Is that true?”

“Yes, I was suspended for doing something stupid with a friend, but it had nothing to do with you being gone.” I shot an angry look at my mom and she looked away guiltily.

“Don’t lie to me young lady. You have never gotten in trouble, and then you disobey us twice in one day? I don’t think that is a coincidence. I have told you and told you to stay out of the forest, that it’s dangerous. Do you not care?”

“No, I—” I started.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. Don’t let me ever hear about you doing something like that again, do you understand?”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Good. Goodbye, Rebekah,” he said, and then I heard a click and silence. I slammed the phone down onto the end table and glared at my mom.

“You can forget about whatever little discussion you were going to have with me, because I’ve got my own for you. What are you and Dad hiding from me? And please don’t lie to me, because I heard you talking on the phone with Dad in the yard that day.”

She looked shocked, but said, “We aren’t hiding anything.”

“I asked you not to lie to me, Mom. So, all that stuff about, ‘I can’t keep lying to her’ and, ‘Sooner or later she will find out’ was nothing?” She shook her head slowly back and forth, and sat down on the couch in the living room.

“It’s about your father’s work. You know it’s top secret, military work. He protects people from dangerous things, but he stays away for so long and risks his life to do it.”

“What is it you’re not telling me? I pretty much already knew everything you just said.”

“I’m sorry Rebekah, I can’t tell you. This is your father’s secret, so you’ll have to ask him when he returns.” My brows shot up at this.

“Sure. He’ll probably be gone for almost a year, and by then I’ll be gone.” I started to leave, but my mom grabbed my wrist. I turned and looked at her.

“Please don’t be upset with us, Rebekah. We knew you wouldn’t understand,” she pleaded.

I looked at her coolly and said, “You’re right. I don’t understand.” Then I shook her off and ran up to my room. She didn’t come after me, and I was glad. I still didn’t know exactly what they were hiding from me. It had to be what my dad did for a living. It had to be bad. I opened my book bag that I had grabbed from downstairs, and started on my homework, determined to forget about the lies that swarmed around me.

When I finished my work, I absently walked to my window and opened it. The night sounds of crickets, frogs, and rustling leaves came to me, and my mind flooded with the memories of those animals chasing me. I shivered and leaned to shut the window, but froze when I saw something. There was a massive black dog—no, wolf standing in my yard, and its glowing golden eyes were looking up, straight at me.